What's Bothering You?

In this Edgar Allan Poe story I'm in the middle of, "The Unparalleled Adventure of One Hans Pfaall", apparently, a mother cat and her 3 kittens fell to their death at a height of 130000+ feet. WHY?! Why, Poe?!?! Why you do this to me?! ;n;
 
Life is so hard.

I am not going to quit. It just can be so difficult sometimes. Though, I think I am feeling a little better than I was moments ago. It's just - it's difficult.
 
The feeling of making mistakes, miscommunication on my end, and knowing I'll never be the fastest/most efficient person in the job gets me down 🙃
yeah so I had a conversation with my boss today and I made a remark about being me being clueless in the job, and my boss said "yeah I'll keep silent about that" HAHAHAHA **** me i hate myself
 
I've been really stressed about school, I used to be a straight A's student but online school makes me irriated and forgetful. No matter how hard I try to be positive and try to relax (the reason why I play acnh at all lol) I still fail and it's really getting to me. I feel really lost and I feel like I'm living for nothing and I see my entire future crumble as I just fail more and more classes. I don't have any friends and my "online friends" are just there when I make random tweets. I don't know what I'm doing I just want to take a nap and hope I wake up when everything is okay again
 
Sore throat/chest, high temperature, earache, and I feel like someone punched me in the sinuses. My household is treating me as if I have the plague despite there being zero chance of it being COVID. Hoping my doctor will be able to prescribe antibiotics over the phone because I've a ton of work to do and focusing feels impossible.
 
i hate how crammed this module is (3-week schedule crammed in 2 weeks, fewer exams but more items per exam, group outputs/presentations every other day), im just so ****ing tired, who designed this module and why do they think this is doing med students a favor in the midst of online classes
i also wish my friends would stop thinking i have a lot of time on my hands just because they do. sorry i dont have your very relaxed TTh 2-hour classes every week. sorry my classes started earlier than march 2021. try an 8-5 jam-packed schedule with exams and paper outputs every week and see if you dont get pissed with people saying "it's easy to adjust your schedule and do other things". add the fact that some doctors are just ****ting on you every time you present and you just have to bear the burden.
 
I've been anxious the past week, probably cause we have so many bills due on the 1st and my ear procedure is on the 2nd. I was suppose to get this procedure done March 2020 because my ears were so plugged and sore but then covid closed the doctors offices. So basically I've been suffering for an extra whole year. Whenever I blow my nose in the morning, blood comes out. Hopefully after the 2nd my ears will be back on a healthy track and I'll be able to hear better.
 
Technology is so overrated that I think it makes some things more complicated than it already is. The other day, me and my family were trying to set up a coloured printer. All the physical stuff is set up. We all good? No. Apparently, we have to install the software on our devices in order to make full use of the printer AND that we have to make an account for some reason for the benefit of printing wirelessly. Even when we tried to print with the wires plugged in our laptops, it still didn't work. Come on! I just want to use the printer! I don't care about the fancy shmancy technology stuff to make things convenient when it actually makes things more complicated! What the heck happened to just plug the printer into your own computer and have it work that way? Don't fix anything that ain't broke. The printer is nothing but wasted space.
 
I’m about to put my other fish to sleep with clove oil. Seems silly to be sad but I raised them from babies and I’ve had them for many years. Her swim bladder is damaged and I’ve tried everything and she isn’t getting better. She just looks so tired and it isn’t a very good life for her.
 
I feel so ill. I know I’ll feel better when I don’t have a tribunal coming up but I’m so exhausted by fighting for disability benefits so I can live with dignity. I feel like such a burden on my partner and I hate myself for it. I want to disappear. I’m trying so hard to find things to live for but I just have nothing left in me.
 
Several things have made me nervous today. Not to where my mental health is unmanageable, but enough to make this day a low point.

Someone I’m fond of is beating themself up. What happened wasn’t their fault and I wish I could help. Sadly all I can do is reassure them. If only I didn’t live so far away...

It also snowed the other day. I’ve been trapped inside and I can’t exercise without the neighbors complaining. Even floor planks make them punch the wall. I swear I always have the worst luck with apartment complexes. Exercise is one of the few things that consistently regulates my mood. Without it my blood sugar just crashes in the evening.

The lack of motivation I’ve had since the pandemic began has been getting worse. I can’t even study my second language for more than 25 minutes a day without getting bored. I wish I could apply to college for some sense of routine, but I lost my transcript.
 
My right ear hurts a lot. Inner ear infection, basically. Happens sometimes from wearing earbuds. One of those things where I don't really feel it most of the time...but if I touch my ear without thinking (or put earbuds in)...it hurts a ton. Hopefully gets better in a day or two...because, I wear earbuds a lot.
 
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