I just looked up cupioromantic as I’ve never heard of that term being used before. I think it’s a common misconception that aromantic don’t want a relationship although some do fall into that category. They just don’t experience romantic attraction. I like learning about terms that I previously didn’t know about in this thread.
Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity Support Thread
- Thread starter Chris
- Start date
xSuperMario64x
call me Bug 🇨🇦💜🐛
I did some research a while back and learned about the term. at the time I wasn't sure if it applied to me since I'm always holding out hope that I do have some kind of romantic attraction, but tbh I don't want to deny who I am. I've never actually experienced romantic attraction and I've never cared for dating anyone until really recently. after making that post last night I actually feel pretty great abt identifying as cupioromantic so I'm happy about that
yeah there are always sub-categories within larger lgbt+ groups for more specialized things. like how I fall under asexuality but more specifically apothisexuality (which from my experience seems to be a nearly microscopic sub-group). it's good to learn and be informed about sub-groups so that people in those groups feel more understood/accepted.
I’ve been reading up on terms within the aromantic spectrum, and I came across this:
Lithromantic or akoiromantic people feel romantic attraction but don't want to have it returned. The attraction may also go away when someone does have feelings for them.
This kind of speaks to me, because I can be affectionate and feel love for my friends but not want it to grow past a friendship level. I do have a serious question though, not meaning to be disrespectful in any away so my apologies if it comes off as such.
If you identify under an umbrella term or a sub-category (in my case, akoiromantic under the aromantic spectrum) would it be disrespectful to own or use an aromantic flag? I know a few sub-categories have their own respective flag, so I’m not sure if using the original one would be disrespectful.
Lithromantic or akoiromantic people feel romantic attraction but don't want to have it returned. The attraction may also go away when someone does have feelings for them.
This kind of speaks to me, because I can be affectionate and feel love for my friends but not want it to grow past a friendship level. I do have a serious question though, not meaning to be disrespectful in any away so my apologies if it comes off as such.
If you identify under an umbrella term or a sub-category (in my case, akoiromantic under the aromantic spectrum) would it be disrespectful to own or use an aromantic flag? I know a few sub-categories have their own respective flag, so I’m not sure if using the original one would be disrespectful.
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xSuperMario64x
call me Bug 🇨🇦💜🐛
it's absolutely not disrespectful since you're still a part of that umbrella group. people can choose whether they want to identify with the umbrella group or not (like how some non-binary people don't identify as trans even though nb falls under the trans umbrella group, I personally identify as both). it's like how I'm specifically apothisexual but I still identify as ace (I even have an ace flag in my room).
so yes you can still identify as aromantic even if you're specifically lithromantic
nightglow
Little can stop the sun and moon from thier dance.
I want to share an incident that happened basically last year that I still can't get my head around. So I am a straight female that tends to not be super feminine. "Tom boy". So I joined a all women's class mostly of older women than myself last year in the church we have been attending after my husband encouraged me to try it out. I usually don't click well with other females. Any good friends I've ever had who were female were part of the lbgt community. We just did well together. Anywho, the incident that I ran into that puzzles me to this day, is that a few of the ladies there told me, That they were tom boys growing up and "It's ok, I didn't know how to talk to women for a while too. You will eventually." And I am like, huh? I am a woman, you are a woman, What the heck are you trying to say?" You have to "learn" how to talk to women even though you are a woman? Like, wut?
Like, does anyone "get" what is was all about or experienced something similar? Needless to say I haven't really gone back after the class ended. I just didn't see the point as I really didn't have much in common with them. Any interests I have are boring to them and I don't have kids or really like kids... and I am tried of being associated with certain things or expected to do or act just because I have V.
Like, does anyone "get" what is was all about or experienced something similar? Needless to say I haven't really gone back after the class ended. I just didn't see the point as I really didn't have much in common with them. Any interests I have are boring to them and I don't have kids or really like kids... and I am tried of being associated with certain things or expected to do or act just because I have V.
That sounds close-minded. I don’t understand what that girl was trying to say, but it comes off as very condescending. I’m glad you no longer surround yourself with those people. It seems like there are stereotypes you have to follow to be considered a girl, and obviously that’s not true. I have short hair and dress very much like a guy, and I sometimes get called derogatory names when people can’t have adult conversations and they resort to personal insults.
They're simply projecting. They struggled to find common ground with other women when they dressed or acted less traditionally feminine, so they are assuming that you have the same struggle. It's stereotyping.
nightglow
Little can stop the sun and moon from thier dance.
Maybe you are right but I feel at least today's time period is more accepting for females being more free in themselves than 40 years ago. I suppose it can be a complex topic and is worse with religion mixed in from a certain time period they may have been exposed to. I still find it boggling, but that's ok.
I want to thank both of you for replying. As a side note, I definitely feel, the older I get the more ridiculous people can get about gender rolls/gender social constructs. Or maybe it is just people in general pressing it on me more. There are other incidents but I don't feel like getting much into them right now simply because they are upsetting. (its not just from the same place)
I'm not really sure what exactly is going on with me.
The one thing I'm sure about is I'm asexual (actually apothisexual as xSuperMario64x said).
But am I also aromantic? I've gone my whole life having no interest in ever dating someone. Probably partly because of my social anxiety, but also apparently I don't even think humans are attractive?
But I've noticed I feel some sort of romantic attraction towards fictional characters, but only fictional characters. This may be because there is no social interaction with fictional characters.
So I don't know, am I really aromantic or not?
The one thing I'm sure about is I'm asexual (actually apothisexual as xSuperMario64x said).
But am I also aromantic? I've gone my whole life having no interest in ever dating someone. Probably partly because of my social anxiety, but also apparently I don't even think humans are attractive?
But I've noticed I feel some sort of romantic attraction towards fictional characters, but only fictional characters. This may be because there is no social interaction with fictional characters.
If you're wondering, at the moment it is mostly female characters from Splatoon, so perhaps I'm gay in some way.
Have you heard of the term fictoromantic? It appears to align well with a lot of what you have said here. It could be worth reading into.
I officially own some Pride items! I know that for big companies selling pride merch is just marketing and what not but I am so happy. I’ve never owned anything pride related before and I am just over here in tears because @Saylor is the sweetest friend in the world. 
Disney released a Pride collection this year but shipping to Canada is a hassle. They ship from the States so I was nervous about the shipping cost and any extra duties or taxes they might tack on - I’ve never bought anything internationally before. Saylor is an absolute gem and went out of her way to not only buy me a Stitch pin but!! She snuck in the little lesbian pride pin as well. They’re so cute oh my goodness
I wanted to come share it here in this thread because A.) I needed to give Saylor a shout out!!!
B.) This is my first Pride where I’m a little more out there and comfortable with myself but I don’t have a strong LGBT+ community in person at the moment. Covid has definitely put a damper on that so I wanted to come share about it here - the little LGBT+ community on TBT. I hope that’s okay.
Disney released a Pride collection this year but shipping to Canada is a hassle. They ship from the States so I was nervous about the shipping cost and any extra duties or taxes they might tack on - I’ve never bought anything internationally before. Saylor is an absolute gem and went out of her way to not only buy me a Stitch pin but!! She snuck in the little lesbian pride pin as well. They’re so cute oh my goodness
I wanted to come share it here in this thread because A.) I needed to give Saylor a shout out!!!
B.) This is my first Pride where I’m a little more out there and comfortable with myself but I don’t have a strong LGBT+ community in person at the moment. Covid has definitely put a damper on that so I wanted to come share about it here - the little LGBT+ community on TBT. I hope that’s okay.
I know this will be a controversial take, but I think it still fits here.
I genuinely really hate pride.
Like, I just want to be treated and seen as a normal person. And for the most part I am.
But then pride comes along.
Its like a reminder of "hey, don't forget that you're different!"
I get why it exists and I can see why people like it.
But I never feel like an outcast for my sexuality, until society starts trying to remind me about it constantly.
Its kind of like, imagine people started saying how there is nothing wrong with your nose. You might have never even thought there was, but being reassured that something is fine can sometimes just make you feel that it must not be if you need to be told so many times.
And what really annoys me, is when people assume I must really love pride.
To some, being gay must automatically make you a fan of it.
People act like I should celebrate my sexuality but I just don't want to. Its a part of me but only a tiny part of me. It doesn't define me as a person. It's no more a part of me than the fact my hair is black or my eyes are hazel.
Its nothing of note to me. Its just a small part of me.
I'm defined by my thoughts, my actions, my hobbies and interests.
Ironically, pride is the one time of year that I'm not completely comfortable being me.
Sorry for my rant there
I genuinely really hate pride.
Like, I just want to be treated and seen as a normal person. And for the most part I am.
But then pride comes along.
Its like a reminder of "hey, don't forget that you're different!"
I get why it exists and I can see why people like it.
But I never feel like an outcast for my sexuality, until society starts trying to remind me about it constantly.
Its kind of like, imagine people started saying how there is nothing wrong with your nose. You might have never even thought there was, but being reassured that something is fine can sometimes just make you feel that it must not be if you need to be told so many times.
And what really annoys me, is when people assume I must really love pride.
To some, being gay must automatically make you a fan of it.
People act like I should celebrate my sexuality but I just don't want to. Its a part of me but only a tiny part of me. It doesn't define me as a person. It's no more a part of me than the fact my hair is black or my eyes are hazel.
Its nothing of note to me. Its just a small part of me.
I'm defined by my thoughts, my actions, my hobbies and interests.
Ironically, pride is the one time of year that I'm not completely comfortable being me.
Sorry for my rant there
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xSuperMario64x
call me Bug 🇨🇦💜🐛
that's perfectly fine. I'm really happy that you've accepted your sexuality as simply part of your identity and nothing more. but for some of us we are treated terribly for just being who we are.
I need pride because I'm still terrified to come out to my dad (and others) as a non-binary/trans person, and so I can't wholly be myself around him (and most people).
I need pride because I spent my whole childhood believing something was really wrong with me, only to discover near my 20s that I was apothisexual and aromantic.
I need pride because I shouldn't have to justify asexuality to anyone no matter how "difficult" it is for them to grasp.
I also need pride because part of me still believes that no one can ever truly be in a relationship w me because I'm aroace, lest I be a burden on them.
I think it's really awesome that you're comfortable not defining yourself by your LGBT+ status. I'm not being sarcastic either, I genuinely love that there are non-straight/cis people who don't need pride and can get by just fine. I'm personally not one of those people, pride gives me a sense of community and belonging where I otherwise feel like a complete outsider. pride isn't really about picking out people's differences, it's about celebrating people's differences and reminding them that they are awesome/loved regardless of how they identify.
it is unfortunate that people assume that if you're lgbt+ then you automatically participate in pride. I think it would be wonderful if people never assumed anything about anyone, but people will be who they are and that's that.
cornimer
grab acorns 'til you're delirious
I definitely understand this point of view! I personally like Pride because since I know not everyone is accepting of LGBTQ2+ people, I appreciate a month of visibility, celebration and (hopefully) some education. I feel like the more people see something, the more likely they are to accept it.
BUT I've also experienced times when I just wanted to be treated 100% normal and for my sexuality to not be viewed as anything different. I really really hate the concept of "coming out" for this reason - if straight people don't have to come out then nobody else should either, in my opinion.
Also, I have a friend who likes to attribute interests etc. to sexual orientation (she identifies as queer herself so it's not that she's misguided, I think she's just still becoming comfortable with her identity) - for example if I send her a picture of my outfit, she'll be like "omg you're looking so gay today!" I imagine she (and probably others) may feel validated to hear that directed at her, but I always feel like "I'm just trying to dress like ME, not specifically highlight my sexuality, that's not relevant"
(P.S. why is there no gender-neutral shrug emoji on TBT )
The maleiest male to ever male
cornimer
grab acorns 'til you're delirious
What lovely pins!! That was so kind of SaylorI officially own some Pride items! I know that for big companies selling pride merch is just marketing and what not but I am so happy. I’ve never owned anything pride related before and I am just over here in tears because @Saylor is the sweetest friend in the world.
Disney released a Pride collection this year but shipping to Canada is a hassle. They ship from the States so I was nervous about the shipping cost and any extra duties or taxes they might tack on - I’ve never bought anything internationally before. Saylor is an absolute gem and went out of her way to not only buy me a Stitch pin but!! She snuck in the little lesbian pride pin as well. They’re so cute oh my goodness
I wanted to come share it here in this thread because A.) I needed to give Saylor a shout out!!!
B.) This is my first Pride where I’m a little more out there and comfortable with myself but I don’t have a strong LGBT+ community in person at the moment. Covid has definitely put a damper on that so I wanted to come share about it here - the little LGBT+ community on TBT. I hope that’s okay.
I feel you on TBT - I'm only out to a few people irl so I definitely like coming to this thread for a sense of community
It's fantastic that you live in an environment where you can feel normal. We're not all that fortunate. What you have is what the rest of us are trying to achieve and LGBT Pride plays a role in our journey to get there.
You of course don't need to love pride. There are many things I dislike about it as well. I find it's easier to focus on the meaning behind why it exists, such as normalising LGBT identities and equal rights, rather than what is on the surface.
I have always been extremely guarded in what I will and won't say on this topic on TBT. I've been thinking recently that as a community leader, and as the person monitoring this thread, that perhaps it would be better if I speak more openly on it. What better time to do so that during pride month? So I've included a little about myself under the spoiler for whoever is interested.
I've been out as non-cishet IRL for 15+ years. Graysexual and date all genders.
I have not yet encountered a term I feel fits my gender identity. I use non-binary because it's vague while still being universally understood. I have alternated between presenting as stereotypically masculine or feminine several times in the past 15+ years, and also changed my name various times as well (I've not gone by my dead name since 2003). I'm finally legally changing my name to something gender-neutral this month after arguing with my mother about it for ~12 years. Working from home has had people suddenly reverting to using my dead name because it appears in both my work and university email addresses. No matter how I sign my email or how many times I have asked them not to call me by this name they still continue to do so. They will respect my request for a day or two, then they will go back to using the wrong name again. Then I look ignorant in meetings because I don't recognise this name as my own when it's said aloud because I haven't used it in 18 years. For example, when I have a dentist appointment I need to be actively listening to everything that is happening around me in the waiting room otherwise I won't hear it. I'm starting somewhere new this autumn and I want to go into it without having to deal with this nonsense anymore. My best friend of 25yrs (also a TBT member) has kindly said they'll be my witness.
I've been verbally and physically assaulted for being LGBT - the latter occurring as recently as May 8th of this year where two blokes attacked me in the street. One instance last year had no less than eight lads trapping me inside a train station shelter while hammering their fists against the glass and shouting - it was dark and I was alone.
I cut off my devout Catholic grandmother in December 2020 because after years of her publicly disrespecting me I had had enough of her behaviour - my father (her son) not only supported that decision but was also the one to propose it.
I've spent five years campaigning for LGBT rights in the context of student politics and even longer producing media containing LGBT representation. My target audience is typically men because I feel toxic masculinity plays a large role in LGBT intolerance. The majority of the abuse I receive is from men, anyway. Change the world one uneducated fool at a time.
In happier news, I'm getting a pride tattoo tomorrow. I was nervous to ask my tattoo artist about it, but I'm going to be in the studio for a larger piece so asked her a couple of days ago if we would have time to do it while I'm there. Her response? "Of course I can squeeze that in, always time for a pride tattoo! ❤"
I have not yet encountered a term I feel fits my gender identity. I use non-binary because it's vague while still being universally understood. I have alternated between presenting as stereotypically masculine or feminine several times in the past 15+ years, and also changed my name various times as well (I've not gone by my dead name since 2003). I'm finally legally changing my name to something gender-neutral this month after arguing with my mother about it for ~12 years. Working from home has had people suddenly reverting to using my dead name because it appears in both my work and university email addresses. No matter how I sign my email or how many times I have asked them not to call me by this name they still continue to do so. They will respect my request for a day or two, then they will go back to using the wrong name again. Then I look ignorant in meetings because I don't recognise this name as my own when it's said aloud because I haven't used it in 18 years. For example, when I have a dentist appointment I need to be actively listening to everything that is happening around me in the waiting room otherwise I won't hear it. I'm starting somewhere new this autumn and I want to go into it without having to deal with this nonsense anymore. My best friend of 25yrs (also a TBT member) has kindly said they'll be my witness.
I've been verbally and physically assaulted for being LGBT - the latter occurring as recently as May 8th of this year where two blokes attacked me in the street. One instance last year had no less than eight lads trapping me inside a train station shelter while hammering their fists against the glass and shouting - it was dark and I was alone.
I cut off my devout Catholic grandmother in December 2020 because after years of her publicly disrespecting me I had had enough of her behaviour - my father (her son) not only supported that decision but was also the one to propose it.
I've spent five years campaigning for LGBT rights in the context of student politics and even longer producing media containing LGBT representation. My target audience is typically men because I feel toxic masculinity plays a large role in LGBT intolerance. The majority of the abuse I receive is from men, anyway. Change the world one uneducated fool at a time.
In happier news, I'm getting a pride tattoo tomorrow. I was nervous to ask my tattoo artist about it, but I'm going to be in the studio for a larger piece so asked her a couple of days ago if we would have time to do it while I'm there. Her response? "Of course I can squeeze that in, always time for a pride tattoo! ❤"
I’m happy this thread exists. It’s nice reading through some of the replies. I’m glad we have an accepting space. For the past few years, I wasn’t really sure what my orientation was. I just knew it wasn’t straight. I was unaware of the umbrella terms that fall under the sexualities and that sexuality was a spectrum.
I identify as lithromantic which basically means that I feel romantic attraction (in my case, it’s to a high extent) but I don’t want to have it returned. For a long time, I just thought I was weird. I’d get crushes on people and even become affectionate with them. I don’t mean kissing (I’ve never actually been kissed before), but hugging and other touching. I don’t mind being hugged or touched in return. That’s not the issue. It’s when the person shows signs of actually liking me in a romantic way. Whenever the other person would show any signs of reciprocation, I’d freak out or even lose interest. I would show affection, but only want to remain friends or best friends.
I feel that being lithromantic is a struggle because sometimes we are misconceived as rude for showing affection for someone, and not wanting it returned or suddenly losing interest. I had no idea of this sexual orientation but after looking into it, it makes so much sense. I honestly wish that I wasn’t this way, but I’m starting to come to terms with it. I’m okay with showing affection, but it must remain on a friendship level.
I’m happy that I’m finally discovering and coming to terms with who I am. My full orientation is lithromantic-asexual. I’m one of the sex-repulsed aces. I hope everyone is okay this pride month!
I identify as lithromantic which basically means that I feel romantic attraction (in my case, it’s to a high extent) but I don’t want to have it returned. For a long time, I just thought I was weird. I’d get crushes on people and even become affectionate with them. I don’t mean kissing (I’ve never actually been kissed before), but hugging and other touching. I don’t mind being hugged or touched in return. That’s not the issue. It’s when the person shows signs of actually liking me in a romantic way. Whenever the other person would show any signs of reciprocation, I’d freak out or even lose interest. I would show affection, but only want to remain friends or best friends.
I feel that being lithromantic is a struggle because sometimes we are misconceived as rude for showing affection for someone, and not wanting it returned or suddenly losing interest. I had no idea of this sexual orientation but after looking into it, it makes so much sense. I honestly wish that I wasn’t this way, but I’m starting to come to terms with it. I’m okay with showing affection, but it must remain on a friendship level.
I’m happy that I’m finally discovering and coming to terms with who I am. My full orientation is lithromantic-asexual. I’m one of the sex-repulsed aces. I hope everyone is okay this pride month!
Shellzilla_515
F1 fan who loves onions
I'm glad you feel happy in this thread and discovering who you are! I'll admit, I'm still learning the different terms which is one of the reasons why I'm in this thread.I’m happy this thread exists. It’s nice reading through some of the replies. I’m glad we have an accepting space. For the past few years, I wasn’t really sure what my orientation was. I just knew it wasn’t straight. I was unaware of the umbrella terms that fall under the sexualities and that sexuality was a spectrum.
I identify as lithromantic which basically means that I feel romantic attraction (in my case, it’s to a high extent) but I don’t want to have it returned. For a long time, I just thought I was weird. I’d get crushes on people and even become affectionate with them. I don’t mean kissing (I’ve never actually been kissed before), but hugging and other touching. I don’t mind being hugged or touched in return. That’s not the issue. It’s when the person shows signs of actually liking me in a romantic way. Whenever the other person would show any signs of reciprocation, I’d freak out or even lose interest. I would show affection, but only want to remain friends or best friends.
I feel that being lithromantic is a struggle because sometimes we are misconceived as rude for showing affection for someone, and not wanting it returned or suddenly losing interest. I had no idea of this sexual orientation but after looking into it, it makes so much sense. I honestly wish that I wasn’t this way, but I’m starting to come to terms with it. I’m okay with showing affection, but it must remain on a friendship level.
I’m happy that I’m finally discovering and coming to terms with who I am. My full orientation is lithromantic-asexual. I’m one of the sex-repulsed aces. I hope everyone is okay this pride month!
On a side note, I don't get why some people hate others just because of their sexual orientation. It never really sits well with me, especially when my dad always seems to shed negative thoughts about them. My point being is, there's more to the person than how they identify themselves and that we should treat other human beings decently.
