Do you like your parents the same?

[cIementine]

i'm close to both my parents, but much closer with my mum. we have a best friends, gilmore girlsy relationship where we tell each other everything and i've never not enjoyed her company, even throughout my adolescent years. i find it harder to talk to her about all aspects of my life now i've gone to uni in terms of what i get up to and relationships as not all of it is what a parent wants to hear, so i find it hard to tow the line of 'i want to tell her this because she's my best friend' and 'if she knew this she'd tell me off', but i often tell her anyway. i look up to her a lot. hearing her talk about how she lived in la in her early 20s motivated me to move to london for uni, and i hope when i'm older i have a relationship as close to my children as she has with me. she's my favourite person on the planet.
i grew up close to my dad in a different way. while me and my mum are similar people in interests, humour, the way we talk, etc, my dad is a lot quieter, more of a typical 'lad', but we bonded in different ways through things like going to see all the new marvel and star wars films together, me helping him with practical errands around the house (i'm the eldest sibling, and my mum has mobility issues that have meant i grew up being the helping hand in a lot of ways). a couple of years ago my dad left us but changed his mind, and i was very angry at him for a long time and i don't think our relationship will ever be the same. but since i've gone to uni my perspective has changed and i've forgiven him - i know he loves me, and he's really tried to rebuild our relationship. it's a lot easier to let go of the grudge and move on from it, so for the most part our specific closeness has returned. however the gap in my favour between my mum and dad is a lot more evident lol.

 

[Toska]

While I love both my parents equally, I’d have to say I have a much closer bond with my mom. I can usually always trust her, and we see eye to eye on most things. She’s the only person who I can completely tell all my feelings to and be understanding.

My dad and I have a good relationship, but I could never really tell him about some things. He always tried to help, but it just never came out the right way. He was raised in an abusive home, so I can’t blame him for not knowing what to say/do all the time. Again, we have a good relationship, it’s just I can’t tell him everything like I can my mother.

 

[Xara]

i’ve put off posting in this thread as i genuinely had no idea how to properly articulate my response and while i still don’t for the most part, my answer is 100% “no”.

saying that my mother can be a pain in the ass sometimes would be an understatement - she slept through most of my childhood due to untreated mental illness, has made life-altering decisions for selfish reasons, has said some hurtful things that i’ll likely always carry with me and the list goes on. but even though my dad has always been present in my life, she is the only parent that i’ve ever had. our relationship has been strained at times but i will never take her or the fact that i can talk to her without her suddenly becoming angry for granted. she is the only parent of mine who says “i love you”.

my father, on the other hand, is a complete and utter *******. his way of thinking and lack of compassion for others (especially for people who he’s supposed to love) honestly scares me a bit. my mother has been sick for over a year now and his only concern is the fact that the sound of her throwing up wakes him up. he has accused me of faking the severity of my anxiety so many times and seems to be counting down the minutes until my grandmother (mom’s mom) dies. i’m always walking on eggshells around him with how quickly his mood can change and i just. i can’t stand him LOL.

 

[Millysaurusrexjr]

I wish I could say I prefer them the same but honestly my dad somehow managed to brainwash himself over the past 15ish years and now he's one of those ultra-conservative, anti-science MAGA types. He is very racist, homophobic, etc. It's very depressing because political/crazy views aside he was a great dad and he has good qualities. Thanks a lot Rush Limbaugh and Mark Levin, thank you for ruining my dad. SO yeah I prefer my mom but I do love them both.

 

[Mimi Cheems]

I love both of my parents very very much. However, my mother and I used to have an incredibly unhealthy codependent relationship and I broke free from that. She refuses to see that it was unhealthy and badgers me to move back in with her sometimes. I am much happier at my dad's house. My dad has always been super supportive and understanding, same goes for my mother but she goes about it the wrong way. I hate to say this, but I prefer my father :'3

 

[Dunquixote]

I prefer my mom. My dad doesn’t seem to try to understand me and his temper reminds me of my ex who had PTSD; so scary. My dad’s temper is due to untreated anxiety. Yet he claimed to our financial he always knew i had asperger’s. no you don’t since he goes ballistic if i say anything that may be inappropriate and i don’t realize it until it is too late or if i show any sign of possibly being annoyed even if i am not. we tried sending him to the doctor but he lied and he lies about taking medicine. when he’s mad at me he backs me up in a corner and i have trouble articulating my thoughts or gathering my thoughts on the spot or under pressue so when i can’t say anything he says hurry up or talk already, there’s more but i’ll leave it at that. sometimes my mom doesn’t seem to understand me either or try to understand or consider my feelings but for the most part she at least tries.

 

[VanitasFan26]

Ugh...I don't even want to talk about them. They really treated me so badly... and I REALLY dislike them. They say that they love me but they refuse to acknowledge all of the bad stuff they did to me as a kid and it still hurts me as a person.

 

[WaileaNoRei]

I love them the same, though my relationships with them are very different and my relationship with my mother has been much more complicated throughout my life. I believe she has undiagnosed mental health issues - she’s an extremely anxious person whose moods really had a lot of impact on our household growing up. Looking back as the independent adult I am now I have a lot of compassion for her. The world is very scary and she is quite pessimistic (depending on my mood I either say her pessimism balanced out my natural optimism to make me a realist or that being optimistic in the face of her unrelenting pessimism was my way of rebelling) and extremely anxious about so many things. However, for me as a child and teen it was very difficult to cope with. She’s also a perfectionist, which is a whole other issue.

So for example as a child I had to do my homework while my parents went grocery shopping. But if I did it wrong (for example) didn’t draw straight enough lines in a project) I would have to do it over. And if I didn’t finish I would get in trouble. But his led to a horrible anxious paralysis which meant I inevitably dissolved into tears, got in trouble and still had to do my homework when they got home. (this may sound silly but it was truly awful to experience as a ten year old feeling so trapped and stressed each week) And in junior high when she was dropping me off somewhere to meet friends, if I was the first one there she would ask if I had really been invited, or if they might have changed their plans without telling me (thankfully this never happened). Not necessarily traumatic incidents, but definitely not the idea approaches for an already anxious and shy child to cope with.

so anyway, suffice to say we fought a lot at times and had a stressful and difficult relationship at many points. but on the other hand she always loved me and continues to love and support me as best she can despite her flaws. And now we are actually quite close, though she still drive me crazy at times. I both love her and feel protective over her, and as she has social anxiety, I am probably one of the people she is closest to in the world. I was able to tell her things like when I was began psychiatric treatment in college and she is supportive, though she does frequently ask me how I got so messed up She’s also crazy strong and stubborn and I realized I admire that and am kind of happy to have inherited that stubbornness from her.

my relationship with my father is much simpler. He was always kind of my rock when I was upset and fighting with my mom. He’s smart and funny and played my little ponies with us and didn’t care if we dressed my little brother up like a princess or whatever growing up, or do the over protective father thing when I was a teen (though he did tell me I really didn’t need to date until grad school, because it would just distract me from my goals). He’s not perfect either but I think he’s pretty great.

so yeah, I am very aware that despite their flaws I am lucky to have the parents I have.

I am also very glad to not need to live in the same house with them now though.

to people above who are struggling in difficult home situations. It feels wrong to like your posts, but I see you, and my heart goes out to you. you are strong, awesome people who deserve love and respect❤

 

[Manah]

Due to various unfortunate events I consider myself having only one parent.

 

[Pop-tart]

I much prefer my mum. I have a lot of issues with my dad.

 

[Disneyfangirl23]

I prefer my mum because my Dad was horrible - thank goodness I don’t see him anymore

 

[Meadows]

Seeing as I only have a mother, I'd have to go my mother.

 

[Maymeows16]

I love both my parents the same but I feel like I've always been closer to my mother especially after my parents divorced I feel that I was with her for the majority of my life. To me I see here as both a mom and dad since she was the main parent I had throughout life but I do love my father and have a good relationship with him still irregardless~

 

[NOVAnLUNA2015]

i’ve put off posting in this thread as i genuinely had no idea how to properly articulate my response and while i still don’t for the most part, my answer is 100% “no”.

saying that my mother can be a pain in the ass sometimes would be an understatement - she slept through most of my childhood due to untreated mental illness, has made life-altering decisions for selfish reasons, has said some hurtful things that i’ll likely always carry with me and the list goes on. but even though my dad has always been present in my life, she is the only parent that i’ve ever had. our relationship has been strained at times but i will never take her or the fact that i can talk to her without her suddenly becoming angry for granted. she is the only parent of mine who says “i love you”.

my father, on the other hand, is a complete and utter *******. his way of thinking and lack of compassion for others (especially for people who he’s supposed to love) honestly scares me a bit. my mother has been sick for over a year now and his only concern is the fact that the sound of her throwing up wakes him up. he has accused me of faking the severity of my anxiety so many times and seems to be counting down the minutes until my grandmother (mom’s mom) dies. i’m always walking on eggshells around him with how quickly his mood can change and i just. i can’t stand him LOL.

It sounds like both your parents struggle with mental illness and/or ptsd from past trauma. As hard as it is for you, just know it’s hard for them to and they are just trying to do the best they can. There is no directions manual for life or parenting. Just know it’s is your fault even though sometimes things get unfairly taken out on you and you get someone else being triggered taken out on you. It doesn’t justify their actions, but they aren’t intentional and wanting to hurt you in anyway.

Post automatically merged: May 1, 2021

Ugh...I don't even want to talk about them. They really treated me so badly... and I REALLY dislike them. They say that they love me but they refuse to acknowledge all of the bad stuff they did to me as a kid and it still hurts me as a person.

Like what?

 

[VanitasFan26]

It sounds like both your parents struggle with mental illness and/or ptsd from past trauma. As hard as it is for you, just know it’s hard for them to and they are just trying to do the best they can. There is no directions manual for life or parenting. Just know it’s is your fault even though sometimes things get unfairly taken out on you and you get someone else being triggered taken out on you. It doesn’t justify their actions, but they aren’t intentional and wanting to hurt you in anyway.

Post automatically merged: May 1, 2021

Like what?

You don't even want to know. If you want to talk to me about it. Private message. I don't really like saying this in public or on this thread but its very personal.

 

[Autumn247]

I prefer my mother. She’s the one who raised me. My father left the picture when I was 2 months old and I never had a stepfather or anything because she never remarried. It was always just us. I miss her. She passed away from leukemia 5 years ago when I was like 21 or 22.