What's Bothering You?

One of my old teachers posted some old pics from my school days and it unexpectedly brought up a lot of feels :(

Basically I just really hate that bullying has had such a negative impact on my life. Yet I'm only just starting to understand how much it messed me up.. I've only started to realize this in the last year or so that I'm struggling to just be my authentic self. I wasted so much of my life just trying to be as much as an unidentifiable blob as possible, as a defence mechanism for bullying and criticism. Now I've started to identify this problem in myself but I can't seem to stop it. I'm a grown ass adult and I still feel like people are going to bully me if I try to be myself and I hate it 😖😖
 
Why do I always have to wake up randomly and think about stuff? But what if my thoughts are right though, maybe I really am not funny or just annoying. Why is it I get so worried over something so pointless.

I hate thinking about things like this
 
Okay but those people are fine as hell. Like, damn.
We roast them and how cringe what they’re doing looks, but they're all in phenomenal shape and having fun. Makes you wonder who the real losers are. 🤔
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i just want to go back to bed ;;
Lol same. Thanks to my Fitbit I now know how crappy I’m sleeping in excessive detail.
 
stomach is upset can’t tell if it’s something I ate or because I have been deeply angry since this morning
 
the secondhand embarrassment i felt for the people who transcribed yesterday's lecture
they made a huge gaping mistake on the very first page and idk what they were thinking, normally im forgiving but right now it's just,, the mistake was so obviously a mistake why did 6 people who worked on the transcription not see it
 
just found an old document on my laptop, written one week after my cat Daisy died back in 2018. I read through it and it brought back so many good and awful memories. it made me sob. I miss her so much. it's been over two years and I still can't get over losing her.
 
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