What's Bothering You?

I just watched Titanic for the millionth time because it’s my favorite movie, but now my face hurts from all the crying. 😩
I don't think I've ever cried so hysterically before!
 
I have to go look for my nicest black clothing for my grandfather's funeral. If I can't find anything, we'll have to go shopping. I have a feeling that my parents will make me wear a dress, which I'm dreading because I hate dresses. And I know it's pushing it, but I wish that the funeral was on a school day instead of the weekend. I would like a day off from the hellhole they call school, and spending my Saturday at a funeral isn't the best thing ever. There's going to be a lot of crying and sitting and standing, and I'll probably have to write a speech. And since my grandma doesn't have a ton of money, she can't afford to buy lunch, flowers, etc. She can't even pay to bury my grandfather, so we'll have to incinerate him instead. I'm not looking forward to next week...
 
My cat keeps scooting her water bowl across the floor. She causes water to get all over my kitchen floor to the point where it looks like a flood. It's really annoying. She's been doing it since I adopted her 4 years ago, but it's really starting to annoy me now.
 
I went downstairs earlier and my parents immediately pounce on me (metaphorically), telling me to go look for clothes to wear at next week's funeral. Yeah, it's not like you woke me up this morning telling me the exact same thing. Can I go to the bathroom without being bothered? :cautious:
 
i did a lot yesterday, more than i usually do, and now my brain’s trying to slip into a depressive episode. it always does this when i push myself, but it can’t. not right now. not when i have a personal essay and an analogy and a **** ton of writer’s journal entries to write for monday for school. i’m so behind and it’s my fault, but ****. i also have a guidance counsellor appointment on monday as well, and i’m nervous about it even though i know what it’s about. i think. i also apparently have a new guidance counsellor. love that my school didn’t bother to tell me that. 🙂
 
Ugh why was my little brother even born? he's the most disgusting, nastiest little brat I've ever seen, I don't even wanna mention the grossest thing he did this morning that I needed to deal with, and now he thinks it's cool to go in my closet(where I keep all my belongings because I don't even own a room so where else am I suppose to keep my stuff?) take my organizer containers and dump everything in them on the floor and then make me hunt down where he put the container(bonus points he took my exercising equipment and did the same thing too) because I was outside trying to take care of my dog and my other little sisters don't care to watch him and let my brother screw everything up, for the record, the place I found my exercising stuff and my container was inside my old desk which I technically don't use anymore(except for a table sometimes) and he did my a favor by putting a bunch of disgusting crap inside my desk before hand, I've been meaning to clean my desk but keep accidently forgetting and now I gonna clean my stuff he put inside my desk now too, dude I'm allowed to go outside to do my chores and not come back looking for my stuff, if my closest is soon no longer gonna be safe to keep my prized possessions then where am I suppose to keep all my stuff, in my bunk bed? heck I even need to hide my clothing because he doesn't even care.
I still vividly remember the day my mother told me she was pregnant with my brother, I was cleaning my bookshelf(which I obviously don't own anymore to this day) and she comes in and tells me "I have something to tell you {deadname] I've been pregnant for a few months with a boy, your the second person to know after your father of course" "great" I think, this is perfect timing, I'm gonna get a brother in the busiest time in my life so he can ruin everything.
I'm sick and tired of him slamming my arm in the fridge every morning and scratching my legs making me bleed with his creepy little nails trying to steal my food because god forbid I'm allowed to eat, always screaming when I'm trying to focus, always doing the most disgusting things ever, always trying to kill himself because he's so stupid and I need to save his dumb life all the time. :rolleyes:
My god, your brother sounds like the Devil compared to mine. I am so sorry to hear that, brothers can be such a pain. Can't believe he would disrespect your belongings like that, though!
 
it's so weird how like all day I have to suppress the desire to eat anything bc I really don't need to, but when dinnertime comes suddenly my body's like "op nvm I don't need to eat lol" and then instead of going to eat I get paralyzed by exec dysfunction and just sit here 🙃
 
MY BROTHER IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! He's got me all riled up and I totally lost it. It started when he ran upstairs and interrupted me while I was..... Well I can't actually say it, but I hate it when he interrupts me, regardless of what I'm doing. He just wanted me to take the dog out, and I told him to leave and give me a minute. He didn't. He said, "Nope, I'm staying here until you get out of bed." so I had to deal with that. Usually when he tells me to do something, he's really demanding about it. Instead of saying, "Could you take the dog out, please?" he just says, "Take the dog out" WHICH I HATE! Anyway, I put on my boots and I go outside with the dog. But when I come back in, my brother opens the door, says "Take her out longer, you were gone for three minutes", and slams the door in my face AND LOCKS IT! The nerve of him! So I had to stay outside even longer. Then when he finally lets me go back inside, he closes the door right when I'm about to walk into the dining room. How annoying. (There is a little area that separates the front house and the house interior with doors.) And of course, since our parents aren't home, he has to make a ton of loud + obnoxious noises. After a few minutes of this, I get fed up and yell at him to shut up. Then he gets mad and takes away his headset that I was using, and I rush upstairs. By then I was so angry and totally freaked. I SO wanted to break something, but I couldn't so I tapped my foot on the ground like Thumper and gripped my blankets. Then my brother barges into my room and tells me that I have to take the dog out AGAIN, and I got so mad 'cause I did it literally five minutes ago. Then he says, "Haha, just kidding" and I got so upset I burst into tears. Then he gives me this weird look and says, "Oh my god, you're seriously crying right now?" And starts laughing. I don't know, it's so hard to explain but I was super angry and upset in that moment. Why does my brother do this to me? Why can't he be considerate and leave me alone? Why can't he realize that he's causing me so much of this psychological pain? I think I may be exaggerating in the last bit, but alas all I can do is cry and dig my nails into my palm (which I have been doing a lot this week)... I now realize how minuscule and petty I sound right now, so I apologize.
 
Wow, not even 10 minutes after posting here my brother bothers me yet again. He asks Google to play the Team Fortress 2 theme, but for some reason it started playing Friday Night Funkin' music. The unexpected-ness of it made me laugh REALLY loud. But of course my brother has to be really rude about it. "That was the stupidest, worst, fakest, dumbest fake laugh, just shut the **** up." Yes, he really did say that! And then he called me a dumb-*** *****. Why does he have to be so verbal towards me? I didn't do anything to him!
 
Ok, maybe being back home (I.e. not at my parents house) isn't so bad. I overreacted so badly. I've been crippled by anxiety this whole week for things to turn out mostly okay. I actually hate myself for it.
 
My head hurts from all the questions I have in my mind about the events that happened to me. I really need to stop overthinking but its really becoming a bad habit.
 
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