LGBTQA - Discussion and support.

[Dustbunnii]

K, I'm gonna try coming out to my mom in the next few weeks if I can ever get her alone. I'm not sure whether to write her a letter or do it face to face. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Er, my family's pretty religious so it could be really awkward face to face.

It really just depends on how open-minded they are.
One of my friends (who is lesbian and not Christian) has a mother who is Christian, and her mom was very much ok with it when she came out; she's very open-minded and also thinks that hating on people for being gay or another religion is the total opposite of what the Bible wants people to do....
So it really just depends on how open they are to the idea.

As for how to come out to your mom, just do whatever is the most comfortable for you. If you think it could get awkward face-to-face, then I would leave her a note or something like that. That's just me though.
I wish you the best of luck

 

[Juicebox]

Also, you have to remember that it's going to be weird for them too. So if they start asking offensive sounding questions or acting strange and silent around you, don't take offense. If your parents accept you, that's great, but you also may have to accept the fact that they may not know how to accept you just yet. Work with each other and the changes that have been made with the family. In time, they will be used to it and will achieve full tolerance.

 

[Jas0n]

Writing notes is a terrible idea, no matter how awkward or bad you think it'll go, she'll respect you a lot more if you say it to her face.

 

[Juicebox]

Writing notes is a terrible idea, no matter how awkward or bad you think it'll go, she'll respect you a lot more if you say it to her face.

To be fair, I wrote a note and it turned out okay. It's nice if you leave it in the morning, and then go to work/school for a couple of hours so that your parents can have a little bit of time to think it over. If you confront them with it automatically could incite a fight almost instantly, while a note gives them time to calm down about the whole thing. When you get home, then you can have the full discussion, whatever that may be.

Everyone's parents are going to respond different, and every person coming out is different. There isn't one right way to come out, so long as you talk about it at some point.

 

[Garrett x50 cal]

 

[oath2order]

This would probably not be a good way to come out to anyone's parents.

 

[Jas0n]

To be fair, I wrote a note and it turned out okay. It's nice if you leave it in the morning, and then go to work/school for a couple of hours so that your parents can have a little bit of time to think it over. If you confront them with it automatically could incite a fight almost instantly, while a note gives them time to calm down about the whole thing. When you get home, then you can have the full discussion, whatever that may be.

Everyone's parents are going to respond different, and every person coming out is different. There isn't one right way to come out, so long as you talk about it at some point.

Possibly, but I feel that by leaving a note you're showing them that you're not comfortable and confident with who you are.

 

[Juicebox]

Possibly, but I feel that by leaving a note you're showing them that you're not comfortable and confident with who you are.

It depends on the wording. I agree that you shouldn't just leave an "I'M GAY", without any kind of context. But some people speak stronger with written word than they do with spoken word, which was my case. Some people simply communicate better through writing, and you should always go with your strongest medium for something so delicate.

 

[Micah]

Well, my parents are extremely conservative. I wouldn't even dream of telling my dad until I'm out on my own and can support myself. I'm pretty sure my mom already knows (she's asked me about it before), but I don't know how she'd take it. She's a bit more open minded than by dad, but not much. After some crying, I think she might turn out okay with it, but there's always the chance she'll tell my dad even if I ask her not to.

 

[Juicebox]

Well, my parents are extremely conservative. I wouldn't even dream of telling my dad until I'm out on my own and can support myself. I'm pretty sure my mom already knows (she's asked me about it before), but I don't know how she'd take it. She's a bit more open minded than by dad, but not much. After some crying, I think she might turn out okay with it, but there's always the chance she'll tell my dad even if I ask her not to.

If she's aware that your father will kick you out, I'm sure that she'll keep quiet about it. To be safe, remind her that it will take more time for your dad to accept it. I know what it's like to not have a parent take it too well, as my mom didn't at first. You just have to have to let them get used to the idea slowly, which sometimes means telling your parents at different paces.

 

[Garrett x50 cal]

This would probably not be a good way to come out to anyone's parents.

 

[monochrome]

I agree that this is probably not the best way to come out but i totally would have come out this way had i had the chance.

on a completely different note, i believe the same as juicebox in the way that there are several ways to do it and there is no "wrong" or "right" way to do it. one thing i might want to caution people about is not taking TOO long past when your parents begin to suspect to come out. My mother is probably the nosiest person I've ever met so shortly after she began suspecting it she forced it out of me before i was emotionally and mentally ready to accept it myself. its bad that i was unprepared mentally at that time, but she took away the control and organization of the situation that i might have had if i had presented my parents with it myself. So, under no circumstances should you do it until you are ready, but you should be conscious that the alibi of straightness you're going under is also a ticking time bomb.


Honestly, to the board member that thinks telling one parent could get them kicked out fo the house, I'd say you're better off not revealing just yet--at least not until you have a job and a place to live. OR at least know someone who would be confident with housing you long-term, like a partner or best friend. there are services and places that can help people in this situation who are at risk of being homeless because of their sexual orientation but the problem is there is so little supply for them.

id say no matter what wait until you are secure mentally and physically (housing etc) before you go dropping a bomb on people who may be very effective because of their rigid lifestyle.

 

[rachiewease]

Micah if your mum has already asked you then it probably won't come as a massive shock to her. I think face to face is probably better than a note. Its not an easy conversation and I hope it goes ok for you.

 

[oath2order]

Where is that picture from anyways?

And yeah, if she already asked...well...

 

[Garrett x50 cal]

Where is that picture from anyways?

And yeah, if she already asked...well...

One Piece

 

[oath2order]

So, what do ya'll think of this court case? I think DOMA is going to be repealed, though I don't know if they're going to go as far enough to make gay marriage country-wide legal.

 

[Jas0n]

So, what do ya'll think of this court case? I think DOMA is going to be repealed, though I don't know if they're going to go as far enough to make gay marriage country-wide legal.

Can't say I've really been too interested in it. As much as gay marriage should be allowed just for the sake of equality, I don't particularly care for marriage in general. I think the world would be better off if people were fighting for the removal of the marriage system rather than the expansion of it.

 

[Bacon Boy]

I think that if people want separation of church and state, then this should be a nonissue. Marriage is a religious institution. I honestly think it should be allowed, but left up to the people individually. Equality shouldn't be an issue. If they want to get married, it shouldn't have to be made legal. The government shouldn't have any hand in it anyways.

 

[PapaNer]

So, what do ya'll think of this court case? I think DOMA is going to be repealed, though I don't know if they're going to go as far enough to make gay marriage country-wide legal.

I think everything is going to turn in favor of equality of marriage. I mean, I don't know how anyone is seriously claiming that other people in love getting married is going to negatively affect their lives.

I've never had a problem with my sexuality or the sexuality of others. It's plain cruel to concentrate someone (or in this case, a giant group of people) to what they prefer behind closed doors. None of my homosexual friends are just a constant manifestation of sex, they're just people.

If it doesn't happen now, it will soon.

 

[Octavia]

I mean, I don't know how anyone is seriously claiming that other people in love getting married is going to negatively affect their lives.

I've never had a problem with my sexuality or the sexuality of others. It's plain cruel to concentrate someone (or in this case, a giant group of people) to what they prefer behind closed doors.

Unfortunately, ignorance is a thing and so is bad grammar.

Spoiler: hit the books, buddy

I guess they feel entitled in deciding the fate of someone else's happiness.