How do you deal with having no friends?

[Hopeless Opus]

i kind of feel the same, except the thing is my irl friends actually talk to me and want me to go places with them sometimes. like whenever i'm at school i'm normally miserable aside from the fact i have my friends. the thing is, i don't really know how to explain how to deal with having no friends. i've never had this problem, because i am an extreme extrovert in a lot of cases. growing up, i always was surrounded by people, so i became a people person - i was in the girl scouts, i knew everyone on my street and was with them constantly. it was easy for me to be friends for people, and it still is. the thing is, getting along with people is my problem lol.

i've lost so many people i considered close throughout the years. they were fake friends though, they were people who i let into my heart but they ended up trying to break it. i come to trust very easily, and i come to love the company of new people extremely easily, but that's my number one problem. i like that about myself, i truly do, but at times this causes people to manipulate me. i was manipulated so much around the age of 12/13, it was ridiculous. i was like people's puppets, but it was because i was afraid of letting go. letting go is honestly my biggest struggle, and i gave people second chances, even third or fourth chances, even though they'd hurt me so badly. but now, i'm learning to get the negativity out of my life. okay, back onto the actual topic of the thread before i derail this post entirely..

there was one thing i did struggle with though, and that was finding my best friend. i was so jealous of people for having a best friend. even though i was surrounded by so many people i felt so alone without someone to call 'my person', or 'my other half'. throughout my life i've had quite a few best friends - a childhood best friend, but when i moved we didn't talk anymore. then i met a guy who i thought was my best friend forever. i mean we were glued to the hip and everything, i couldn't stand not being by his side. i think i crushed huge on him too, lol. then he turned on me and took all my friends (most horrifying and scarring thing of my cringe years). then i met 2 girls who i really had fun with, and they became my best friends. but they weren't the ones either. now, i'm sitting here with about 6 best friends who i wouldn't trade for the world.

really, it is so hard to go through life thinking 'i'm never gonna find the person for me' but there really is hope. you can find friends, you can bond with people and love them! and they'll love you back. it's hard, trust me i know... you just have to find the right ones who make your heart beat faster, and make you sad when they leave you to go to sleep. you'll find your people, i seriously believe there's hope for everyone to find good friends. it's like soulmates.. some people are just meant to be friends and some others aren't.

 

[thatawkwardkid]

I don't mind not having a lot of friends since I like to be alone most of the time. I do get lonely sometimes which sucks. There's a small group of people who I very occasionally hang out with but I wouldn't consider them friends, just acquaintances. When ever I get bored or lonely I just play Animal Crossing, use the internet, or go walking.

 

[visibleghost]

it's not the biggest problem in my life tbh hahah i barely care about anything anymore so it's not a big deal. sometimes i get sad but lol. i mean it's not like it is anyone elses fault that i have no friends and whining about it doesnt change anything so idk. it makes me feel really pathetic that im this bad at talking to people but Wel Whatevrer.,

 

[Xme]

I think a small circle is better than a large one anyway. You can always trust the people around you. I like having my husband and one best friend. Everyone else is an aquantance, and I think it's less stressful.

- - - Post Merge - - -

I can't say on a forum like this on how I deal with no friends.

<3 thinking of you

 

[Ghost Soda]

i throw a pity party and generally feel sorry for myself then get over it.

 

[Zireael]

I don't have many friends and it's never bothered me, because I'm extremely selective about who I get to know and vice versa. Honestly, my closest friends are all people I've met online years ago and are fairly close in terms of geography. Although we have not met in person, I think it's something that we will do at some point. In fact some of them already gathered to watch some sort of League event, but since I'm not into that game I didn't go, in addition to being outside of mainland Europe whilst they're all a little closer to each other.

As for "real life" friends, they tend to come and go for me. I've seen changes in people I thought I knew well and it was always tragic to witness, which is why I'm far more cautious around people I meet irl now. Ever since my last year of school, I've enjoyed my solitude in most cases, but I wouldn't mind meeting someone I could really connect with on a personal level and actually trust over time. Until then, I have my family and partner.

 

[Suyeon]

Any friends that I have now are all/mostly online. Real life friendships among the people I grew up with are harder to keep and maintain due to...
- location (I don't have a car, some people have moved out of state/country... meet ups on a whim are out of the question)
- life happens (the majority of girls I went to school with are now mothers; I'm single and child-free. Even without location being a factor, I couldn't just call up and say 'let's have a girls' night out' without considering babysitters, budgets, etc.)
- obligations (work, church, children, parents, home, significant other, bills, college... Everyone has these obligations to some capacity that can get in the way of maintaining friendships)

If you have issues with loneliness - even with people around you - then that should be addressed first before tackling the 'I don't have friends' issue. What makes you lonely in a group? Is the conversation shallow? Are the activities something that you rather not do, but you tag along to not be a spoil-sport or be boring? Are you coming to realize that you simply don't have the same interests as others?

The biggest question: are you comparing yourself to those around you who are obvious extroverts? We all know someone who is. They're the life of the party or they live to party, while on social media at the same time. They always have some crazy story to recount from everything they've participated in and they can get a person's life story within a matter of a few minutes. The lot of us may simply be introverts - introverts are better off having a few real friends (IRL or online) rather than a ton of shallow acquaintances that we only think are friends.

If you want to be better at making friends...
- First of all, don't call yourself 'boring.' If you're boring, then that means that you have no hobbies, interests, opinions, skills, etc. Everyone needs something outside of school, work, chores that they enjoy. Everyone has an opinion on politics/religion/the news/entertainment, etc. Everyone - if they want/need to work to survive - has a skill or talent.
- Don't actively look for friends. Let it just happen between you and other individuals.
- Don't limit your options. Make friends with people of all ages, skin colors, creeds, religions (but at the same time, be selective - don't befriend someone who may have a spotty/sketchy history, record, etc.).
- Online friends count as well. Computers are only machines and aren't sentient. There's a breathing person behind the screen that you can't see. Outside of the 'Prince from Nigeria' and other scam artists, you're still communicating with real people and they shouldn't be dismissed as potential friends.

 

[Avocado LaSchaap]

I was one of those people who took the "best friends forever" motto, literally and seriously. But things don't work out that way really unless both sides want to put in the effort too which is a very rare thing to have. I've learned that you go down a path, you find people among the few, you become friends with, you have their company wether good or bad or both. Sometimes you've been with them so long, you nearly forget the feeling of walking alone, and you feel like they will be with you on your path forever. And once they leave for whichever reasons it being, you feel alone and a little anxious on why your alone and if there is something wrong with being alone, until you come across another friend.

I think being alone for a period of time without anyone is part of the process of making new friends. Because I'm pretty sure if your future friend, maybe even someone that you had a possibility of getting along better would come along while your still friends with your old ones, there's a chance the two of you might not be friends due to the attention you pay to your old friends out of attachment.

I think everyone in general goes through this process of being alone. I'm sure there are people who probably never had a period of being alone, but its probably the ones who put alot of effort in making sure they aren't alone.

How I cope with having no friends? I look at the benefits of having no friends. I think of the bad things that come with having friends. Drama/Attitude/Fighting/Arguments/Competitiveness but it all really depends on what kind of click you typically find yourself in. People tend to look other who have no friends as sad and lonely and pathetic, but we usually just go around social media watching problems and drama unravel in friend groups that are supposedly the soulmates with popcorn in our hands, shaking our heads.

I think having times where your alone is as healthy as having times with friends. There are benefits to having friends like there are benefits to being alone, and same with cons. So think about what is something you enjoy about being alone, having plenty of time to yourself doing anything that you want to do. And enjoy it while you can because if you really do want friends, and if you put in even a little effort, then one will come along some day.

Thank you for replying Soraru, your post was really helpful to me. You are probably right that trying to prioritize dying friendships probably just hinders any attempts I might have to make new ones. I love my friends so much that I hate to admit that they've basically left me, but you're right, it's not so bad to be alone for a time. After all I'm not a kid anymore who has to worry about being cool or popular. I should worry more about myself instead of my friends, and focus on growing as a person. So long as I am the best person I can be, eventually someone will want to be my friend again. Again thank you, and good luck!

- - - Post Merge - - -

I honestly don't have any advice. I'm suffering the same.

Hmm. At my age, it's extremely hard to find friends now. Since other people have established their group of friends.
I thought I had friends from middle school to high school. I consider them all my friends and I care for all very much. However, it's not the other way around. I didn't realize it until my senior year of high school. I've been excluded a lot of hangouts among "friends". I lost touch a lot of people, and it makes me sad. So I try lying myself that I was happy, but then I totally lost it during the end of senior year. Then I go into a deep depression and keeping thinking myself if I am not good enough to anyone. It took around 2-3 years to finally to get over it. Still suffering from here to there.

I tempted to make friends during first year of university, but it end up having unnecessary drama that my petty "friends" created for no apparent reason. I don't know why, it's just a waste of time. So I end up leaving that group of friends. Plus i was getting irritated, that they don't have common sense (lol woops).

How I am dealing it now, is just focusing on myself for my well being. lol I find it sad, that animal crossing villagers are my only friends atm. :,) lol. To get my distracted, I just go to a random group chat and try to talk to people like on Gaia or something. I just need some attention like just talking to someone to keep me out being insane. lol. Maybe I am not a people person anymore. idk.

Ah, don't give up. I never had much luck making friends in university either. I also enjoy talking to people online. It helps me feel like I'm socializing, and when people are interested in me (unlike my irl friends) it's an ego boost, haha. I used to have good friends online but I lost touch with them too, now I just talk to random people. Feel free to message me if you ever need to stop yourself from going insane!

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Don't stress tbh. As you get older being friends will revolve around having kid play dates and Mary Kay parties. Dunno about you but that sounds terrible.

Uuhh. . . yeah I'd say that sounds terrible right now, but I guess most moms seem happy. Though I agree, I'd rather have my own friends than find socialization through my children :s

 

[Avocado LaSchaap]

@ Suyeon

Ah, you make some good points. Thank you for posting. My real problem is not that my group of friends is small, I'm okay with that, it's that even the closest of those small group of friends is getting more and more absent from my life. Even my online friends have drifted apart. Even the Prince of Nigeria.

To break it down. . . my relationships with the people I do get to interact with regularly, ie. my boyfriend, my sister, my parents, are fine.

My friends make me feel lonely. Why? Easy answer, cause they never talk to me and more often than not straight up ignore me when I try to message them! What kind of friend would do that? One who is hardly a true friend at all, and thus my original post.

Haha, sorry to sound short, they are the ones putting me off, not you. Thank you for your support, you are right that I should not call myself boring or try and force friendships. Things will go as they go and I should just hang in there and socialize whatever way I can in the mean time.

 

[Irelia]

simple, you just

Spoiler: .

ok but post quality so what I would hypothetically do is become attached to fictional characters to fill the void in your heart

 

[Soraru]

Thank you for replying Soraru, your post was really helpful to me. You are probably right that trying to prioritize dying friendships probably just hinders any attempts I might have to make new ones. I love my friends so much that I hate to admit that they've basically left me, but you're right, it's not so bad to be alone for a time. After all I'm not a kid anymore who has to worry about being cool or popular. I should worry more about myself instead of my friends, and focus on growing as a person. So long as I am the best person I can be, eventually someone will want to be my friend again. Again thank you, and good luck!

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oh... hehe.
im glad you enjoyed the post. it makes me happy that my words give a bit of ideas or help to others.
best of luck to you too!

 

[LinkToTheWorld]

It's not that I haven't got friends...it's that I really struggle with being sociable. Half the time I just don't have the energy and I know it annoys my friends when we make plans and have to cancel. It does end up feeling quite lonely sometimes, I can go weeks without seeing anybody other than my mom. I guess it's just something you deal with and make the best of...

 

[keef_kogane]

I have one best friend who lives three states away from me, and that's about it. I mean, I have my fiance (who I live with), but I've lost most of my friends due to anxiety and falling-outs. Honestly, to cope, I write or throw myself into games. It's super unhealthy, especially when I don't leave the house for months on end, but mental illnesses have that power.

I'd love to change, but it's that whole 'oh, if I make friends, they won't stick around anyway' mindset as well as anxiety that makes me hold back and basically cower in fear.

 

[Nightmares]

Uhh... idk tbh
I'm just hoping I'll make some friends in sixth form or something...

I though I made a sorta friend...not really... but recently she's been ignoring me when her best friends are around so that sucks lmao
Maybe this is selfish, but I'm trying to act the same around her and not bring it up... because I want someone to revise with for my major exams T____T;;

But how do I deal with being lonely and ****?? I guess I just try and occupy myself? Most of the time I go to the I.T. room and do h/w or listen to music.
When I'm at home I just go online

EDIT: Wow I answered twice, I really am lame oops

 

[Sanrio]

if i have no irl friends, i rely on my internet friends

if i have no internet friends, then welp.

 

[toadsworthy]

Well take it from someone a bit older (judging you are the average age around here), while it is good to focus goals like career and school, we as humans have some sort of social need we want to fulfill. I am getting to a point in life (mid 20s before I start to sound like a mid life crisis lol) where you start to see all the best friends or engagement/marriages everywhere and you start to think, well what about me? I've become super cognizant that I have no one in my life that I can tell everything too. I recognize there is a level of intimacy (not just physical... be mature) that you get with friends, family, and significant others that I've never even come close to feeling. I think its good to notice this at least, however at this point I don't know if I can overcome it and feel like its a necessary part of adolescent development that I apparently just missed. If you are still in teen years, just follow your heart and that instinctual social need, don't be afraid to put yourself out there. However its different for all people, so don't compare yourself to others, just do whats best for you.

And before you think I'm some sort of cold-hearted person, I am actually very sociable, but its more from instance to instance, person to person, generally liked by people a lot.... I just haven't had that long lasting connection with anyone, and getting more upset about how in the near future I will most likely just be completely alone, when others have succeeded in parts of life that I have clearly not

 

[Corrie]

It's not that I haven't got friends...it's that I really struggle with being sociable. Half the time I just don't have the energy and I know it annoys my friends when we make plans and have to cancel. It does end up feeling quite lonely sometimes, I can go weeks without seeing anybody other than my mom. I guess it's just something you deal with and make the best of...

I have the problem of wanting to hang out but being lazy. xP I'd rather lay in bed all day than get up, get dressed and go outside. lmao. Usually happens during the cold seasons so once it's warmer it's better.

 

[idcjazmin]

this is so weird bc i literally just woke up from a dream where i had no friends and i was so unhappy in life and i didn't know what to do so i asked someone's advice, and i get on here and it's the first thing i see!

anyway, i feel like i don't have very many friends right now either. i'd say i have maybe 3 real friends, two of which i met online, and my boyfriend
my best friend of like 2 years, who is also my roommate, is becoming really toxic and narcissistic and treats me pretty badly and it's hard to deal with. my boyfriend tells me to cut her of, stop being friends with her, etc but it's hard because we live together..
honestly, i really just want to move somewhere else and start a new life. but that's not exactly possible right now lol

as far as like advice.. i don't really know. personally, i just cry about my problems and hope they go away by themselves (that never works)
honestly, i'd say just try to reconnect with your friends and tell them how you feel, and if they don't seem to care or put in any effort, you should try to make new some friends.

 

[ChocoMagii]

Quality over quantity I guess. I don't have a lot of friends as well. :/
I'm also quite independent. So instead of making more friends I just picked up some new hobbies. ^^"

 

[dizzy bone]

It's fine not to have any friends, honestly. It's better to have real friends than friends you get just for the sake of being able to say you have friends.

Friendships are a very natural process, at least in my experience. If you're not willing to talk to them about anything in the world by the first hour, it's not real. All of my friends I could talk to about absolutely anything. I don't have to put on any sort of mask or hold back. I can only imagine how awful it would be to have to pretend to yourself like that.

I agree! I'm fine with not having a lot of friends. I can be social and fulfil my desire to talk to someone but in the end I'm content with being alone. I've lived in 4 different countries so far because of school and work and I've had to make new friends each time and honestly it's so exhausting, especially for not being very social to begin with. I have one best friend who I've known since college and has moved countries with me, lives with me, and works with me. She's exactly the same way as me so we're both kind of loners lol. That's all I really need. Otherwise I feel like I'm trying to hard and it doesn't get me anywhere. I find it hard to keep in touch with people but I'm always open to reconnect online, that's what the internet is so great for (and to distract from the fact that I have no other friends, ha ha).