What's Bothering You?

today is the worst my cramps have ever been. i’ve taken 4 painkillers so far today and i can still feel pain in my lower back and inner thighs. they’ve never been this bad, and also my legs are sore and idk why??? my body just feels so weak and i haven’t felt like doing anything. just lying around on the floor because it’s the most comfortable for me rn :/
 
love it when I upload art to share w friends and no one says a thing, but then later someone else uploads their art and it gets like 15 likes and a whole bunch of comments and love and praise.


makes me feel swell ಥ_ಥ
 
today is the worst my cramps have ever been. i’ve taken 4 painkillers so far today and i can still feel pain in my lower back and inner thighs. they’ve never been this bad, and also my legs are sore and idk why??? my body just feels so weak and i haven’t felt like doing anything. just lying around on the floor because it’s the most comfortable for me rn :/
If you're still struggling try heat, whether that's positioning a hot water bottle or heat pack on the most painful area or taking a hot bath. It'll relax the muscles and widen the blood vessels to help alleviate pain.
 
I feel like my friends are so disinterested in hanging out together nowadays. It's been...me (??) who has initiated the conversation for almost all times to catch up. I've literally never been that person in my life lol, there's always been a more socially active person to say they want to catch up. My friends and I also used to complain about another person who used to be overly needy about wanting to catch up, and I don't want to annoy them by becoming like them.

I've never really been bothered about being by myself, but recently I feel like my friends are going to move on without me. Part of that being that they will be in romantic relationships, and I will not. They're not going to have time for me. While I'm not bothered about having little to no social life, I feel like it's at least healthy to have some sort of social interaction lol. And I feel like I might not even have that in the future...
 
I used to have feelings for someone who liked me back. We ended up not starting a relationship because she didn’t feel ready yet. As the months went by my feelings dwindled and I started having unrequited crushes on other people. She still acts affectionately around me and I don’t know how to act around her. I like our friendship, but I can’t force myself to bring my feelings back. It’s just not healthy.
 
I am exhausted oh my goodness. I’ve been sleeping terribly lately and it’s so strange? I’m generally pretty good for falling asleep at a decent time and sleeping okay. The pandemic and stress with that has definitely messed with my sleep though. Sometimes I’ll go for weeks where I’ll wake up at like 3 am and just be ... up. It’ll take me two or three hours to fall back asleep.

Last night I had terrible dreams and I just feel so unrested which is a bummer because I also had bad dreams the night before 😅 I’ve been having odd/sort of stressful dreams lately but last nights was actually bad and I am so tired 😴😴

Sorry for whining though 😅
 
New Years get-together got cancelled because our area got put back into strict lockdown, so I made all that curry for nothing 😞 Not too upset about it since there are still 3 of us who can eat it, but it's still annoying
 
honestly wondering at this point how I even managed to win a staff fave during the 2017 fair, I literally never win anything 🙃

not that I care but like why do I even try?
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my self esteem is non-existent lol

I'm still forever grateful for the stuff gifted to me by friends (like my pink feather and kaleidoclover) but it'd be cool if I could actually win something from a raffle/giveaway.
 
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so i ordered some new beanie babies off of ty's website and i got one of the attic treasures ones, only for it to arrive and i hate it??? the eyes are so small, the body is so lanky compared to the tiny legs....im just real disappointed

on the bright side my niece will love him so we are dropping him off at my sisters door as a new years present
 
honestly wish I could just find a fresh feather and be done, so tired of collectible hunting 😖

I don't want to ask anyone cause I don't want to be rude/pushy/intrusive but UGH someone please sell me a fresh/rad feather and put me out of my misery 😭😭
 
(C-)PTSD and fireworks are a no no, even if you're not a war vet and have no trauma associated with noises like that. It's always right outside my door and it hurts everytime one goes off. My whole body contracts and I'm shaking. I can't even look outside, I don't remember when's the last time I've actually seen a firework.

Doesn't help that New Year's is the time my MDD hits its low. I've been feeling like death the past few days and I know it's going to get worse the coming two weeks or so. **** a new year. I've progressed past the need for a new year.
 
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