What's Bothering You?

very silly bother. the squishables are having an anniversary and the minis and regular ones have a nice discount going on but now not having any kind of job - part time or full hurts (I does every day technically, but like when I want something it is like a bigger oof 😅). Not a big deal like I said since I am extremely happy with my early bday presents, just sad my mom couldn’t save some money from the catbug plush. it was retiring and i didn’t know the exact date when it would be done, which is why i ordered it when i did (and i didn’t know the squishanniversary was coming up).

Also I stayed up too late playing pokemon snap and am still out of it and feeling lazy. i said after dinner i’ll start putting some of items back of my room but... i kinda don’t feel like it even though i want my drawing stuff 😅😋
 
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my best guy friend just messaged me back (haven’t heard from him in months) and i should be happy but instead am extremely depressed since i am reminded that he is why i want to wait if we have to move. I am afraid i am never going to be able to hang out with him again (when he comes back—if he ever comes back to the country and gets a green card). Hard to hang out when i’m hours away. i hate this and kinda myself for being having so many issues and being so powerless and weak. I’m having fun with pokemon snap and the tournament, but this reminder just kills. Then again, even when he is in the country, we don’t get to hang out that often (since he worked which he was not supposed to do and likes gaming with the guys in our group more — probably).

Also have to get my hair cut tomorrow. i hate going to the place because it smells like nail polish since it is also where people get their nails done and the smell is so strong it makes me nauseous.
 
Can we please get rid of the toxic “just get over it” attitude? When something bad happens in our lives it takes time to recover. How long that takes varies from person to person. Telling them to “just get over it,” even when we’ll intentioned, feels like your experiences are being undermined. I wish we could normalize letting people recover from stressful situations at their own pace.
 
My ex kept trying to contact and run into me in public even though they had no reason to. They kept telling me that they want a second chance of some sort (not sure exactly what) and that they wanted me to teach a lesson. I kept trying to tell them to date new people and move on though it’s clear that they haven’t quite moved on yet. Call me bitter but there’s a reason why we separated and they just can’t accept that. I get brushed off and told I should be flattered and that I shouldn’t be full of hatred and maybe they’re right. I think it’s not them so much anymore, it’s just that I can’t learn to forgive myself and the stupid mistakes I made that seeing them is a literal reminder of my naivety and letting myself being controlled.
 
Can we please get rid of the toxic “just get over it” attitude? When something bad happens in our lives it takes time to recover. How long that takes varies from person to person. Telling them to “just get over it,” even when we’ll intentioned, feels like your experiences are being undermined. I wish we could normalize letting people recover from stressful situations at their own pace.
Yeah, I agree with this. Well intentioned or not, it’s still gaslighting.

I started cutting up a watermelon because I thought bakubun would want it, but he didn’t. Now I’m stuck cutting up this giant watermelon and I’m feeling too lazy rn.
 
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I’m fed up with my life to be honest and how companies are restrictive against hiring people with Aspergers/ASD. As xSuperMario64x said, this country really does suck.
 
got woken up by really loud thunder, it’s raining super hard now and my stomach hurts now :/ it’s 6:30 am rn
 
i wish my dad would take medicine — for his cough, a machine for his breathing at night. He is always quick to jump on me for my coughs, but I am sick of him blaming us for his problems or for his anxiety and hearing him cough when I know he doesn’t take his allergy medicine.

Edit: I don’t know why I told my hair stylist about my anxiety about moving. I should have kept my mouth shut. She us nice but I don’t think she understood my anxiety and it doesn’t help I can’t articulate how much I hurt about the idea. she thinks I can just make new friends easily and that this move might be great and I was a bit upset when she said that I could just talk online with my current ones since i am not seeing them during the pandemic. i could but I like the option to be able to see them or not instead of having to be hours away and no choice in the matter. I didn’t want to go into details about my best guy friend and honestly I just don’t know how to verbally articulate all these feelings. She is very nice but she sides with my mom too much. She thinks i should want to be closer to where my nieces are. yeah i should but i need to worry about my mental health first and family interaction (not with my nieces but mostly my dad and sister) is difficult. when we’re all together, i don’t have a lot of fun even though my nieces like seeing me. my dad with untreated anxiety and anger issues just causes me more anxiety. I am so frustrated that no one understands how difficult this is. I don’t know how to express myself and now writing this I am a bit confused and frustrated/disgusted with myself.
 
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The master schedule changed overnight without warning and I ended up missing out on taking my final exam. Not cool.
 
I think one of my issues is that I need to ease up a bit. I'm so tense and being autistic already makes everything difficult to deal with and comprehend. I would love to just let loose for a while.
 
I’m having anxiety about this training I’m about to go to. It’s not formal training nor am I on the schedule. I don’t know how long I’m supposed to stay especially because I’m not getting paid to be there. They’ve already asked me like three times if I want to work other shifts today and I’ve had to remind them that I’m going to this house so I have no idea what’s going on. I’m probably going to show up and they’ll all be like “what the crap are you doing here”. Idk anymore
 
got woken up by really loud thunder, it’s raining super hard now and my stomach hurts now :/ it’s 6:30 am rn

I am sorry your stomach is bothering you again and that the thunder woke you up. Wishing you a speedy recovery 🍀🤞.

I am still experiencing some depression. Got to get some of my room done today too but I have an idea which part i will work on. I may have to miss today’s streams if there are any. 💩

My friend replied again and he thinks I shouldn’t make faces at my mom since she is helping me. He’s right but oof. He is always so blunt and scolding me 😭. I am not upset about that. He said he doesn’t think he’ll be able to come back to the country for a very long time, which makes me really sad. :( I miss him so much.
 
Well, to use vocabulary from my "Intro to Guidance & Counseling" class -- I've got a lot of unfinished business. There's just so much tension going on inside of me, now that I'm back at home and I see my mother on a daily basis again. I am just so upset at everything that has been done to me that I usually give people the cold shoulder. It's takes somewhat of a toll on me, but I will try to keep positive.
 
my bfs parents r so .. idk they rub me the wrong way. its honestly the only thing that makes me not see a future w him ://
they push all these expectations onto him and they want him to be this super successful guy and im not saying he cant be, but idk his parents expectations r just unrealistic. i dislike them a lot for that bc whenever we r on the phone he tells me how hes always stressing out over grades bc "my parents would kill me if they see i have a B in this class" like a B?? idk it just makes me feel bad for him. he always wants to please his parents and do whatever they tell him. my dad's parents were the same way, but my dad stood up for himself. my bf just takes whatever his parents spew at him.
 
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