Do you like your parents the same?

[SlEEPYTEARRS]

im not sure who i love more because my parents did a big role switch midway through my life

Spoiler: warning; sad childhood

when i was little both of my parents were never really home to even pay attention to my sister and i. my mom wasnt because she worked long hours and my dad wasnt on purpose because he hated us (told us plenty of times to our faces) my dad was verbally and mentally abusive almost always when he was home so i found it comforting when he wasnt around. he did physically hit both of us before but it was only a couple times. so i was very scared of my dad growing up and now and the things i have endured still haunt me and affect me even though im 25 (i have ptsd now)

he got medicated when i was around 18 and mellowed out, however then my mom got really bad (actually it was a couple years prior she got bad), i am disabled and cant get stuff for myself and she decided that she was just going to ignore my needs and so i stopped getting clothes and shoes (i had the same pair of $5 shoes for over 5 years and i walked a lot), hygiene items (toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, pads), food because everyone else would eat the food that was even bought for me (and i couldn't take others because my gerd and theyd buy greasy foods) if i asked a simple question she would scream at me so i felt like i had no hope until my girlfriend cane along and started helping me. she also ignored me mentally while tending to my sister (i remember her going to comfort my sister when she was upset over not getting something and yet my mom knew i cried almost every day and she never approached my room

both of them have chilled out since, however it took both of them seeing how badly they have affected me to even realize how bad they were

my answer is my dad, because hes realized what hes done wrong and has apologized, and hasnt repeated the same mistakes, as well as we have a lot in common

 

[SublimeDonut]

I think I love them equally, but I've lived alone with mom for 10 years now. We're as close as can be. Dad phones me every night and we see each other once a week. But honestly these last few months I haven't had much patience for him. He divorced mom 10 years ago, and until last year or so they still had a good relationship, though the divorce itself was kind of ugly. But suddenly he starts refusing to come up to our apartment or talk to mom about anything, starts trash talking her to my face. She didn't do anything to him, mind you. I don't know if I'm being a jerk about it, but I don't miss him like I used to when I was little, I don't look forward to our time together anymore at all, I can't really stand anyone who sees mom like some dragon, if that someone's my dad. I still love him but I have no patience for him anymore.

 

[Dinosaurz]

Whyyy you guys bring up lani post

 

[LuchaSloth]

My dad has become too much of a conspiracy theorist and political right-winger for me in the past few years. I don't hate him or anything...but, I really don't go out of my way to talk with him. It's one of those situations where some of the things he has said in the past have essentially made me lose all respect I ever had for him. I acknowledge that he's worked hard his entire life to provide me with everything I have. But, I also see him now with all of his flaws and fears...easily influenced, controlled by anger, and sometimes devoid of all rational thought. I was never one of those kids who saw my dad as a superhero or anything. But, still...I always thought he had more sense than he has exhibited in recent years. Watching someone be so easily manipulated is a hard place to return from.

In short, yes...I get along much better with my mom.

I've always been the type of person to say "there is a better way to do things"...so I've always embraced renewable energy, living with nature instead of "taming" it, etc. My mom is an avid gardener, likes to hike, etc. We've always had more in common than my dad...who I think pollutes sometimes just because he thinks it's funny. He's very much about using machines for everything, burning fuel, living in the past. Even if a job doesn't call for a machine, he'll find a way to use one. Now...I'm far from being Amish or what have you, but...I prefer the natural way of things. If a job can be done by hand, I always prefer that. I hate pollution of all types. Can't stand the noise of machines, the exhaust from them, etc. There is a time and place when they are invaluable. But, that's who my dad is...inefficient to a fault. Loud, obnoxious, wasteful. Everything I try not to be.

In retrospect, he's always been that way...but, it was less prevalent growing up. Maybe I wasn't tuned into it...or maybe it just seemed like he did what needed to be done. Now it seems like he does certain things out of spite for the people who care about the planet. And there is just no respect to be had in that regard. Even if you want to be a conspiracy theorist who denies climate change, etc...you can (and should) still realize that pollution is a negative thing. People like that really irk me.

He's also an anti-masker. He'll wear one to go to the store (because he's one of those people who is all bark and no bite when it comes to social scenarios). But, he won't wear one around family. My brother will visit with my niece and nephew...and my dad will leave the area entirely, and choose not to visit...all because he refuses to wear a mask. He has a great gandson and great grandaughter who he literally never sees or bothers with...all because his conspiracies are more precious to him than family. I'd love to know what he thinks he's gained from this behavior...

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I almost said they both suck cause even my mom's got some issues (she's been a hyperactive helicopter mom and it's horrible, she's also sometimes like "oh this is the way it should be" when it comes to sexuality and gender which makes me really uncomfortable) but I like her a ton more than I like my dad. I can't stand him, he's a die-hard conservative republican who thinks he's right about every single thing in politics, he constsntly tries to dictate my life, as well as my brother and friend, and he can't pick up after himself so our house always looks like it's trashed, and he's very rude and constantly takes his anger out on us (especially my mom and me because we both have depression and he's one of those dumb f***s whos like "why are you sad" and "just be happy" like really bro I've never tried that before).

my step-dad I don't really care about 'cause while sure he puts the roof over our heads he's a typical arrogant old white man who thinks he's right all the time.

yyyyyup

 

[ting1984]

I like mine about the same. I have a lot of traits of both.

 

[neoqueenserenity]

I was truly a "daddy's girl" as a kid, but after starting my teenage years i did a lot of bad things and he dumped me on my mom. after all these years of being raised my mom going into adulthood, i am definitely more on my mom's side, but i would be lying if I said I didn't feel kind of partial to both (even tho my dad never really genuinely rekindled the relationship, it's fine and i block it out )


My stepdad now is actually a POS and I don't think I could even get into it w/o breaking TBT rules

 

[That Marshal Fangirl]

My dad has always had a partiality to my younger brother, so I've felt kind of cast aside by him since I was 5 or so. It got worse when my brother got older and my dad would take him to all these fun things while leaving me behind. I came to accept it though because my mom treated me like her favorite. To this day I'm very close to my mom and talk to her constantly. I don't dislike my dad or anything, but I won't deny I have a favorite parent.

 

[Holla]

Pretty equally for me. They each contribute in their own way. My Mom is great for talking about personal things with and being pretty relaxed when it’s a day off for just the two of us. Meanwhile my Dad is always there when I need something be it a ride or to fix something that’s broken.

There’s more than just those things of course but it’s pretty balanced in my case.

 

[xhyloh]

i prefer my mom for the most part, but they're both the reasons why i am the way i am so i resent them both for that XD

 

[Firesquids]

My father sucks, my mom is annoying but I love her

 

[~Kilza~]

I prefer my Mom over my Dad. Not saying my Dad is bad or anything, lol, he's been a pretty good father for the most part, but I'm a lot closer with my Mom, I'm more comfortable around her and I like her more.

 

[hakutaku]

I like them both the same. They're both good people and good parents, I'm lucky to have them.

 

[Stella-Io]

I prefer my dad over my mom for various reasons.

Also, idk if this says anythin about my character (or maybe just how I was raised around them) but I really thought people would play favourites more rather than being equal. But that's prob just cause of my experience.

 

[watercolorwish]

Both suck equally. Did a bad job at parenting or lack there of. But they could’ve been worse I guess.

 

[princess.looking.for.frog]

Both my parents are super supportive and caring, really though I am a bit closer to my Mum thanks to her taking me everywhere when I was younger. Though I love and favour my parents equally as I know my dad is working and trying hard for all of us, and he still makes time to watch some Premier League with me

 

[Soigne]

i don't like either of them. for a while, i was closer to my mother because my dad worked long hours & wasn't home much and my mom was a stay at home mom until i was around 6. but now that i'm older i can recognize how badly of a job they did as parents and how abusive they both were. i used to feel bad for saying i didn't like my parents. not so much anymore.

 

[Tao]

I think on both sides I don't necessarily hate them (though really, I should) but I'm fully aware that if they weren't my parents, I probably wouldn't have anything to do with either of them.

Spoiler: Somewhat long rant

My mum, to put it bluntly, was totally cool with verbal, physical and mental abuse. Any issues I have now there's no question about it, they're largely because of her, the only good thing coming from that being that I can now verbally and physically defend myself like a champ since I had a damn lot of practice with it and I've been totally self sufficient and 'grown up' from a young age.

She's also a massive compulsive liar and gaslighter. These days, I can be 100% sure I'm right about something and the moment somebody questions it I start questioning myself. This is a huge issue for me, especially with my dad (point for later).

She (and her partner) are probably also the biggest factor in me both being massively against drugs (a good thing I guess) and massively against children. That'll be down to the fact that I've done enough parenting by essentially bringing up my brother as they slept in till late from their drug binges. A lot of resentment I have for my brother comes down to how much of my childhood I lost because I had to look after him.

I also don't remember a time where either my mum or step dad had a job. They're just lazy layabouts and as much as I've done my best to not have the same attitude and do have a good job, that attitude definitely rubbed off on me to some degree. I never really got encouraged in my hobbies or interests, just belittled and obstacles thrown in my way to prevent me ever achieving anything.

Especially because it's always been a huge part of my life and why I am where I am now, I'll never forget how hard she tried to stop me playing guitar or having an interest in music. Belittling me, complaining, making me feel bad, not letting me initially even bring it in the house when I managed to save up £40 to buy a crap one (because she refused to buy one). I would get scared of even practicing it at the risk of her throwing a tantrum that she could hear my unplugged electric guitar from downstairs (for those who don't know, basically anything can drown out the sound of an unplugged electric..Such as a closed door...Which I couldn't do because she broke my bedroom door and never fixed)...Then my brother mentioned it once, she bought him one right away for christmas and he never played it. When asked she gave the excuse of "well I knew you would play it if I got one and he wouldn't". Yea, f' off.

As a bonus note: two things my dad told me about her and why they didn't work out (I pestered him to tell me) were:
1 - She always wanted her own way and threw tantrums when she didn't get it. The example he gave being I wouldn't stop crying as a small baby so she threw me violently onto the bed.
2 - Her and my grandparents/her parents didn't talk for a long while. I always assumed it was because they didn't like my step dad (they don't), but again, when my dad let it slip slightly I pestered for more info. A few years after they split, my grandparents rang him with concerns about me telling him that my mum would tell them her *expensive necessary thing* such as a fridge had broke, they would buy her a new one and she would get it sold for drug money.

I at least never went hungry, and she did do her best for christmas and birthdays (though she would often ruin them with her attitude anyway). She chilled out a lot a couple of years ago and especially now I don't live there, she doesn't have the chance to be an arse with me (because, yano, I can just go home) so our relationship has only gotten better. I can also understand (not forgive) her struggling as a parent for various reasons too...I really should hate her and have cut contact at the first opportunity but, yano, pftt.

Looking back at it now, I've turned out as well as I have because of my grandparents (two of the most wonderful beans and very few I have not a single bad word to say about). I spent my time there when I could (school holidays, weekends). They didn't know the extent of what went on at home because I didn't tell them. I don't know why, probably because I didn't want to get in trouble or cause problems.





My dad I didn't see much of. When he and my mum split up he went for full custody and failed. He was a brilliant engineer and work took him abroad a lot. I think the longer we didn't see each other the harder it was to rekindle that relationship working up to my teenage years when I started going out a lot and not coming home, becoming hard to track down and even harder for us to """hang out""". I didn't really understand why he was never there for the longest time (which ultimately is inexcusable) as well as my mum forever telling me negative stuff about him.

That said, he offered me to come and work with him a few years ago which I accepted hoping to get to know my dad. I don't think we've ever really 'clicked' the way either of us hoped, but I at least get the genuine feeling from him that he knows he messed up and wants to make it right. Especially with my younger step sister he's going for full custody with, I can see he's trying to not make the same mistakes twice, even subtly (so he thinks) asking where he went wrong with me.

I think things would have been different here as well if he knew the extent of what my mum was like and he would have never left me there. Physically he's said he only ever hit me once and felt bad enough that it never happened again (the dude placed a folder down a bit hard and said genuinely said "I'm sorry to lash out in front of you like that"...He's a soft arse).

Any other issues we have are him underestimating what I'm capable of because of where I came from, which does wind me the f' up. Most problems with us are basically that, he has preconceived ideas of what I'm like or capable of due to essentially being raised by slobs where I have to prove him wrong rather than demonstrating that I can.

He's also hit or miss on whether he'll admit he's wrong, though I don't think it's purposely. Alongside how my mum was, this really causes issues and self doubt when I'm sure I was right. Luckily others around us are quick to jump in, especially since they know the deal with how I feel sometimes.

There's less to say with him because he wasn't there, which in itself is a glaring problem but I also know he isn't capable of a lot of the things my mum did.

Ultimately, whilst I feel about the same about them I know in my mind my dad easily wins out, even if it's only with "what could have been". I think the only connection I have to my mum is she did raise me, no matter how poorly. She has excuses for everything and anything wrong was never really her fault in her eyes. My dad genuinely comes across as a guy who knows he could and should have done better.

But the true winners are my mums parents/my grandparents. I feel that my mum and dad showed me how to do everything wrong, my grandparents showed me how to do everything beyond expectations.

 

[Mr_Persona]

well back then l didn't like my father when l was like 6-9, but that changed. I actually like him much more than my mother because she hasn't been a nice person since 2016. In 2016 l liked them both = but yeah it changed.

 

[ams]

I was raised by a single dad since my mom passed away when I was little. My dad is absolutely awesome! Definitely my favourite person. So I have to choose him even though I'm sure my mom was lovely too.