Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity Support Thread
- Thread starter Chris
- Start date
xSuperMario64x
call me Bug 🇨🇦💜🐛
yay I'm glad you got it figured out! (SO to all those who are still questioning, you guys rock too!)I’m happy this thread exists. It’s nice reading through some of the replies. I’m glad we have an accepting space. For the past few years, I wasn’t really sure what my orientation was. I just knew it wasn’t straight. I was unaware of the umbrella terms that fall under the sexualities and that sexuality was a spectrum.
I identify as lithromantic which basically means that I feel romantic attraction (in my case, it’s to a high extent) but I don’t want to have it returned. For a long time, I just thought I was weird. I’d get crushes on people and even become affectionate with them. I don’t mean kissing (I’ve never actually been kissed before), but hugging and other touching. I don’t mind being hugged or touched in return. That’s not the issue. It’s when the person shows signs of actually liking me in a romantic way. Whenever the other person would show any signs of reciprocation, I’d freak out or even lose interest. I would show affection, but only want to remain friends or best friends.
I feel that being lithromantic is a struggle because sometimes we are misconceived as rude for showing affection for someone, and not wanting it returned or suddenly losing interest. I had no idea of this sexual orientation but after looking into it, it makes so much sense. I honestly wish that I wasn’t this way, but I’m starting to come to terms with it. I’m okay with showing affection, but it must remain on a friendship level.
I’m happy that I’m finally discovering and coming to terms with who I am. My full orientation is lithromantic-asexual. I’m one of the sex-repulsed aces. I hope everyone is okay this pride month!
also apothisexual squad unite
So I've been following this thread for a while, but not sure whether to post or not. But something happened recently at work that's pushed me to do so.
We have a Diversity & Inclusion Committee and they sent out a voluntary survey requesting people to answer questions about how they identify so they could use the results to figure out how to make the most impact. The results would all be anonymous, of course, to respect everyone's privacy. The survey covered race, gender, sexuality, disabilities and so on.
I had no trouble answering any of the questions until it came to sexuality. I'm 41 years old, in a heterosexual marriage, have only been in heterosexual relationships, but I didn't feel comfortable marking myself as heterosexual because I have definitely felt attraction to people of other genders. I also didn't feel comfortable marking myself as bi or pan because I have no experience with non-hetero relationships and doubt I ever will at this point so to identify as such feels disingenuous. So I left the question blank.
I've never really thought much about labeling my sexuality. I am attracted to whoever I'm attracted to. I've only been with males mostly because I never initiate anything and only males have approached me. I also think I favor males from a romantic perspective because I am not overly feminine myself and I like being in a relationship with someone who shares similar qualities. So I've generally clicked more with males than females in both friendship and romance based on that, but that certainly doesn't exclude females if they had the traits I was looking for.
Having read through this thread and in particular some of the more recent posts, I've learned that romantic and sexual attraction can be separate. So in that regard, I think I'm equally attracted to other genders sexually, but it has just so happened that based on the people I've met I've been more romantically attracted to males.
I don't know. It's just something that's been on my mind lately due to that survey, but it doesn't keep me up at night. In the end, I'm still the same person. I just felt like I needed to get my thoughts out there and this felt like an appropriate place to do so.
Either way, I do want to state my support for all of you here. You're all wonderful and shouldn't need to explain or validate yourself to anyone. I hope one day we can live in a world like that.
We have a Diversity & Inclusion Committee and they sent out a voluntary survey requesting people to answer questions about how they identify so they could use the results to figure out how to make the most impact. The results would all be anonymous, of course, to respect everyone's privacy. The survey covered race, gender, sexuality, disabilities and so on.
I had no trouble answering any of the questions until it came to sexuality. I'm 41 years old, in a heterosexual marriage, have only been in heterosexual relationships, but I didn't feel comfortable marking myself as heterosexual because I have definitely felt attraction to people of other genders. I also didn't feel comfortable marking myself as bi or pan because I have no experience with non-hetero relationships and doubt I ever will at this point so to identify as such feels disingenuous. So I left the question blank.
I've never really thought much about labeling my sexuality. I am attracted to whoever I'm attracted to. I've only been with males mostly because I never initiate anything and only males have approached me. I also think I favor males from a romantic perspective because I am not overly feminine myself and I like being in a relationship with someone who shares similar qualities. So I've generally clicked more with males than females in both friendship and romance based on that, but that certainly doesn't exclude females if they had the traits I was looking for.
Having read through this thread and in particular some of the more recent posts, I've learned that romantic and sexual attraction can be separate. So in that regard, I think I'm equally attracted to other genders sexually, but it has just so happened that based on the people I've met I've been more romantically attracted to males.
I don't know. It's just something that's been on my mind lately due to that survey, but it doesn't keep me up at night. In the end, I'm still the same person. I just felt like I needed to get my thoughts out there and this felt like an appropriate place to do so.
Either way, I do want to state my support for all of you here. You're all wonderful and shouldn't need to explain or validate yourself to anyone. I hope one day we can live in a world like that.
@LadyDestani however you wish to identify is valid, regardless of whether or not you have the experience to 'back it up' per se. Please don't feel as if it is disingenuous to adopt a label if you feel it fits.
xSuperMario64x
call me Bug 🇨🇦💜🐛
I'm personally really glad that questioning sexuality/romantic attraction/gender identity is becoming more apparent and accepted these days, I know we've still got a ways to go but I like to see that you've given it some thought even if you didn't really get anywhere with it.
one thing I can remark about is that, like you mentioned, sexual and romantic attraction are two different things. so you could possibly be straight but also be bi-romantic. also consider that you don't have to be equally attracted to two different genders to be bi, you could be 95% attracted to men and 5% attracted to women and you would still be bi. I suppose at this point it would be too late to think about it relationship-wise since you're already in a relationship with someone. but making a discovery related to LGBT+ is always great no matter what age you are
I'm getting the feeling that I've helped quite a few people here with what I've posted recently. I'm really happy that I'm making an impact on people's lives. I'm considering joining a local LGBT+ group and maybe I could become a spokesperson/representative for them! I have a lot of passion for this kind of thing so I would probably love it
@Vrisnem @xSuperMario64x
Thank you both! I was really concerned that because of my particular situation I might come across as insincere, insensitive, or even disrespectful in some way. I know many have suffered hardships, harassment, and prejudice due to their sexuality, while I have never faced anything like that due to not really having to make it publicly known that I had these feelings. The only people who know are my husband and a very few close friends and it wasn't so much a 'coming out' to them as it just worked its way into normal conversations.
Thank you both! I was really concerned that because of my particular situation I might come across as insincere, insensitive, or even disrespectful in some way. I know many have suffered hardships, harassment, and prejudice due to their sexuality, while I have never faced anything like that due to not really having to make it publicly known that I had these feelings. The only people who know are my husband and a very few close friends and it wasn't so much a 'coming out' to them as it just worked its way into normal conversations.
Your posts have been very informative. If this is something you want to do and feel passionate about, I think you should go for it!I'm getting the feeling that I've helped quite a few people here with what I've posted recently. I'm really happy that I'm making an impact on people's lives. I'm considering joining a local LGBT+ group and maybe I could become a spokesperson/representative for them! I have a lot of passion for this kind of thing so I would probably love it
I really think you should go for it. You’d be great at it. Even helping one person makes it worthwhile, but you’ll change lots of lives. I find motivational speaking or public speaking very rewarding, especially if it makes you happy. If it’s something you want to do, go for it.
Okay so I've known that I'm pansexual af since my junior year of high school (I know that can be seen as kinda 'late' to realize my sexuality but in my defense, I never gave dating and attraction preference alot of thought).
BUT in recent years, I've been wondering about my gender. I think I'm not exactly cis, and I think I fall under the non-binary umbrella. I thought I was fine with being seen as a girl for the most part, but highly gendered terms like ma'am make me uncomfortable. Whenever someone uses them to me I think 'ew' or 'I don't want to be seen as that' or 'please don't use that for me'. I don't want to be seen as girly as I am now. I would much rather people refer to me with more gender neutral terms or even some guy terms. Like dude and bro are fine for me cause I use them as a 'gender neutral' terms and use them casually. *This does not everyone else sees them that way as some people do see them as having gender to them so you shouldn't just call anyone dude or bro.*
I use they/them pronouns online too to avoid gendered pronouns (thou I know misgendering, whether by accident or on purpose, will happen).
For looks I'm all over the place. I want a more androgynous look, but some days I want to look typically masculine and some days I want to look really femme. The femme one doesn't happen often thou, I more so lean to the androgynous or masc looks. I don't want any surgery to reconstruct anythin either, I'm fine with what I have. I do like to wear a tighter sports bra thou that 'binds' my breasts a little more and makes them look smaller.
I kind of don't care about my gender but I kinda do in terms of appearance and what terms people refer to me as. I feel kinda bad thou cause I fill that stereotype of 'AFAB white who wants to look androgynous' and I don't want to feed into that stereotype cause it can make other people look bad. Not really sure what term fits me (pangender, non-binary, agender terms like that ect...) so atm I haven't been using any term, just gender-somethin.
BUT in recent years, I've been wondering about my gender. I think I'm not exactly cis, and I think I fall under the non-binary umbrella. I thought I was fine with being seen as a girl for the most part, but highly gendered terms like ma'am make me uncomfortable. Whenever someone uses them to me I think 'ew' or 'I don't want to be seen as that' or 'please don't use that for me'. I don't want to be seen as girly as I am now. I would much rather people refer to me with more gender neutral terms or even some guy terms. Like dude and bro are fine for me cause I use them as a 'gender neutral' terms and use them casually. *This does not everyone else sees them that way as some people do see them as having gender to them so you shouldn't just call anyone dude or bro.*
I use they/them pronouns online too to avoid gendered pronouns (thou I know misgendering, whether by accident or on purpose, will happen).
For looks I'm all over the place. I want a more androgynous look, but some days I want to look typically masculine and some days I want to look really femme. The femme one doesn't happen often thou, I more so lean to the androgynous or masc looks. I don't want any surgery to reconstruct anythin either, I'm fine with what I have. I do like to wear a tighter sports bra thou that 'binds' my breasts a little more and makes them look smaller.
I kind of don't care about my gender but I kinda do in terms of appearance and what terms people refer to me as. I feel kinda bad thou cause I fill that stereotype of 'AFAB white who wants to look androgynous' and I don't want to feed into that stereotype cause it can make other people look bad. Not really sure what term fits me (pangender, non-binary, agender terms like that ect...) so atm I haven't been using any term, just gender-somethin.
I can relate to this lack of certainty on terms. I've known since 2003 that I'm not cisgender, and I've gone back on forth and how I present over the years (to the point I've lived approx half my life presenting as male and the other half presenting as female), and yet I still cannot give you a specific label to say exactly what I am. I say non-binary because it's a catch-all non-specific term, and I don't think I'm ever going to have a better word for it than that. And I've come to realise that that's okay. There doesn't need to be an exact word that fits. Or a label that feels like it fits today might not a year from now. You don't have to pick one if it doesn't feel right.
I don't know of the stereotype you're referring to, but I wouldn't recommend holding back from expressing your authentic self for this reason. It's not healthy to hide who you are for other people's sake.
Thanks for responding!
So far I've done small things for the look I want, such as getting my hair cut really short and shaved, a not so femme look. Like, a guy could have my style and it looks a little more androgynous. Also buying guys clothes like t-shirts and belts. I also really like some guys shoes but haven't found a pair that fit me, so I haven't bought any yet. I def do still look throu the section cause dang guys have some nice lookin boots. I have yet to do a full wardrobe change that I'd like, cause money, time, fitting rooms are still closed here, stuff like that.
xSuperMario64x
call me Bug 🇨🇦💜🐛
so my mom basically outed me to my dad and..... yeah it's going just as well as I expected it to 
I'm not really mad that she outed me. I didn't tell her that she could tell my dad but I was already gonna tell him right before I left for my trip so I don't really care. what really bothers me is how he took it.
he's basically treating this like:
1. this is something that they "brainwashed into me at school"
2. this is something that literally just came up and it's like a trend
3. it's abuse
4. it's something that I will deeply regret later in my life
I honestly have no words for this. I underestimated how ****ing ignorant and selfish he can be. if I become suicidal it'll be his fault and no one elses.
I'm not really mad that she outed me. I didn't tell her that she could tell my dad but I was already gonna tell him right before I left for my trip so I don't really care. what really bothers me is how he took it.
removed
he's basically treating this like:
1. this is something that they "brainwashed into me at school"
2. this is something that literally just came up and it's like a trend
3. it's abuse
4. it's something that I will deeply regret later in my life
I honestly have no words for this. I underestimated how ****ing ignorant and selfish he can be. if I become suicidal it'll be his fault and no one elses.
Last edited:
Thank you for posting this, I feel exactly like this(bisexual) and I'm not that loud n proud (internet) person that cares to post it everywhere. It is what I am/like/love and, it's just me nothing I feel the need of placing everywhere. If people want to do so, go ahead but I think some parts of the community needs accept that there are people who are comfortable with things being like you posted. And yeah to clarify, I definitely don't have anything against Pride celebrations and stuff, heck I probably would have partaken if it was better done here.
Post automatically merged:
@xSuperMario64x Good lord ...I just.. read that text and I'm so sorry
I mean the least they could do is educate themselves and also not spill that bs everywhere.
Last edited:
oak
Avatar by sinnerthecat & Signature by rosetti
First reactions aren't always the best, although in this situation I know your dad has been terrible to you in the past. My mom was also upset and said I was going through a phase when I came out to her in 2012 but she's better about it now. She was never as close minded as your dad though so I'm sorry he talks this way to you & your mom.so my mom basically outed me to my dad and..... yeah it's going just as well as I expected it to
I'm not really mad that she outed me. I didn't tell her that she could tell my dad but I was already gonna tell him right before I left for my trip so I don't really care. what really bothers me is how he took it.
he's basically treating this like:
1. this is something that they "brainwashed into me at school"
2. this is something that literally just came up and it's like a trend
3. it's abuse
4. it's something that I will deeply regret later in my life
I honestly have no words for this. I underestimated how ****ing ignorant and selfish he can be. if I become suicidal it'll be his fault and no one elses.
im so sorry. my parents say the same with additions of religion which is why i havent come out to them. i hope your dad drops this and accepts you the way you are. these comments make me so furious and i hate that its happening in your home :C god i am just so mad. i hope this doesnt continue for you. sending you virtual hugsso my mom basically outed me to my dad and..... yeah it's going just as well as I expected it to
I'm not really mad that she outed me. I didn't tell her that she could tell my dad but I was already gonna tell him right before I left for my trip so I don't really care. what really bothers me is how he took it.
he's basically treating this like:
1. this is something that they "brainwashed into me at school"
2. this is something that literally just came up and it's like a trend
3. it's abuse
4. it's something that I will deeply regret later in my life
I honestly have no words for this. I underestimated how ****ing ignorant and selfish he can be. if I become suicidal it'll be his fault and no one elses.
feel free to pm me if you wantthis...like.. i mean i know things are bad with your parents but this is just..even as a first reaction they shouldn't just don't this.. ugh
probably too common but, man just... ughh.i really really hope things will get better soon for you, sending hugs as well
Shellzilla_515
F1 fan who loves onions
Dang... I don't like how your dad reacted to this. Instead of trying to understand you better, he does this and seemingly makes you look like a villain? I already know he doesn't react well to lgbt+ groups, but trying to point blame at you and your mother shouldn't be the way to go. I hope your mother doesn't change her views simply from your dad's text.
Please don't think your sexuality would bring you down. You're more than that and I think you're a kind person. Please hang in there! If you need to talk, let any one of us know! I'm sending you virtual hugs.
xSuperMario64x
call me Bug 🇨🇦💜🐛
thank you, everyone, for your concern. I haven't talked to my dad yet, I told my mom if he wants to talk to me then he needs to approach me first. I'll give an update on what's going on.
so I talked to my mom this morning and she said that it's very likely that my dad wasn't intentionally being transphobic. which honestly, I'm inclined to believe because he doesn't know how to control his emotions and so he just blurts stuff out without any regard to people's feelings. what he said was still very hurtful to me though, and if we're gonna talk he needs to first and foremost apologize for what he said.
after talking with my mom for a while I kinda get where he's coming from. he grew up in eastern Ohio (which, in case you didn't know, is basically hillbilly territory, that's really close to West Virginia and Pennsylvania) and he was never exposed to LGBT+ ideas/people as a kid. he's only personally known one trans person (I and my mom also know them), and they have a lot of issues that has nothing to do with being trans and somehow the association has tainted my dad's view of trans people. not to mention he's a conservative republican and he's one of those people who has allowed biased conservative talk radio and news to absorb into his entire being, and as far as I know extreme conservatives often have nothing good to say about trans people.
but I told my mom that he needs to stop generalizing the trans community. just because one person has transitioned multiple times and claims it to be "child abuse" doesn't mean that I will have the same experience. and yeah I didn't realize I was nb until back in January but it was such a huge relief when I realized that I didn't actually identify as cisgender. basically my whole life from puberty until then had been building up to that moment. my dad needs to understand that I'm actually becoming comfortable with myself now. if he wants to know about my individual non-binary/trans experience then he needs to talk to me about it and not look up some conservative bs he found somewhere on the internet.
I really just need his support, no advice. I hope he realizes that soon enough.
so I talked to my mom this morning and she said that it's very likely that my dad wasn't intentionally being transphobic. which honestly, I'm inclined to believe because he doesn't know how to control his emotions and so he just blurts stuff out without any regard to people's feelings. what he said was still very hurtful to me though, and if we're gonna talk he needs to first and foremost apologize for what he said.
after talking with my mom for a while I kinda get where he's coming from. he grew up in eastern Ohio (which, in case you didn't know, is basically hillbilly territory, that's really close to West Virginia and Pennsylvania) and he was never exposed to LGBT+ ideas/people as a kid. he's only personally known one trans person (I and my mom also know them), and they have a lot of issues that has nothing to do with being trans and somehow the association has tainted my dad's view of trans people. not to mention he's a conservative republican and he's one of those people who has allowed biased conservative talk radio and news to absorb into his entire being, and as far as I know extreme conservatives often have nothing good to say about trans people.
but I told my mom that he needs to stop generalizing the trans community. just because one person has transitioned multiple times and claims it to be "child abuse" doesn't mean that I will have the same experience. and yeah I didn't realize I was nb until back in January but it was such a huge relief when I realized that I didn't actually identify as cisgender. basically my whole life from puberty until then had been building up to that moment. my dad needs to understand that I'm actually becoming comfortable with myself now. if he wants to know about my individual non-binary/trans experience then he needs to talk to me about it and not look up some conservative bs he found somewhere on the internet.
I really just need his support, no advice. I hope he realizes that soon enough.
@xSuperMario64x
I'm so sorry you're going through this with your dad. It's not right for anyone to belittle you for who you are or the choices you make with your own body.
I know I've never been in your exact situation, but I had a very conservative father as well and we had a falling out when I was in high school due to his racism. He never completely changed, but he did mellow over time, especially when I moved away from home because that's when he realized he might truly never see me again.
I will be wishing for the best for you and sending you all my support.
I'm so sorry you're going through this with your dad. It's not right for anyone to belittle you for who you are or the choices you make with your own body.
I know I've never been in your exact situation, but I had a very conservative father as well and we had a falling out when I was in high school due to his racism. He never completely changed, but he did mellow over time, especially when I moved away from home because that's when he realized he might truly never see me again.
I will be wishing for the best for you and sending you all my support.
I've been struggling with my gender identity as of late. I'm sorry if I don't use the correct terms or anything like that, english isn't my first language so if use anything offensive or that has a negative connotation I'm sorry, please correct me.
I'm an amab and I'm gay but I'm a bit lost tbh.
I've always been fine with identifying as a man, and I never really questionned it until quite recently.
I remember how, when I was a kid, I've always wanted to be a girl. But eventually I moved on after being bullied for being too feminine during middle school, and I kinda stopped... well, being me.
Now that I live alone, I've been more able to express my feminity using cheap clothing sites such as Vinted or Shein (don't blame me please I'm poor and clothes are way too expensive). I remember ordering my first pair of heels and my first dress and let me tell you, I've never felt more at ease with my body than after that. It also made me feel really good that the dress had padding, not in a weird way, just seeing my body like this made me feel so happy.
So I know I absolutely love """""feminine""""""" (I hate saying this, it's literally just fabric...) and cute clothes but I would never ever dare go outside like this, at least not in my current mental state.
I've thought about me maybe being trans or nb but I really don't know... I just don't care about gender that much, I just want to be inbetween with no set gender "rules" but I don't feel... legitimate... (?) to be identifying as something other than cis.
I'm sorry if I overshared kgfjldms I just feel safe talking about those things here.
I'm an amab and I'm gay but I'm a bit lost tbh.
I've always been fine with identifying as a man, and I never really questionned it until quite recently.
I remember how, when I was a kid, I've always wanted to be a girl. But eventually I moved on after being bullied for being too feminine during middle school, and I kinda stopped... well, being me.
Now that I live alone, I've been more able to express my feminity using cheap clothing sites such as Vinted or Shein (don't blame me please I'm poor and clothes are way too expensive). I remember ordering my first pair of heels and my first dress and let me tell you, I've never felt more at ease with my body than after that. It also made me feel really good that the dress had padding, not in a weird way, just seeing my body like this made me feel so happy.
So I know I absolutely love """""feminine""""""" (I hate saying this, it's literally just fabric...) and cute clothes but I would never ever dare go outside like this, at least not in my current mental state.
I've thought about me maybe being trans or nb but I really don't know... I just don't care about gender that much, I just want to be inbetween with no set gender "rules" but I don't feel... legitimate... (?) to be identifying as something other than cis.
I'm sorry if I overshared kgfjldms I just feel safe talking about those things here.
Foreverfox
✨🩵Spook-tacular🩵✨
I'm still learning all of the terms too, but it's extremely important to me to support everyone - those who are discovering who they are or those who've known who they are for several years. We all need support. ❤I'm glad you feel happy in this thread and discovering who you are! I'll admit, I'm still learning the different terms which is one of the reasons why I'm in this thread.
On a side note, I don't get why some people hate others just because of their sexual orientation. It never really sits well with me, especially when my dad always seems to shed negative thoughts about them. My point being is, there's more to the person than how they identify themselves and that we should treat other human beings decently.
