hospitals, germs, needles, and surgery. i think they're all related to the same past trauma. when i was 4 or 5 y/o, i was hospitalized for something related to poor respiratory health. my mom, dad, and uncles took turns visiting me after work or on their off days, but i remember feeling so scared and alone in my own hospital room when they weren't there with me. doctors and nurses would step in and out of my hospital room to do tests on me and inject needles, but i didn't know/understand what they were for. i also had quite a few wires and cords attached to me. i was afraid that moving too much or removing them and re-attaching them would be painful, so i didn't shower. i think i might've felt dirty and therefore gotten the idea that hospitals were dirty. a few years later, my dad brought me with him to visit my brother in the hospital. i vomited outside and that reaffirmed my phobia. as an adult, i can visit a hospital waiting area just fine, but visiting a hospital room makes me feel anxious, dirty, and like i need to vomit. seeing hospital rooms in pictures, tv shows, and movies are fine though.
even before the pandemic- i've had anxiety about catching an illness if a sick person coughs, blows their nose, sneezes, touches my things, or talks near me. i've made it a habit to wash my hands with soap for 20 secs regularly, avoid touching my face, sanitize things that i'm bringing home from outside, clean frequently touched surfaces, and shower as soon as i get home. besides wisdom teeth removal, i don't recall having any other surgery. the removal is common and involves a small incision, so that was prob why it was fine. however, i'd prob fear something uncommon and/or involving a large incision. i think i've overcome my fear for needles i recognize/get regularly (flu shots and blood tests), but something like the anesthetic syringe for a wisdom teeth removal (i don't get this regularly) would make me anxious. seeing a sick person coughing/sneezing near others and medical needles on screen is fine for me, but i can't watch/see incisions. i think the fear of germs, needles, and surgery has to do with something entering my body and it's not in my control in a sense?
even before the pandemic- i've had anxiety about catching an illness if a sick person coughs, blows their nose, sneezes, touches my things, or talks near me. i've made it a habit to wash my hands with soap for 20 secs regularly, avoid touching my face, sanitize things that i'm bringing home from outside, clean frequently touched surfaces, and shower as soon as i get home. besides wisdom teeth removal, i don't recall having any other surgery. the removal is common and involves a small incision, so that was prob why it was fine. however, i'd prob fear something uncommon and/or involving a large incision. i think i've overcome my fear for needles i recognize/get regularly (flu shots and blood tests), but something like the anesthetic syringe for a wisdom teeth removal (i don't get this regularly) would make me anxious. seeing a sick person coughing/sneezing near others and medical needles on screen is fine for me, but i can't watch/see incisions. i think the fear of germs, needles, and surgery has to do with something entering my body and it's not in my control in a sense?