LGBTQA - Discussion and support.

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What's done is done. They can't take it back and haven't posted since their OP, so why don't we move on? :)

I was working at a wedding yesterday and I couldn't help but notice the emphasis on the definition of marriage being between one man and one woman during the service. It was a little unnerving - especially as I was stood beside the only person in RL that I've admitted I'm pan (well, he thinks bi - but that's close enough) to. :|
 
I don't consider myself straight or gay, we are all people, who are able to find other people attractive, why should it matter if they're the same gender as us? Labelling somebody as straight or gay is stupid, we can all fall for somebody, it's out of our control. Sexuality is a preference, just because you are straight doesn't mean you can't find people of your gender attractive and vice versa. :)
 
dollydaydream said:
I don't consider myself straight or gay, we are all people, who are able to find other people attractive, why should it matter if they're the same gender as us? Labelling somebody as straight or gay is stupid, we can all fall for somebody, it's out of our control. Sexuality is a preference, just because you are straight doesn't mean you can't find people of your gender attractive and vice versa. :)
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Can I just give you a standing ovation right now? You need it.
 
dollydaydream said:
I don't consider myself straight or gay, we are all people, who are able to find other people attractive, why should it matter if they're the same gender as us? Labelling somebody as straight or gay is stupid, we can all fall for somebody, it's out of our control. Sexuality is a preference, just because you are straight doesn't mean you can't find people of your gender attractive and vice versa. :)
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Well said.
Your post just reminded me of a certain quote by Simone de Beauvoir: "In itself, homosexuality is as limiting as heterosexuality: the ideal should be to be capable of loving a woman or a man; either, a human being, without feeling fear, restraint, or obligation."

I agree with your post. But it seems like most people (either straight or gay) are not willing to believe they could actually fall for somebody of the same/opposite sex. It's not wrong to think that way, but sometimes, I wish people could be more open-minded about sexuality and wouldn't limit themselves to labels.
 
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dollydaydream said:
I don't consider myself straight or gay, we are all people, who are able to find other people attractive, why should it matter if they're the same gender as us? Labelling somebody as straight or gay is stupid, we can all fall for somebody, it's out of our control. Sexuality is a preference, just because you are straight doesn't mean you can't find people of your gender attractive and vice versa. :)
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ehh, but on the other hand, loving women is an integral part of my identity. sometimes younger people, and even older people, need to put a name to what they're feeling; that's not shoehorning people into a label, that's just a need to feel... normal, and like you're not alone when the world's against you.

what really upsets me, though, is when I say a guy's attractive and someone pipes up "oh, you're not a lesbian then, you're bi!" no. I do not date men, I do not entertain the idea of dating men, I could probably not date a man at this stage of my life without getting very sad about the lack of ladies in my life, lol. sexuality is a very personal and very identity-based thing.
 
discopolice said:
what really upsets me, though, is when I say a guy's attractive and someone pipes up "oh, you're not a lesbian then, you're bi!" no. I do not date men, I do not entertain the idea of dating men, I could probably not date a man at this stage of my life without getting very sad about the lack of ladies in my life, lol. sexuality is a very personal and very identity-based thing.
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Don't let your friends tease you if their responses will hit a nerve. Just comment that he's 'handsome' & refrain from using popular terms like 'hot', 'goddamn!', etc... :) You know yourself best, disco- hold on to that! ^o^
 
I do not view labels as a negative thing. I like being able to identify myself as asexual, demi-romantic, and in a homo-romantic relationship. Labels can be useful to understanding self, and helping others to understand you.
To say there are no labels, that all people can fall in love with anyone in the same way is just wrong. And I think that denying that labels exist is harmful because it devalues peoples identities by saying that they are not real.
 
oath2order said:
I think some people like to create their own labels to be a special sunflower, as I'll refer to it.
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Lol are you talking about "pomosexuals"; people who disregard sexual orientation labels -- yet have one to identify themselves as? :p
 
how do u guys feel about the allies who think that you owe them something because theyre standing up for you?? ive literally seen allies attack people in the community and say "you dont deserve to have rights" and im like wow.......what a good ally you are....

also its so weird to come out. i mean i dont even know my sexuality anymore but im guess im pan??? my parents assume im straight and that ill get a boyfriend. i mean im up for that but its so weird?? and if i did hint towards me being pan they'll just laugh and hope im not serious and ummm??? im just gonna give up wow. whatever. i dont even think they know pansexuality exists and this is why i hate that everyone is assumed straight until they come out.
 
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I'm usually avoiding talking about my sexuality because I have never felt the need to label myself. I prefer girls but I could be in a relationship with a guy if the someone I liked happened to like me back. Tho I'm taken by the most wonderful girl in the world and I won't let her go just for someone else. Only 3 years have passed but I have a strong feeling she's the one for me.

I absolutely hate when cis/straight allies are expecting that they are owed something for being allies. And when people keep telling that the A in LGBTQA is for allies... I have asexual friends and I keep hearing stories from them and those kind of people piss me off.

Also it happens alot that people think I'm just an ally because I happen to have a girlfriend. There are things I don't feel like sharing in public and it doesn't make me any less of something just because someone else would share it to the whole world. I do feel safe to say that I'm trans on the internet but it's usually for people I will never meet IRL so they most likely won't be able to tell it off to people I know IRL. Gladly I'm passing most of the time so I don't really need to worry about it (only times I'm not passing are if people call me by wrong name, it happens with my mom mostly as she hasn't really really made any kind of progress with trying to call me by my preferred name). Before I was on HRT I had a job where my old name was still in some of the papers but everyone called me by my preferred name and there was only one person who knew about me being trans. But yeah, I don't feel comfortable sharing it in public as I'm afraid that I will be bullied or something. I like being stealth and it feels good as I usually don't need to worry about having someone 'revealing' my past to people I've just met who don't know. Unless I'm having sex with someone, they don't need to know about it.

I've had friends who tell people I've just met that I'm trans WITHOUT my permission and then they have been asking stuff that makes me really uncomfortable (usually VERy personal stuff). I have had avoid couple people like plague at one time because of friend of mine told them. u_u Omg my choppy 4am English is not the best, I'm so sorry.
 
Ty~ said:
I'm usually avoiding talking about my sexuality because I have never felt the need to label myself. I prefer girls but I could be in a relationship with a guy if the someone I liked happened to like me back. Tho I'm taken by the most wonderful girl in the world and I won't let her go just for someone else. Only 3 years have passed but I have a strong feeling she's the one for me.

I absolutely hate when cis/straight allies are expecting that they are owed something for being allies. And when people keep telling that the A in LGBTQA is for allies... I have asexual friends and I keep hearing stories from them and those kind of people piss me off.

Also it happens alot that people think I'm just an ally because I happen to have a girlfriend. There are things I don't feel like sharing in public and it doesn't make me any less of something just because someone else would share it to the whole world. I do feel safe to say that I'm trans on the internet but it's usually for people I will never meet IRL so they most likely won't be able to tell it off to people I know IRL. Gladly I'm passing most of the time so I don't really need to worry about it (only times I'm not passing are if people call me by wrong name, it happens with my mom mostly as she hasn't really really made any kind of progress with trying to call me by my preferred name). Before I was on HRT I had a job where my old name was still in some of the papers but everyone called me by my preferred name and there was only one person who knew about me being trans. But yeah, I don't feel comfortable sharing it in public as I'm afraid that I will be bullied or something. I like being stealth and it feels good as I usually don't need to worry about having someone 'revealing' my past to people I've just met who don't know. Unless I'm having sex with someone, they don't need to know about it.

I've had friends who tell people I've just met that I'm trans WITHOUT my permission and then they have been asking stuff that makes me really uncomfortable (usually VERy personal stuff). I have had avoid couple people like plague at one time because of friend of mine told them. u_u Omg my choppy 4am English is not the best, I'm so sorry.
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yeah??? like...youre an ally!! you dont face the problems. thats great that you support everyone! but you are not the star and you dont deserve brownie points.ive seen allies complain that "but where i live its dangerous to say you support these people! i might get bullied!" but? you can always lie and joke it off. i know LGBTQA can too but its way harder to deny??? like its harder for them because theyre lying about who they really are

i dont mind most allies but there are some allies like these that piss me off. some of their posts are problematic imo and the worst ive seen were allies coming out on national coming out day...um??

and im sorry your friends did that. and also i feel the same way, like i can say im pan online so much easier then telling someone i know in real life. maybe because i feel safer online because ??? idk ?? i mean i feel like people online would shrug it off and respect that where as someone in real life will have no idea and say something bad ??? and like there are so many different backgrounds on the internet.
 
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May said:
I do not view labels as a negative thing. I like being able to identify myself as asexual, demi-romantic, and in a homo-romantic relationship. Labels can be useful to understanding self, and helping others to understand you.
To say there are no labels, that all people can fall in love with anyone in the same way is just wrong. And I think that denying that labels exist is harmful because it devalues peoples identities by saying that they are not real.
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I agree with this point. I'm not a big fan of labels, but I do think they are necessary in helping a lot of people understand 'what' they are and, in being able to (re)search that label online, it helps them in realising that they're not abnormal or alone.




tsundere said:
how do u guys feel about the allies who think that you owe them something because theyre standing up for you?? ive literally seen allies attack people in the community and say "you dont deserve to have rights" and im like wow.......what a good ally you are....
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Ty~ said:
I absolutely hate when cis/straight allies are expecting that they are owed something for being allies. And when people keep telling that the A in LGBTQA is for allies... I have asexual friends and I keep hearing stories from them and those kind of people piss me off.
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I don't really acknowledge the 'A' as allies - I know it's technically there, but I personally don't think it has a place in the alphabet.
 
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I always thought the 'A' stood for 'Asexual', as it should do. I have to admit, it does annoy me when cis/het allies say it stands for them.
 
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