Relationships: Does appearance matter to you?

[Croconaw]

Being completely honest with yourself, how much does appearance matter to you in relationships? If you have a certain type, how would you describe them?

To some extent, I think appearance matters to everyone. We would be lying to ourselves if we say it doesn’t. It may not be the most important thing to us, but there are certain things we look for in a romantic partner. I’m wondering how important looks are to you, in comparison to other things such as personality. Do you put more importance on personality or appearance?

I think personality is what plays a huge part for me. I believe that some people put way too much importance on someone’s appearance and find themselves in relationships that don’t work out because the personalities just didn’t click. I think that’s why it’s important to become friends first, rather than just jumping into a relationship. Appearance is just a plus for me. I have to vibe with the person I’m with.

 

[sleepydreepy]

I think personality and looks are probably equally important to me. There are some people I see and immediately have a crush on based on their appearance, but other people I develop a crush for after discovering their personality.

For example, there was this one girl I knew who when we met I didn't really think anything of her (appearance-wise), but then once we started talking her personality was very attractive to me, and suddenly she became very attractive to me. But this doesn't always happen, so that's why I'd say looks are equally important to me.

 

[daringred_]

it's complicated for me.

i'm not a pretty girl, really. (although my girlfriend insists i am.) i have crooked teeth due to a misaligned jaw, and it would be hypocritical of me to define someone else's worth based on their physical appearance when i, myself, am arguably unattractive. (not that i'd do it anyway tbh; you should never judge people for things beyond their control.) i also don't really... experience attraction? maybe? i'm not sure. like i said: complicated.

i don't know. i definitely have a type, based on the fictional women i tend to like, and it's powerful (or confident) women who could kill me and are way out of my league. (usually middle-aged but not always.) do i know why? no, but while they almost never look the same physically, they do always have similar personalities/characters/traits to each other which i suppose goes to show that probably matters more to me. of course a pretty face or body never hurts, but i don't think it's the most important thing in a person, and i wish there was less of a focus on it.

 

[jadetine]

As they say, "looks can open doors, but personality can keep them open". I think it makes evolutionary sense to first assess what you see, but then consider the personality after in a potential partner.

And fiction helps play a role in the attributes we find attractive, but there are certainly logical boundaries (i would never want a fae husband who only visited during full moons, leaving me to raise our half-mortal offspring alone).

 

[Midoriya]

I mainly look for personality when it comes to this. If your personality doesn’t go well with mine then forget about it (and considering the type of person I am, that already excludes a lot of people). Looks are a plus but they aren’t required. Thankfully my S/O has both.

 

[-Lumi-]

I think it's important that I personally find my partner attractive and that my partner finds me attractive. It doesn't matter to me if somebody else does or doesn't find my partner attractive. As long as I'm attracted to them and they're attracted to me and our personalities match up we're good to go.

That being said, a persons personality definitely has more barring on things than their looks do. I can't be in a relationship with somebody solely based off of looks. I just can't. I can find somebody attractive at a passing glance but I won't be attracted to them until I get to know them and their personality. It's really important to me that our personalities work well together - we don't need to share all the same interests and hobbies but there has to be some similarities there. And just that general sense of, "yeah, this is my person. I want to be around them,".

I'm not really sure I could be in a relationship solely based off of personality, though. Otherwise I'd want to date all my friends, lol. And I don't. I love my friends in a platonic way and we obviously get along great because we're friends but physical attractions plays into romantic attraction for me. I'm not sure if that makes me sound shallow but it is what it is. When I first met my girlfriend I immediately thought she was attractive and that sparked my attention which is why I wanted to get to know her. It was through getting to know her and figuring out our personalities meshed that I completely fell for her. I find her to be so much more attractive now that I know her, too.

 

[buny]

looks are fun to play around with, i enjoy looking at fashion and makeups and stuff. But it's nothing else other than a toy to me, i don't think appearance has any importance for. It's nice to look at, but that's it. The face of someone i love is much nicer to look at and that face doesn't matter how attractive it is to others, cause for me it's the most attractive ^^

 

[Saylor]

It does matter, I'd wanna be physically attracted to the person I'm in a relationship with, but I'd say personality is definitely more important to me. I find that when I like someone they usually become more attractive to me anyway.

There was this girl I went to high school with who I didn't think anything of even though we sat right next to each other for the whole year, but then she wound up being in one of my classes a couple years ago and I realized how cute I thought she was after she started talking to me. But I never would've thought she was unattractive or anything before then, so sometimes physical and romantic attraction just kinda go hand in hand for me. Also when I see a girl I think is cute I never really do anything about it lol so I don't think I'd try to approach a relationship with someone until after I've already gotten to know them.

 

[Jhine7]

I’d say it’s as simple as this: appearance gets you interested, personality keeps you interested.

 

[Millysaurusrexjr]

Looks and personality are equal for me! I prefer unconventionally attractive dudes tbh

 

[KrazyKarp]

Like everyone else, appearance has some level of importance in a relationship for me. And I've found that as I get to know someone whose personality is attractive, their appearance becomes more attractive, too. But as others have also mentioned, it's certainly not the most important thing in someone.

 

[TheSillyPuppy]

Looks do matter to a certain extent and is fairly subjective. Beyond personality, for me, it's important that my partner and I have similar outlooks on key aspects of life (e.g. whether or not we want children to be a potential consideration in the future, outlook on finances, etc.)

 

[Rika092]

If I say no I’d be lying. Yes of course appearance matters as first impression is super important and it sticks, and I think it’s human nature to be attracted to beautiful to look at. However, like many have said before, ultimately, it’s the personality that determines compatibility and determines how long-lasting the relationship would be

 

[Stella-Io]

For me, personality is a BIG thing. I'm attracted to personality, looks is just a topping on the cake.

Looks are still important in the sense that I don't want the person I'm dating to be a slob. Dirty clothes, un-kept un-managed hair, stuff that can easily be fixed. I don't care about stuff like bad teeth, crooked nose, stuff that can't easily be done with. Also alot of that stuff isn't their fault so why judge? But I do want ther person I'm dating to put effort into how they look, not like they just rolled out of a filthy stinky bed.

 

[.: Meri :.]

I'm on the asexual spectrum, so I don't really find anyone attractive at first glance, and honestly I don't think I've ever been attracted to another actual person—it's all been fictional characters if we're being real here, ahaha. While there are certain physical traits I like on an aesthetic basis (typically skinny, non-muscular, and on the pretty side), just having those traits isn't enough for me to consider someone attractive, and if I'm drawn to someone's personality, then they don't have to fall exactly into those parameters.
I won't go so far as to say that looks don't matter to me at all, but I do think someone would have to fall pretty extremely outside of the traits I like for me to dismiss them solely based off of looks. (Just to clarify, I mean "dismiss the notion of me having a relationship with them", not like... dismiss them as a person/friend in general.) Sharing values and having a personality I'm drawn to romantically is kind of a prerequisite to attraction for me.

 

[LadyDestani]

Honestly, I don't care about looks at all. There are some things related to physical appearance that would be a deal-breaker for me, but they're all hygiene type stuff that people have control over and it relates back to their personality.

I actually had a friend mention to me once that I didn't seem to have a type at all, and that got me thinking about it. All of the people I have dated or been with romantically are extremely varied when it comes to their physical appearance. Even when considering all the people I have felt physically attracted to but haven't been with, there's very little overlap in physical features.

What I realized is that for me physical attraction is heavily linked to a person's personality. There have been people who I've found attractive at first, but then I got to know them and their personality turned me off so much I no longer felt attracted to them. They still looked the same, but just knowing they weren't the kind of person I could click with, killed it for me.

Likewise, I can honestly say that I wasn't physically attracted to most of my partners when I first met them. They weren't bad looking. I just didn't particularly notice their looks. With all of them, we started out as friends first. Then, as we grew closer and I realized there was potentially more than friendship between us, they became increasingly more physically attractive to me.

While I do think physical attraction has a place in a relationship, I think it's important to note that looks will not stay the same forever. We all age and get wrinkles. We gain weight and lose muscle. We lose hair or grow it in places we don't want. When you find the right person to spend the rest of your life with, you can still find them attractive despite the effects of aging because you love them and the person they are on the inside.

 

[Princess Mipha]

Of course, the look always plays a small part, but I've met people that were just not my type at all, but they had the most
beautiful personality and that would've made me look over how they are looking on the outside.
The only thing that is really something I can't stand, is when they are very obviously not take care of themselves. Greasy hair and such, ugh.

Anyways, I hit the jackpot with my Fiancé, looks awesome and has a great personality =)

 

[cornimer]

I'm on the ace spectrum so appearance really isn't much of a factor for me. I fall hard for personality and then only once I have intense romantic feelings will I notice anything physically attractive about them. For example, I fell for a girl in high school who probably wouldn't be considered "conventionally attractive" - and I didn't feel either way about her looks for the first 3 years I knew her - but once I started talking to her regularly and developed feelings, I started thinking she was very beautiful.

 

[LuchaSloth]

I'd love to say looks don't matter at all. But, let's be honest...they still do.

HOWEVER, appearance is definitely a subjective thing. We all know people who have found that one person attractive when most other people don't...and we've probably also all been that person who finds that one person attractive. I know that I definitely lean towards "less conventional" attractions. But...the looks are still important to me. I definitely might end up being attracted to someone who most people aren't attracted to...but, to me...I'm still attracted to that person's appearance. And I think you see that a lot. I think there are plenty of couples out there where you look as an outsider, and you say "huh...one of them is definitely more conventionally attractive than the other". And I don't think that's always because of money or convenience (all these harsh things that people immediately might think), I think some people just genuinely end up being with people who they find attractive when most people don't.

Anyway...personality is definitely the big one. If someone has a great personality, they can always work their way into your heart. Like...I could be with a person who is not conventionally "good looking" if they had a bright personality. But, I could never be with someone who was conventionally attractive, and a garbage person. Being a garbage person immediately makes an attractive person unattractive to me. I've witnessed this countless times...where I've thought "Wow...that girl is really cute" and then she exposes herself to be an absolute trash monster, and I say "Oh..." Hahaha.


Edit: What cornimer said probably does a better job of saying what I was trying to say, without all my rambling. Lol.

 

[Soigne]

appearance does matter to me, and i don't think that's a bad thing. that being said, though, personality also matters. it's a balance.