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What's Bothering You?

I've been much less productive than I was in March-April. I'm finally kinda starting to get back into doing the things I love, including practicing piano (which I haven't done in over a year) and drawing. maybe we can both find our footing again soon :)
We definitely will! It may just take some time! That is really rough with back to back deaths, I'm sorry for your losses. I remember seeing some of your art work and from what I can recall, I liked it a lot. I hope that you can get back to what you enjoy doing (when you feel you are ready)

I really want to start writing and drawing myself soon lol.

I don't want to really get into specifics because I feel uncomfortable sharing too much, but being a care-giver on top of deaths, and other situations that arose at the same time has been very physically and mentally exhausting. But we'll all get through these bumpy roads!
 
Okay, something that's actually bothering me, but my Switch won't connect to the internet and has been like this for months. It's gone on for entirely too long. I've tried every possible remedy for it, but nothing will work. For context, it's an Orbi router, so there's no one to even really service it anyway. What happens is my Switch will connect to it, but then not to the internet. I don't understand it and it's so dumb. I've talked about it with my close friend for months and even they don't know what's wrong with it. I just want to be able to use my NSO, man. :[
 
I know people are probably getting tired of me complaining about my art, and I am too. It's just honestly not fair how everyone else can put so much effort into something and it actually looks good and when i do it, it turns out bad.

Plus I'm thinking about my late cat who died in August 2020
 
Okay, something that's actually bothering me, but my Switch won't connect to the internet and has been like this for months. It's gone on for entirely too long. I've tried every possible remedy for it, but nothing will work. For context, it's an Orbi router, so there's no one to even really service it anyway. What happens is my Switch will connect to it, but then not to the internet. I don't understand it and it's so dumb. I've talked about it with my close friend for months and even they don't know what's wrong with it. I just want to be able to use my NSO, man. :[
Oh that sucks. Everything I could suggest without actually looking at the stuff in person is probably stuff you already tried. Like my first few thoughts are things like the Switch being in airplane mode, the router is detecting it and blocking it ect. Or like resetting the router.

Or like if the router is in the same room as the Switch connecting it via a wired connection. Wish I could help you out, but I'm kind of limited with tech. I pretty much just figure stuff out by winging it.
 
This entire weekend/my days off have really just sucked. I just can't catch a break, none of my days off from work have been restful, not to mention work has been stressing me out alot lately. I'm always drained from work that day and on my days off I'm still drained, I don't feel like I'm ever really relaxing. My room is a ****in mess which has been bothering me but I just don't have the mental energy to start cleaning it up, so I'm stuck in this loop of watching the clutter accumulate and doing nothing about it.

Also my elbows still kinda hurt. Idk if it's still from Saturday when I slipped getting in the shower and hit my right elbow and somehow my left knee, or if it's just carparl tunnel from keeping my elbows bent for so long. I'm honestly amazed my elbow has not bruised, esp since I bruise easily.

I just want a good day to happen. Maybe I need to request some time off of work again and did what I did back in January, actually organize myself a bit. I was actually productive that week without the stress of work weighing me down, even if it was only for a week. Not that my parents would really understand.
 
I wanna chat w the people I matched up with today but it's 10pm and I need to go to bed soon and I haven't gotten a reply from them (prob bc 4th of July exists) so ig I'll have to wait til tomorrow :<
 
it's funny how my dad conveniently becomes really pessimistic when I want to do something new that he doesn't want me to do 😄

for context, ive been fascinated with the bass clarinet since I was in high school. I've never played a reed instrument but I've been wanting to play bass clarinet for a while. I was talking w someone at the symphony about it yesterday and she told me I could start out on a regular B flat clarinet to get a feel for it, and I honestly agree.
so when I tell my dad about it, first of all he acts really confused and keeps asking me questions like "since when do you want to play clarinet". then he's like "you don't have a teacher and you don't have any music so if you got one you could only tinker around with it." but the funny thing is, if I wanted to learn to play an instrument that he wants me to play, like if I wanted to take slide guitar lessons again, he would be on top of that buying me a new slide guitar and finding a teacher. but because he couldn't care less he's really pessimistic and doesn't think I could do it at all.

so yeah it's nice having a dad who only cares about me when he wants to care :)
 
My brother is literally pissing me off. He's doing everything he can to annoy me and he's just being a piece of **** in general. And also the neighbor's kids screaming. Like bro, shut up. ToT
 
i know i’m posting a lot in here still for someone who’s supposed to be on hiatus, but this is kinda the only place i have to turn to rn.

my cat was fine. she was fine just a few weeks ago, and even received a pretty much clean bill of health a couple months ago. her liver apparently seemed a bit wonky, but otherwise she was fine. she was supposed to be spayed next week. she turns one year old on the 24th.

today we were told that she’s very likely going to die. she’s deteriorated so bad, and so quickly, over the last couple weeks. she has barely any appetite. she’s extremely lethargic to the point that all she does now is sleep. she’s unsteady on her feet and wobbly, and no longer jumps unless she absolutely has to. she has lost 2 pounds, and i can feel her spine when i pet her. her hips are visibly sunken in, and she looks almost hollow because of how much weight she’s lost. her eyes are dull. she has a fever. she can barely lift her ****ing head, for god’s sake. the vet doesn’t know exactly what’s wrong with her, but it appears that her body is trying to fight something off, but it’s not strong enough to do so. he gave her a shot of antibiotics that’ll apparently last for a couple weeks or so; whether or not it’ll actually help, i don’t know. she’s getting an ultrasound done sometime next week that’ll hopefully determine what’s going on, but the vet isn’t optimistic about her surviving whatever this is.

i... have literally never felt more like a monster, or more guilty, in my life. how many times did i post in here about not being ready for her? about not being entirely sure that i loved her, or that i wanted her? how many days did i avoid her because my grief for my late kitty was so strong that i could barely look at her? did i do this? is this my fault?

i wasn’t ready for her. i wasn’t. but i do love her. i love her so much, and i was finally ready for her. i was finally ready, and trying to make up for her first few months with us, and now she’s going to die. she’s going to die. and all the parts of me that my late cat didn’t take with her when she died, alize will. i don’t know what’s gonna happen now, or what’ll be left if she goes. of me, of my parents.

she’s supposed to turn one year old in 19 days. i thought she was gonna make it. i really ****ing thought...

i’m so tired.
 
Trying to write fanfiction and I'm having trouble concentrating. :I
Also, why did I think it was a good idea to write smut?

Edit: This is pretty small, but I'm listening to Wii Sports Rsort OSTs and only a few are over a minute long. Looks like I'm going back to 1-hour loops of the same song.
 
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oh my god xara I'm so sorry. don't blame yourself for this, sometimes things happen that are out of our control. I'm sure you did the best you could, and from glancing at your posts in the "what are you happy about" thread it seems like you've given her a really good life so far. but I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I'm actually in tears right now just thinking about you and alize. don't put yourself down, just do what you can and I'll be hoping and praying that she pulls through, but if she doesn't then always remember that she probably couldn't have had a better life without you.



[pardon me while I wipe away the waterfalls of tears on my face]


I went to the retro game store yesterday to inquire again about a console repair. my pink 3DSXL has had a busted hinge for a while now and I was hoping to have it fixed. I knew that they didn't do console repairs but I hoped they could refer me to someone who did. I called the person they referred me to, and he informed me that he only does minor repairs on 3DS consoles such as replacing the charging port or touch screen. he referred me to two others in Columbus, one of them I couldn't get a hold of and the other said they only do shell replacements for regular 3DS consoles, not the XL. so it looks like it might be more worth my time (and prob also money) to just buy a new (used ofc) 3DSXL, do a system transfer, and sell the old one for parts.

what a hassle. I wish I could just get this done now but I have to wait for my check to come next week and I also want to buy a 3DSXL from that retro game store so I know exactly what I'm getting. I get so impatient w stuff like this lol.
 
I have a headache, and my family talking abnormally loud near me isn't helping. Of course it's the one time I'm motivated enough to write fanfiction, too. I wanna push myself to keep writing anyways, but I know it's not good for me. Maybe I'll just go lie down for a bit and plan out what I'm gonna write.
 
I was actually off from work today and I didn’t know that. It was just a misunderstanding because I’m covering for a person while he’s getting his teeth fixed/recovering. I work tomorrow morning and Thursday morning. I don’t know if I’m doing any of his shifts next week. I’m excited to be working in the morning for those days. Yeah, it’s unbelievable. I’m a night owl. Or so I thought.

It was just awkward to hear that I wasn’t working tonight.
 
Started writing a fic and now I'm unsure how to write the next part. I didn't think that throwing Tommy (one of the characters) into the mix would mess it up for me. Like, I know what I want to write, but I don't know how to execute the idea. I also noticed a drop of quality between the first and second parts, and I can't believe I haven't noticed this until now. I dunno, maybe I should take a break since I've been working on it all day and wrote 1000 words so far, but I also wanna keep writing and get it over with so I can publish it ASAP. I'm just sort of rambling now, but basically I'm having some trouble writing fanfiction now. Doesn't help that I'm trying to write smut, which I can almost never do successfully. :v
 
Why do I have to concentrate entirely on posture, else I descend into a shrimp-like state?
 
Dont know why I don't always get discord notifications on my phone. I miss out on some messages and have to reply late all the time.
 
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