I guess it turns out the Kermit was mafia... Didn't see that one coming either... :X
Reading all the pages that I miss was very overwhelming for me and doing all that while being sick just makes it worst... There's whole lot of blue roles that came up... I'm not sure if what I saw is the truth or just a lie. Even with Panda's survivor claim as well. My mind is still in a huge jumble after everything. I'm just doing the best with what I have here since that's really all I've got.
Right now... I feel like mafia is keeping me here as a shield to hide behind because I feel like they know my role in the game. It's quite unsettling for me. :X
I don't mind explaining why I stated this in the game because I don't see a reason not to answer. Therefore... I explain it as best as I can since I'm not exactly good at doing that. But... I am willing to try to explain it since people wanted to know about it.
The reason why I said what I said was due to what Ness said to me below. The post was even liked by ILoveYou.
Look I think it's pretty obvious you're Town but if you really are Town you should feel an obligation to prove that you're not mafia
This made me very paranoid to the point where I thought mafia was keeping me here to use against Town. I never thought what I said what a blue softclaim at all, so I found it really bizarre when people were actually thinking of it. When Rune mentioned softclaim... I didn't know what it meant until I had to look it up. Role was supposed to be switched with alignment, but I never really bothered to correct that due to my paranoia state. I was really worried that I was something that can be used against Town. That's why I was so adamant about dying in the game because I felt like I was causing lots problems for Town when I never really meant to do that. All these deaths for Town that occurred in the game... I really felt that they all died because of me. It made me feel like I was nothing more than the plague. I find it difficult to jump back into the game after feeling the way that I do. Making things worst whether I helped out or not in game.
You know... It kind of feels like deja vu to me like when Panda said that I was scumhunting when in reality I was merely asking a general question since I didn't understand what Jacob meant by "not acting like town" towards Zendel in my first game.
actually Ryumia?s been online, she VMed Chick and if you see this I do hope you play future mafia games still Ryumia
5. We still have almost a full day left before she would be mod-killed. I agree if that happens it's good for us, in quite a similar way to
Kammm's mod-kill, as it will remove all doubt and debate whilst giving us answers and other info to work with. I would personally be very surprised if
Ryumia just gets mod-killed though, she has demonstrated she is both thoughtful and thorough in her play here until her last post (where she said she needs to cool down her head iirc). Her only other activity on TBT since then was a post in the "what's bothering you" thread and the message she left for Chick that
Heyden already mentioned, which fits with how seriously she seems to have been taking this game.
Based on the above, I'm anticipating she will be back. If I'm right, I look forward to seeing her role-claim and her thoughts on recent developments, as well as her reads.
Ryumia if you see this, I second what Heyden said in post # 3728, I hope you will play in future Mafia games.
As much as I appreciate the sentiment that you both have given me... But... I've already fully decided that this mafia game will be my last one as stated in my VM to Chick. It would be nice to learn to play better; however, I feel like this is for the best. The current game has already affected my physical health here. So... I'm pretty sure that's a huge sign that says I should no longer keep playing future mafia games. :T The only reason why I am still playing this game... is well... that I would feel really bad if I were to get modkilled a second time.
Amanda... When I read what you said about me I kept wondering why you keep having faith in me the more I read it over and over again. Just was wondering about it in general if you wanted to know. It just boggles my mind a lot since I don't really have faith in myself the longer I am in the game. I really want to trust in you, but I am just too afraid to do so. I really want to believe what you're telling me.
The only reason why I am claiming here is because I really want to trust you despite being afraid to do so. I am not sure if I am going to be doing this correctly, so I am going to feel really bad if I did this wrong and get modkilled for it. So... I guess I should hope for the best.
My role is:
Hala the Dolphin Whisperer (Townie).
To be honest here... I don't understand whenever there is a mention if I was scum then I would do "this" or "that". Or the scum team would be telling me to scum hunt instead of doing what I wanted to do. 'Cause I've never been put into that position before, so I really can't comprehend that at all even if I wanted to understand it. The only way I would understand it is if I was put into that kind of position. So... I find it very bizarre to hear such a thing said about me. The only way one would know this really is if they were me.
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Seeing the mentions of my what's bothering you post and my VM to Chick in this game is very surprising to me. I didn't write those things for any alignment indicative purposes. The only reason why I posted a VM to Chick was due to their question that popped up during the duration of this game. Question that was asked of me from Chick: "Well, are you interested in Mafia anymore?". It was a question that I gave a serious thought about. I had to re-evaluate the things that happened in the game to determine my answer. So... I asked myself if my answer was still the same despite everything that I went through alone. In the end... I concluded that my answer has indeed changed.
Throughout my journey in the game... I've felt that I wasn't compatible with the game due to the mindset that I have about it. Just feels like I cause more harm than good here in my honest opinion. Like how reads and scumhunting are merely just mechanics one can use in the game to try to achieve the win to me. It's not something that I would consider a mandatory thing to do in TBT mafia. I remembered back in my first game... I asked Tina if scumhunting and reads list were mandatory to do in TBT mafia. Tina couldn't prove to me that those things were mandatory to do in TBT mafia and thus it only proves that my statement about was more true. That it isn't a mandatory thing to do in TBT mafia. 'Cause if it were actually true for it to be mandatory then I would have been modkilled sooner in that game.
So... No matter what anyone tells me I know that those things aren't mandatory to do. Therefore... I can choose whether or not that I want to use these methods in the game. If you're going to tell me that I am a liability for it then I can say the same thing whether or not someone does use these methods. It's like I said... If you weren't paying attention then I guess I have no choice and have to repeat it again. I am
not an artificial intelligence. I am an
actual human being with feelings and opinions. That's all I am and all I will ever be. People telling me to use these methods (scumhunting and reads list) are basically telling me to be an artificial intelligence here. That's just what it seems like to me the more those were pushed at me. So... What's wrong with wanting a sense of choice while playing TBT mafia?
I made sure to be completely honest when I wrote this because I thought honesty is the best policy. If one really wants to lynch me then I won't stop them from doing so and just accept it for what it is. Acceptance is important to me. Therefore I will accept my fate in this game.