Do your parents spy on you?

[Alienfish]

yeah, in my experience parents usually blame their children for not talking with them, but usually the parent is the one at fault. if you show that you can't be trusted (by doing stuff like snooping, making fun of your kid, talking about their secrets to everyone etc) it, surprise, won't make your children want to talk to you about more serious issues anymore !!

exactly, and it made me get huge trust issues in general.. i'm getting better now and try be more open but tbh these things can make deep traces within a human :/

i think making fun is also one of the worst if they seriously do it for their entertainment (yes my dad did that a few times -.-) and for everyone to laugh about.. like you wonder why i don't want to see you.. yeah you make fun of me and gets mad just because i'm not a tech dude like you.

i love how they actually blame too, like it's the kid's fault they don't tell you.. yeah guess why :^)

 

[Colour Bandit]

My dad keeps an eye on my Facebook, every time I post a status he gets a notification and if he sees something he isn't 100% happy with I get a text to let me know :/ it is annoying but I understand why he does it, he doesn't want any future employers to see anything that may put them off hiring me or posting pictures gloating about a new car or to or whatever just in case the wrong person sees it. I generally avoid posting stuff on there now.

Otherwise I'm left to myself, they know that if I want them to know something I will tell them.

 

[Alienfish]

My dad keeps an eye on my Facebook, every time I post a status he gets a notification and if he sees something he isn't 100% happy with I get a text to let me know :/ it is annoying but I understand why he does it, he doesn't want any future employers to see anything that may put them off hiring me or posting pictures gloating about a new car or to or whatever just in case the wrong person sees it. I generally avoid posting stuff on there now.

Otherwise I'm left to myself, they know that if I want them to know something I will tell them.

Well I think you would be able to handle that and tbh it's not a parent's job to keep track of that, I mean you gotta learn right? And you could always get one private and one more "official"?

 

[visibleghost]

exactly, and it made me get huge trust issues in general.. i'm getting better now and try be more open but tbh these things can make deep traces within a human :/

i think making fun is also one of the worst if they seriously do it for their entertainment (yes my dad did that a few times -.-) and for everyone to laugh about.. like you wonder why i don't want to see you.. yeah you make fun of me and gets mad just because i'm not a tech dude like you.

i love how they actually blame too, like it's the kid's fault they don't tell you.. yeah guess why :^)

tbh yeah. if you are telling someone an embarrassing story about someone else and the person it is about doesn't like it you have to stop. doesn't matter if it is your child or a friend, it's just basic respect tbh.

 

[Celestefey]

Not anymore. When I was younger, they did it a little more. My dad used to go through my phone, read my text messages between friends, because I never used to put a password lock on it. I never felt I had the need to because there was nothing to hide, but at the same time it really felt like he had invaded my privacy and that wasn't okay. He used to ask me "Who's ----?" and I'd be like, oh it's a friend at school? One girl at my school used to have the last name Bobby, and I think she texted me to let me know we needed to bring in something or other for a lesson. Obviously my dad read the text and said "Who's Bobby, is he your boyfriend?" and I was like... No, everyone just calls her by her last name, she's my friend... It was really pathetic and embarrassing to me. My dad also used to monitor a lot of things I posted on social media. He also used to make me leave my bedroom door open a lot of the time. Sometimes when I was upset or angry about something or if we had an argument, I'd go into my room and shut the door just so I could cry and let out my emotions/have my own space, and he'd come upstairs and open the door, telling me I'm not allowed to close it. Which was weird because he was never ever like that with my brother. This happened even when I was around 16/17. I never really understood why he made me do this. In fact I never used to shut my door until quite recently. When my parents split up, and I moved house with my mum, I finally had a door that could shut properly so it definitely gave me a bit more privacy and allowed me to have more of my own space.

Now I put a password lock on my phone, and even though I have nothing to hide (except maybe some weird af conversations with my friends which would be too hard to explain), I just prefer knowing I have my own privacy and knowing people won't snoop through my stuff. But yeah, even now, because I'm an adult, my parents just respect the fact that I can make my own choices now and they can't really stop me. My mum has always been much more respectful of my privacy so I feel like I can trust her a lot more than my dad.

 

[Alienfish]

tbh yeah. if you are telling someone an embarrassing story about someone else and the person it is about doesn't like it you have to stop. doesn't matter if it is your child or a friend, it's just basic respect tbh.

i know right? i would never go tell my parents or just random peeps if like my friends/bf/etc. told me stuff they wanna share with me because they know i don't go talk etc.

it's fun how people just ignore this respect things nowadays, probably because social media, dunno.

 

[visibleghost]

@celestefay i'm sorry that happened to you, that's rly invading your privacy.

my parents would make me have my door open a lot before. also i have never been allowed to lock it or something, which wouldnt have been a problem if my parents respected that i didnt want them entering my room (which they didnt lolllll)

parents seem to think that they have a right to be involved in everything ant their children, which isn't the case at all .,, hhhhh

 

[amanda1983]

Not often, I mean my mom always wants to come in my room to see how messy it is, my room, that me and my boyfriend pay like 600$ in rent for... but yeah she tries to pry in if the door isn't shut all the way so we always have to lock is so she wont go snooping... Like damn it woman I am 23 years old and pay you for this room, at the very least let it be mine.

Yikes!! My rent is AU$655.50 pcm for a large bedroom in a 3 bedroom sharehouse in one of the most ideal locations of an extremely affluent suburb... Sure I pay 1/3 of the bills on top and food etc, but that's normal. US$600 for the privilege of a parent constantly trying to sneak or push their way in?? You're either doing them a favour by living at home to help pay the bills or are looking into other living arrangements to move out ASAP I hope. @.@

 

[Celestefey]

@celestefay i'm sorry that happened to you, that's rly invading your privacy.

my parents would make me have my door open a lot before. also i have never been allowed to lock it or something, which wouldnt have been a problem if my parents respected that i didnt want them entering my room (which they didnt lolllll)

parents seem to think that they have a right to be involved in everything ant their children, which isn't the case at all .,, hhhhh

It was ****ty to be honest but it's not like my dad would just randomly walk into my room and start snooping through my stuff - at least, not to my knowledge he does. It's like he didn't want me to have my own space when I was crying or upset and that I have to tell him what's wrong or that I'm not allowed to "sulk". Lmao, I admit I can be a little emotional, but I should be allowed to be emotional, I should be allowed to have my own space to just let out my anger or stress or sadness, and not feel like I have to bottle it up because I know people might walk past my room or whatever. Now I do shut my door, and I feel like my dad has no justifiable excuse to make me open it, because I'm an adult, and it's my choice to. He has to respect the fact that I am allowed my own privacy, and he knows that. But I think it's disgusting the fact that I have to use the excuse "I'm an adult" to be allowed privacy. EVERYONE, regardless of their age, should be allowed to have their own privacy and their own space. Granted I am only 18, I still live at home, I only have a part-time job and only recently left school, so it's not like I have really changed all that much from when I was like 16 or 17 to be honest?

I'm sorry you also have to deal with that, you deserve your own privacy and your own space, that's something that people should respect. It can feel suffocating and exhausting having to constantly share your space or have someone invade it - especially if you're introverted. I hope that as you get older your parents might be a bit more respectful of your space, even though it shouldn't be that way, that was really the only way my dad would listen to me, so hopefully it's the same in your case, too.

Edit: also I forgot, even though my dad doesn't snoop through my texts or anything like that anymore, he still loves to constantly ask me if I have a boyfriend or if I'm interested in anyone. I'm not interested in anyone, but even if I was, I wouldn't tell him, because I just don't trust him. :S (also, way to go for assuming I'm hetero in the first place, but again, he believes homosexuality is not "natural" and goes against the sanctity of marriage so I couldn't tell him anyway)

 

[Twisterheart]

No.

 

[Alienfish]

It was ****ty to be honest but it's not like my dad would just randomly walk into my room and start snooping through my stuff - at least, not to my knowledge he does. It's like he didn't want me to have my own space when I was crying or upset and that I have to tell him what's wrong or that I'm not allowed to "sulk". Lmao, I admit I can be a little emotional, but I should be allowed to be emotional, I should be allowed to have my own space to just let out my anger or stress or sadness, and not feel like I have to bottle it up because I know people might walk past my room or whatever. Now I do shut my door, and I feel like my dad has no justifiable excuse to make me open it, because I'm an adult, and it's my choice to. He has to respect the fact that I am allowed my own privacy, and he knows that. But I think it's disgusting the fact that I have to use the excuse "I'm an adult" to be allowed privacy. EVERYONE, regardless of their age, should be allowed to have their own privacy and their own space. Granted I am only 18, I still live at home, I only have a part-time job and only recently left school, so it's not like I have really changed all that much from when I was like 16 or 17 to be honest?

I'm sorry you also have to deal with that, you deserve your own privacy and your own space, that's something that people should respect. It can feel suffocating and exhausting having to constantly share your space or have someone invade it - especially if you're introverted. I hope that as you get older your parents might be a bit more respectful of your space, even though it shouldn't be that way, that was really the only way my dad would listen to me, so hopefully it's the same in your case, too.

Edit: also I forgot, even though my dad doesn't snoop through my texts or anything like that anymore, he still loves to constantly ask me if I have a boyfriend or if I'm interested in anyone. I'm not interested in anyone, but even if I was, I wouldn't tell him, because I just don't trust him. :S (also, way to go for assuming I'm hetero in the first place, but again, he believes homosexuality is not "natural" and goes against the sanctity of marriage so I couldn't tell him anyway)

Damn, of course you should be allowed to cry or be emotional. To be honest was dad pretty much the same and probably said a few times I was "p-word"(no censoring bypass, just can't think of a better word than that or coward rn and it's a kid's place) just because I cried or went emotional about things or stuff. And yeah the only space I could actually get as his place was by going online or when he told me to go to my room when I was acting "dumb", just because I said no to stuff. To be honest I don't think I could cry for real for the longest time until recent years...

And yeah this "privacy" age things is bs. I mean yes you need privacy unless you are doing stuff that are dangerous to yourself and you need help, then it's another thing. Also I hate when they claim these things "in the name of I being a parent" or stuff. Like, bro/sis, treat your kids with respect and don't act overly strict or they will never learn to function or trust other people regardless of friends or, co-workers.

Yeah I don't think I could tell my dad either, not that we see each other much unless we need to do some paperwork or rare times go out ear etc. but yeah I don't really need him in my life making even more fun.

 

[amanda1983]

yeah, in my experience parents usually blame their children for not talking with them, but usually the parent is the one at fault. if you show that you can't be trusted (by doing stuff like snooping, making fun of your kid, talking about their secrets to everyone etc) it, surprise, won't make your children want to talk to you about more serious issues anymore !!

That has been my experience generally, too. Once a parent breaks their child's trust - and even young children notice these things, though it's a common misconception that children under a certain age have no understanding of such things - it is very difficult to repair the damage. ESPECIALLY where the parent is bound and determined that they "had to" or "had no choice" ... it is exceptionally poor judgement on the part of the adult to refuse to see and acknowledge the child as an individual who needs and deserves the right to privacy. If the adult doesn't get a reality check then they will continue to alienate their child and probably escalate the invasive behaviours as things become more and more strained.

If there is a trusted adult - including doctors and people you talk to for mental health stuff - who could talk to your parent/s either with you or for you, then it is absolutely worth asking for help with this if you can. Doesn't have to be in depth, or cover all issues. But growing adolescents NEED privacy and increasing levels of freedom. Mental health issues may complicate the situation but that is all the more reason to have clear, firm boundaries in place - for all parties. My parents attended sessions with my cognitive behavioural therapist with me at her request, in order to make sure that they were aware of, and supportive towards, my needs. Mine was a very complex case, but those sessions were focussed on establishing clear boundaries and what role my parents would play in helping me as I continued to grow (I was 16 when I started, 17 by the time parents came in for CBT and then 18.5 or so by end of my time with that team). Much of what was done with my parents was applicable to any teen, just that in my situation we had to work through the medical stuff and make sure my parents didn't take too much "control" of me and my life while I was so unwell.

Of course no-one can make someone else listen, learn, acknowledge their mistakes, and improve for the future if they don't want to. But with parenting in particular many people lose sight of the "bigger picture" and often just need a wake up call from (sadly) another adult to set them straight. Often a quick chat with a clued-up adult to the helicopter parent can cause a big shift in thinking, unless the parent is actually using their child to deal with their own issues (in that case, there's little to be done but get away once you can imo). It would be ideal if they could listen and really accept the same insight from their own child, but in my experience many parents really struggle to understand that their child is a capable human being who is increasingly competent and independent in every way. It's fascinating to watch in action but always heartbreaking to see parents of toddlers setting up patterns that will cause so much pain in the future; those invasive, entitled habits are usually set in early childhood and it sucks that society treats children more like accessories than individual people, as that feeds directly into these kinds of attitudes in many ways.

 

[Melchoir]

Nope. My mum respects my privacy, I respect hers. There's no reason for her to go through my stuff.

 

[Alienfish]

Of course no-one can make someone else listen, learn, acknowledge their mistakes, and improve for the future if they don't want to. But with parenting in particular many people lose sight of the "bigger picture" and often just need a wake up call from (sadly) another adult to set them straight. Often a quick chat with a clued-up adult to the helicopter parent can cause a big shift in thinking, unless the parent is actually using their child to deal with their own issues (in that case, there's little to be done but get away once you can imo).

This has been a bit of issues with my parents as well, they want me to grow up still they try to use their helicopters way too much and not help me at all. I mean yes if you want to help me financially or whatever, do it, but do it for a good thing and not because you need to control me, then you might as well stop.

This has been huge issues with my dad, he really tries to be controlling and behave like an ass in general and then wondering why I don't see him or his side of relatives very often. Yeah guess why, you treat them way more different (aside from him yelling a bit at his mother which ain't more justified but she's old so) and you're all nice to them and stuff you do to me you say it's because you are my daughter? Yeah, so what doesn't justify a thing.

 

[TheGreatBrain]

I don't think they did. However, my older sister would snoop through my things and if she saw something personal, she would show my mom. ( Like love letters from boys).

As for my teens, I never snoop or go through their things, but I know they do mine, and that really irritates me. I respect their space, they should do the same.

 

[amanda1983]

... Lmao, I admit I can be a little emotional, but I should be allowed to be emotional, I should be allowed to have my own space to just let out my anger or stress or sadness, and not feel like I have to bottle it up because I know people might walk past my room or whatever. Now I do shut my door, and I feel like my dad has no justifiable excuse to make me open it, because I'm an adult, and it's my choice to. He has to respect the fact that I am allowed my own privacy, and he knows that. But I think it's disgusting the fact that I have to use the excuse "I'm an adult" to be allowed privacy. EVERYONE, regardless of their age, should be allowed to have their own privacy and their own space. Granted I am only 18, I still live at home, I only have a part-time job and only recently left school, so it's not like I have really changed all that much from when I was like 16 or 17 to be honest?

I'm sorry you also have to deal with that, you deserve your own privacy and your own space, that's something that people should respect. It can feel suffocating and exhausting having to constantly share your space or have someone invade it - especially if you're introverted. I hope that as you get older your parents might be a bit more respectful of your space, even though it shouldn't be that way, that was really the only way my dad would listen to me, so hopefully it's the same in your case, too.

Just wanted to say you are absolutely right, and I'm very glad you've at least gotten that privacy now (although it should have been yours all along). Just being able to go to your own room and shut the door can be such a relief at *any* age it's appalling to me that some parents deny this to their children out of some misguided assumption that they are entitled to know everything their child thinks and feels.

 

[Pookie4557]

My dad doesn't really bug me and respects my privacy but my mom constantly bugs me about what I'm doing and personal stuff. I don't think she really spys on me though, and if I found out she does I would probably freak out.

 

[nerdatheart9490]

My mother is a very controlling woman. She spies on everyone in her life. I've never seen her actively spy on me, but she always has information of things I say or do in private or when I'm not home or with family.

 

[Oblivia]

I live in an entirely different city than either of my parents and haven't lived under the same roof as either of them in a number of years, but my mom pretty much left me alone when I did live with her. I doubt I'd be very tolerant of her or anyone else disrespecting my privacy unless I gave her a valid reason to snoop around.

 

[Trip]

No they don't and I'm glad that they don't.