Homewreckers and Cheaters

[Mink777]

I don't know. It really depends on how close you are with the person.

 

[Aniko]

In my opinion if someone cheats they broke their "for better or worse" contract themselves. Even one night with another behind their partners back is not staying with their partner through better or worse. The cheater broke the contract. It should not be on the loyal one to uphold something already broken.

For some people it's part of the worse and they want to deal with it. One would think: I will stay with you forever even if there are temptations, even if you are no longer desirable, even if you are getting seriously on my nerves. Another would think: I want to make things work even if one of us (or both) did something bad. It's to people to define what is their better or worse.

Talking about loyal, a woman told me recently that because now they were married she couldn't experience new relationships anymore. She should have dated different type of guys and not settle for the first one that fulfilled all her requirements. Now it was all over. O.O So no she won't cheat on him but still think about other guys and regret being married so young.
To me it's all the same.

 

[Soda Fox]

For some people it's part of the worse and they want to deal with it. One would think: I will stay with you forever even if there are temptations, even if you are no longer desirable, even if you are getting seriously on my nerves. Another would think: I want to make things work even if one of us (or both) did something bad. It's to people to define what is their better or worse.

Talking about loyal, a woman told me recently that because now they were married she couldn't experience new relationships anymore. She should have dated different type of guys and not settle for the first one that fulfilled all her requirements. Now it was all over. O.O So no she won't cheat on him but still think about other guys and regret being married so young.
To me it's all the same.

Fair enough. However I think it will be tough to find someone so selfless as to want to work something like being cheated on out. To those people that do, kudos to them. I think they're idiots but I wish the best for them.

For the second part, again, fair enough. Not necessarily true that you can never experience other relationships and still be happily and equally married - as long as both parties communicate and agree - there can definitely be more people in the mix.

I disagree that fantasizing and fantasizing alone is on equal footing to actually doing the deed. It's natural to feel attracted to someone else *once in a while. As long as it's not acted on there is no harm. At least in my opinion.

 

[Aniko]

If two people are in a relationship and both do not care for fidelity though, then it wouldn't be cheating to go pursue other sexual endeavours (lol that sounds lame). To each their own, and that's not bad. But I disagree that "better or worse" includes cheating. That would pretty much be saying, "I take you to be my lawfully wedded whatever, to have and to hold... even if you cheat on me." See how ridiculous that sounds? It's like putting a loophole in a contract, so I don't believe that's what better or worse means. It is up to each individual whether or not they choose to forgive a cheating partner, BUT they are not bound by their vows to do so.

Well it's cheating if they lied about it or hid it, even if it's not bad enough for them to divorce. It may not what "better or worse" meant at the beginning ...although...I wonder...religious knew pretty well how men and women were weak to temptations and because they were forbidden to divorce (at least in Catholic church), forgiveness is was they preached, especially since women had nowhere to go, no money, no support. So yes I think it was part of the worse for a long time.

Now it's to the couple to decide, that doesn't mean they won't be pretty mad if that happens, but depending on how/when/with whom it happened they might decide to deal with it and get over it (so then it's part of the worse).

 

[Tao]

I can totally see what you're saying. But what if the person your friend was cheating on was also your very close friend?

I imagine I would still just tell them that they may as well come clean because I'm only going to tell them anyway when they eventually ask an inevitable question like "where is 'person who is cheating' today?"...Then when the inevitable ironic "you would betray me!?" argument happens give them a lecture about how they're being a massive butt nozzle.

 

[Aniko]

Fair enough. However I think it will be tough to find someone so selfless as to want to work something like being cheated on out. To those people that do, kudos to them. I think they're idiots but I wish the best for them.

For the second part, again, fair enough. Not necessarily true that you can never experience other relationships and still be happily and equally married - as long as both parties communicate and agree - there can definitely be more people in the mix.

I disagree that fantasizing and fantasizing alone is on equal footing to actually doing the deed. It's natural to feel attracted to someone else *once in a while. As long as it's not acted on there is no harm. At least in my opinion.

There are many cheating stories, sometimes the person being cheated has also a part of responsibility. We won't explore all the stories but I don't think they are idiots. (Unless they are not fine with it and just suffer in silence resigned)

Yes but that girl is very religious and won't go for an open relationship.

Fantasizing once, or finding someone else charming is no big a deal I think, (although I personally don't, but it's not relevant) but in her case it's all the time and regretting being married, but she won't divorce because breaking her vows is out of question and he's a good husband. I think it's harmful for the other person if they don't feel desired, and most of girls dislike seeing their guys drooling on other girls anyway. If it were me I would dislike it, I wouldn't like someone being loyal to me just because they feel forced to, or because they swear they would but secretly dreaming about all others.

 

[Soda Fox]

There are many cheating stories, sometimes the person being cheated has also a part of responsibility. We won't explore all the stories but I don't think they are idiots. (Unless they are not fine with it and just suffer in silence resigned)

Yes but that girl is very religious and won't go for an open relationship.

Fantasizing once, or finding someone else charming is no big a deal I think, (although I personally don't, but it's not relevant) but in her case it's all the time and regretting being married, but she won't divorce because breaking her vows is out of question and he's a good husband. I think it's harmful for the other person if they don't feel desired, and most of girls dislike seeing their guys drooling on other girls anyway. If it were me I would dislike it, I wouldn't like someone being loyal to me just because they feel forced to, or because they swear they would but secretly dreaming about all others.

I guess that's where we differ. I'm not religious and find religion stunts common sense. Personally I think that if both people in a relationship communicate and agree on things, they can be much more flexible on what the true meaning of their relationship is.

 

[ams]

I said no, but I have had close friends in the past who cheated on their partners and didn't tell them. At the time I stayed friends with them in an effort to "not judge" them, but I've since grown up and realized that staying silent is as much of a judgement as condemning someone's behaviour. In the future I would have to cut ties with someone who was that cruel to others.

 

[Jake]

It would depend on the situation. If it was someone I'm not too close with then I'd probably be like "bye" because I wouldn't care enough to ask why, but if they were a close friend then maybe I'd be okay with it. Reason being is, it's not always black and white. The person who is married could be having marital issues, be separated but not divorced, and not telling their partner because they're not ready for that step and don't want their partner to think they've given up, maybe their partner is already having an affair and they just don't care. There are so many other reasons for them to be cheating, so I can't give a simple yes or no answer if I'm not fully aware of the circumstances.

 

[Aniko]

I guess that's where we differ. I'm not religious and find religion stunts common sense. Personally I think that if both people in a relationship communicate and agree on things, they can be much more flexible on what the true meaning of their relationship is.

I'm not religious either and I agree it's to the couple to define what is good for them. In the case I was talking about, the husband know nothing about it, she sleeps with him thinking about fictional characters or anybody else, but him. I find that quite lame (at least be honest and let him do the same). But it's my opinion. I'm not married and don't want to, I allow my BFs to be flirty a bit, to look a bit, but if I sense their mind is elsewhere all the time, I let them go. Open relationship is not my thing.

To come back to cheating. I don't always feel sorry for the person who is cheated on. For instance my brother was dating a girl for several years, maybe 4 years, but neglected her all the time. She was practically running after work to see him and he was barely seeing her too busy with his Playstation. Their time together looked pretty much like her looking at him playing. One week-end they had decided to go to a party with friends but at the last minute he dumped her for the Playstation and told her to go alone with her friends. She was so mad that she drank too much at the party complaining to anybody who wanted to listen and of course there was a guy "nice" enough to listen to all her cr** and console her. Next morning....She came back crying and admitted having passing the night with the guy, she regretted it, she didn't want to, the guy meant nothing to her...and so on. He just kicked her out. Nothing else. Then my mom sided with him to call her a sl**. It was too much for me, seriously I think it was his fault, he neglected her then let another guy took advantage of her, because right, the other guy was not that nice, he was just preying on an easy prey. She was not an easy girl but that night she was vulnerable and yes she cheated on him, but I don't think she deserved being treated that way.

Second case, I know (another) married woman who literally refuse being intimate with her husband, she wants him to take care of the kids, of the house, of her, to listen to ALL her problems (and she has a LOT to complain about) but no kisses, no sex, because she doesn't like that much, or it's too much troubles or whatever, although it was not like that at the beginning of their relationship. He proposed her couple therapy, alternatives (no idea what it is), nope, she even hates when he's like that because no manly enough (?). She doesn't want to divorce because he's a perfect husband after all and I know he won't too because: he loves her and he's a family guy, he wants the family to stay together. So they won't divorce, they won't have sex or anything intimate, but it's still something important to him and while that time, mrs. is flirting with guys on Internet and told me fantasizing a lot about an ex-lover...just not her husband. She's sure he will never cheat on her... Well if he does I might turn a blind eye on it.

 

[Nuclear Bingo]

Many of my close friends have cheated. Sister too. Doesn't bother me. Cheating when married is ****ed up but that alone wouldn't make me end a friendship with someone. Cheating is not okay, and it's a terrible thing　especially after you marry someone. Truly despicable. It would mean a divorce for me, but as I said, friends is okay

 

[cornimer]

Cheating hits close to home for me so yes, it would bother me a lot if a friend cheated on their partner. If it were a casual friend I would definitely not associate with them anymore, if it were a very close friend whom I've known for a long time I don't know if I would cut them out of my life completely but I definitely would not trust them or think the same way about them anymore. Cheating is so disgusting and despicable and it makes me so mad

 

[visibleghost]

cheaters are :'/ but rly it isnt my business if one of my friends is wwith someone who's in a relationship, it is the person cheating whos bad. i mean i get it they wouldnt be cheating if the person theyre cheating with wouldnt agree but it's rly just that person and their partner's problem.
if my friend were the one cheating i would be really disapproving if they had a srs relationship w/ their partner. tho just casual stuff idrc as much.., it's their problem. lmao. tho it's important to not hurt other people and if i noticed my friend was cheating and being a bad person in general i wouldnt feel very good about being their friend because i wouldnt want to get into drama bc of them

 

[hamster]

i did cheat on my previous partner which wasn't nice at all. i did tell him straight after though. i told him i wasn't going to be committed at the beginning and he flirted with a lot of girls anyway and didn't even bother to hide it. he was pretty upset about it but i didn't know he actually loved me. i saw our relationship as fun & games
it depends if i'd remain friends with a cheater or not. if they're happily married (or not it doesn't really matter) with kids and they just wake up and decide to cheat on their partner then they can **** off

 

[Saylor]

Cheating makes me very uncomfortable and it's not something I'd want to be associated with at all, so I'm inclined to say no, but I really think it depends on the circumstances. One of my best friends was in a relationship a couple of years ago with someone who physically and verbally abused her, and whenever she'd try to distance herself from him he'd threaten her and make her feel guilty about it. She wound up seeing one of her other close friends while she was still in the relationship and I didn't blame her for that. I never thought for a second that anyone other than her abuser was in the wrong so it didn't affect our friendship, and I'd definitely stick with any of my friends if they were ever in a situation like that.

If it was just about any other situation, I'm not sure how I'd react. If it was someone I was still getting to know I'd probably drop them right away, but I don't think I would cut a close friend out of my life completely unless they continued to do it. I'd be really disappointed if it happened one time but if the cheating became a pattern, I wouldn't be able to think of them the same way anymore and I don't think I'd wanna hang out with someone who's repeatedly willing to do something as awful as that to a person.

 

[radical6]

Actually my fetish is cheaters because I'm into cuckoldry

 

[KaydeeKrunk]

Cheating on their S.O.-No i would not be their friend still, because that is just really messed up, if you don't like them anymore and want to be with someone else BREAK UP

Now, being in a relationship with someone whose in a relationship- Yes I would still be their friend, my friend was a side hoe, and had a baby that way, but that's on the guy, that's not on her, so I mean I don't really have a problem with that person, just the one who is doing the cheating.