Asexual+Demisexual Positivity Forum

[Firesquids]

You just gotta take your time. There's no rush to find a partner. Maybe you could potentially be aromantic and not really want relationships? It varies from person to person. Maybe you haven't met the right person yet but there's also no time limit on it though! Romantic connections are better in my opinion anyway.​

Couldn't have put it better myself.

 

[DinosaurDumpster]

I'm personally asexual. I found this out in 2018, since I realized felt (and still do) zero romantic attraction to anything. If I do, it's most likely because i'm eating food or i'm hugging a stuffed animal.

I'm the only asexual/aromantic person in my friend group, so just watching everyone be in relationships and just talking about it... makes me want to scream. Also am usually the one where everyone goes off about relationship problems and I end up just sitting there like... this is one of the many, MANY reasons I don't like people lol

My main issue is that my parents expect me to get married and to give them grandchildren. There is 3 main issues with this, the 2 being that i'm aro/ace, and that I hate children (they refuse to accept any of this).

But I can't be the only one here who would totally be in a relationship with food or a stuffed animal... right? Or am I just a maniac?

 

[Galaxite]

I'm personally asexual. I found this out in 2018, since I realized felt (and still do) zero romantic attraction to anything. If I do, it's most likely because i'm eating food or i'm hugging a stuffed animal.

I'm the only asexual/aromantic person in my friend group, so just watching everyone be in relationships and just talking about it... makes me want to scream. Also am usually the one where everyone goes off about relationship problems and I end up just sitting there like... this is one of the many, MANY reasons I don't like people lol

My main issue is that my parents expect me to get married and to give them grandchildren. There is 3 main issues with this, the 2 being that i'm aro/ace, and that I hate children (they refuse to accept any of this).

But I can't be the only one here who would totally be in a relationship with food or a stuffed animal... right? Or am I just a maniac?

I don't think you're a maniac for that. Stuffed animal won't break your heart. Oof I'm sorry to hear that about your parents though. I wish more parents were understanding and not pressuring their children so much over stuff they have expectations for.​

 

[deana]

Hello ace peoples ☺ I'll drop my support in here!

I am demisexual / ace questioning? I am surely somewhere on the asexuality spectrum but orientations are complicated. I don't really know if I have ever experienced sexual attraction (perhaps my not knowing means I truly haven't) but I am indifferent towards the act itself with a very trusted partner. I am not out to anyone IRL really only because it doesn't affect my life currently, I have been in a long term relationship for almost 10 years. I think if I was in the dating pool though I would be telling everyone because boy oh boy does dating allosexual people sound difficult.

Post automatically merged: Dec 10, 2020

My main issue is that my parents expect me to get married and to give them grandchildren. There is 3 main issues with this, the 2 being that i'm aro/ace, and that I hate children (they refuse to accept any of this).

This might be just my experience but I think a lot of times when parents want this for their kids, it's just because they want you to be happy. Marriage and kids are things that brought them a lot of happiness in their lives and they just want you to experience that too. Hopefully as more time goes on they will learn to accept your choices and realize that you can make your own path through life without those things and still be just as happy. ❤

(I'm also not having kids either and my mom is just gonna have to deal with it lol)

 

[Corrie]

Omg same. I'm so glad my bf is demi too and he respects that I'm ace and completely fine with not having sex all the time.​

I'm curious, is it possible to be ace but still have sex? Is being ace just not getting the urges or is it that you're appalled by the idea of sex?

I've always wondered this. I'm not ace, as I get sexual urges but my urges aren't as frequent as most people so I used to think I was ace or something along those lines. But then would get confused because I'd get the urges and want to do it.

 

[Mariah]

I’ve never felt sexual or romantic attraction to anyone. I don’t really understand people that do. Is it like the movies where they just meet and have sex after hanging out for a day? I think people are good looking, but I don’t want to pursue a relationship with them. Or have sex ever.

 

[Korichi]

I'm curious, is it possible to be ace but still have sex? Is being ace just not getting the urges or is it that you're appalled by the idea of sex?

I've always wondered this. I'm not ace, as I get sexual urges but my urges aren't as frequent as most people so I used to think I was ace or something along those lines. But then would get confused because I'd get the urges and want to do it.

It is definitely possible to still be ace and have sex. There are plenty of asexuals who have sex but are very much still asexual. Being ace just means that you don’t feel sexual attraction. It does not necessarily mean that you’re sex-repulsed (though I am a sex-repulsed ace personally xD). I think drive and sexual attraction are different things, so I think it’s entirely possible you could be ace or even gray ace, even with your urges. I just googled ‘can you still be asexual with a libido’ just to make sure and Google says: ‘Similarly, many asexual people still have a libido and might experience sexual desire. So, asexual people might still masturbate or have sex. Again, asexuality doesn't always mean someone doesn't enjoy sex. It just means they don't experience sexual attraction.’

 

[avieators]

You just gotta take your time. There's no rush to find a partner. Maybe you could potentially be aromantic and not really want relationships? It varies from person to person. Maybe you haven't met the right person yet but there's also no time limit on it though! Romantic connections are better in my opinion anyway.​

oh yea i know it takes time! honestly i am...an abrasive person (i need lots of time to myself, i get cranky if people are around me for too long) so i thought i might be aro...but, i really like the idea of romance, i guess? i know it doesnt ever go like it does in movies and stories but i love the idea of being in love! i kind of stopped trying to figure it out, all i know is girl pretty but also being perceived and known is a terrifying thought!

 

[visibleghost]

i have identified as aro/ace since i was like 12. i'm just not interested in other people in those ways. maybe one day i will be, but i highly doubt it.

for me, my sexuality and romantic orientation are more of non-identities rather than identities, by that i mean that i more or less feel that i lack a sexual identity. it's just not important to me whatsoever, i mean i know that i'm asexual but it's not something i would ever mention as an important part of my identity, because it simply does not matter to me like other things do. i don't think my asexuality makes me lgbtq (that being said i don't really care about other ace people wanting to call themselves lgbtq for being ace). i know that that is a bit controversial but yeah, i'm not trying to start anything, i'm just sharing my feelings.

i think my lack of sexuality has some things to do with my gender identity, i'm nonbinary and hate being gendered, which is like a huge part of dating??? you find someone of a certain gender who likes ppl of your own gender?? and gender is a big part of the attraction?? ew no thank u. i'll be over here pretending gender doesn't exist, thank u very much

 

[kylie32123]

I guess I would say that I'm asexual, maybe. My friends have always called me the, 'Queen of Single', because while they were dating, I didn't. I am hetero, I'll look at a guy and be like 'oh he's cute' but I don't want to get close or attracted to them in a romantic way. I've been questioning recently if I really am asexual, I'm just not sure at this point in time
EDIT: Growing up, as a kid, I've always thought dating was gross. My mom would tell me, 'When you get to be a teen, you'll be so boy crazy, watch.' Well um, I happen to be in my late teens, and it still hasn't happened. My mom no longer says I'll be boy crazy, though! Basically, I think of boys as hot/cute, but have no desire to connect to them or be with them

 

[cornimer]

Very happy to see this thread! I'm somewhere on the ace spectrum, I used to think I was apothi until I realized I'm also gay and it's much better to think about "getting it on" with a girl than a guy so I might be willing to try It if I ever got a girlfriend but at the same time, I don't really feel physical attraction towards people.

 

[Dinosaurz]

I think I’m aromatic but not asexual

I think that might just be my autism causing a lack of human empathy though lol

 

[meo]

I'm demisexual and pansexual.
I'm putting a spoiler just for possible elements that some might find triggering.

Spoiler

I was raised in a conservative religious (christian) household. Overall my childhood and bio family was pretty toxic and abusive in many ways. I never felt attraction to anyone till really high school and that's also when I started to realize you could be attrated to more than just the opposite sex. Naturally sexuality wasn't a topic discussed in my childhood home and a heterosexual ideal was always put forth.

My "coming out" wasn't really a great experience and it wasn't really by my own choice either. I think for many of us coming out in itself is such a hard thing especially for those that have poor outcomes with their families. However, also having the opportunity and your own decision in coming out taken away was kind of a whole other element of trauma for me. Basically a sibling had a "feeling" based on nothing but that I was close with another girl whom was "out" in school. So this sibling ratted me out essentially to my parents which resulted in me coming home, being confronted, a lot of nasty things being expressed from my parents, and basically the whole scenario ending in being told that what I was had to be a phase...no other option because for it to be not a phase would mean my parents could no longer love me.

So, from then on we never spoke of it. My parents went on believing it was a phase and I was their straight daughter still. I went on to have plenty of relationships with the same sex but I never shared that with my family due to the trauma of blow out. For me, being demisexual and being attracted to whom I form a connection with (regardless of gender identity)...I just figured once I do find the person I'm meant to spend forever with, and should it not be a heterosexual relationship, I'll cross that bridge with my family once more.

Ultimately, I am married today and it just so happened that the person I'm spending forever with is the opposite sex. Of course, it doesn't really change my sexuality but to date my family would still not be supportive sadly. As for my family, having a heterosexual marriage didn't amount to much for them...because we're an interracial relationship which for them is also not acceptable. Overall, I walked away from it at that point and I heavily subscribe to that family is who you choose and what you make...not who or what you're born to.

I've been told twice now by my bio parents that they won't love me for simply the people I love and I've been told that they hope I die because of it. So, there comes a time when enough is enough and I choose me and I choose the people I love that love me and are healthy for us. On a positive note, my husband couldn't be more supportive and his family is loving too.

My advice at the end of the day is generic sounding but can't be more true...in just be yourself, love yourself, and don't let anyone make you amount to less for being you and loving how you do. <3 I know it's not always easy especially if you're stuck for the moment in an unsupportive household...but one day it gets easier and you will be able to get to a healthier place with loving people you've chosen. Best wishes fam. <3

 

[coldpotato]

I recently identified as demisexual after reading more about it.
I have denied my true sexuality for a while, trying to force myself to like things that I didn't or be a different way in hopes of impressing the person I'm dating and it is soul crushing to say the least. I'm single now and going forward am going to be completely honest with whoever I date next. I'm definitely scared of judgment, which is one reason I don't plan on putting myself out there again for a while. What I imagine is getting along well with a person, then I bring up demisexuality and they completely ghost me.

 

[avieators]

I'm personally asexual. I found this out in 2018, since I realized felt (and still do) zero romantic attraction to anything. If I do, it's most likely because i'm eating food or i'm hugging a stuffed animal.

I'm the only asexual/aromantic person in my friend group, so just watching everyone be in relationships and just talking about it... makes me want to scream. Also am usually the one where everyone goes off about relationship problems and I end up just sitting there like... this is one of the many, MANY reasons I don't like people lol

There is 3 main issues with this, the 2 being that i'm aro/ace, and that I hate children (they refuse to accept any of this).

But I can't be the only one here who would totally be in a relationship with food or a stuffed animal... right? Or am I just a maniac?

emphasis on bolded, i am also the only ace in my irl friend group and earlier this year i made a really cool new friend, like we clicked instantly and that usually doesn't happen w me and they were predictably like "...sOoOoOoO do u LIKE THEM " sure i like em! we have a lot of stuff in common! that don't mean i'm "interested" in em!

i explained aceness to my mom recently and she started crying so that went about as well as you'd think, it's not like i've told her my whole life i'm not interested in people or in having children (i also dont like kids lol) mom's generation is just unable to accept things like this i suppose

This might be just my experience but I think a lot of times when parents want this for their kids, it's just because they want you to be happy. Marriage and kids are things that brought them a lot of happiness in their lives and they just want you to experience that too. Hopefully as more time goes on they will learn to accept your choices and realize that you can make your own path through life without those things and still be just as happy. ❤

(I'm also not having kids either and my mom is just gonna have to deal with it lol)

the hilarious (awful) thing abt this in my mom's situation is that marriage didn't even make her happy lol. she and i fight a lot but she's said i'm the thing she's proudest of in her life so ig "kids" did bring her a lot of happiness it's just sometimes its like an immovable object meets an unstoppable force

 

[Giddy]

I think I may be asexual, or demi? When I am not busy I am trying to learn more about it, so not 100% sure; sorry to just jump into this thread when I dunno if I am or not~

I do see some similarities I am dealing with though. Sex really doesn't interest me at all, and I can't even watch it in movies or yah know~ I do, do it by myself but I can't see myself doing it with anyone?

I also really don't see sex as something that is needed in a relationship, but I guess I'm a little confused on what comes under romance in relationships? I think it's made it hard for myself as most of my family members haven't had the best relationships with their partners. My father left when I was really young and my mum never looked for a partner again so I've never really seen a relationship blossom?
I do have one friend who has a partner and when I am with them, I kinda just watch them to see how they act around each other.

I mean, I would love to have a partner one day, but I'm still unsure who I like, I mean I compliment all genders, but that's never meant I wanna sleep with them. I also wouldn't mind having a child (but wouldn't mind adopting).
One last thing is that I can't see myself trying to find someone through dating sites, I understand you start to get to know them, but there's always that little extra that people are wanting when going on these sites and I find that really uncomortable, I rather get to know a person a lot more before finding them possibly attractive or move on to being more than friends. But I don't think I've had that super deep connection with any of my friends yet, they're still just friends to me and I can't see it as romantic.

Hope you'll have a lovely weekend and thank you for reading~!

 

[Bluelady]

Hi. I finally have time to post here. I'm 27 and aro/ace. I don't really know what to say....I've never had a crush or "squish" (a platonic admiration that borderlines crush). My family hasn't told me anything about my love life yet, but I think that they've come to accept the fact that I'll most likely end up alone. Although experiencing eros doesn't interest me, I do like children and hope to be in a position where I help influence many for the better.

 

[Croconaw]

I never really understood the appeal to sex. How can someone be into touching the body parts that people use to go to the bathroom? It never made sense to me. I think the asexual community should be more known. A lot of people are unaware asexuality is a thing, or they just don’t want to understand it. I say they don’t want to understand, because the people who don’t get it simply don’t want to. Relationships without sex in general or constant sex do exist.

I’ve been told by my mother of all people that a relationship without sex is just a friendship. I don’t think she quite understands that there are people that just aren’t interested in sex.