Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity Support Thread

[xSuperMario64x]

I have a PSA to share with all my LGBT+ friends and allies:

just because someone is aromantic absolutely does not mean that they're opposed to romance!!

it simply means they do not experience romantic attraction. that's literally it. I keep seeing stereotypes, often perpetuated my aro people themselves, that being aromantic means that one does not feel romantic attraction and thus does not care for romantic relationships at all. which is not only often false, it's a very bad assumption that needs to be stopped.

there are plenty of aros out there who still want a romantic relationship without experiencing romantic attraction. I'm one of those people (cupioromantic). I'm afraid of telling potential partners that I'm aromantic because of the stereotype that all aro people dont want romance, leading them to believe that I'm uninterested. yeah some aros are uninterested but not all of us. it's harmful to generalize a whole community like that, there's a lot if diversity that needs to be celebrated!

(also this applies to asexuality as well!)

 

[Moritz]

I have a PSA to share with all my LGBT+ friends and allies:

just because someone is aromantic absolutely does not mean that they're opposed to romance!!

it simply means they do not experience romantic attraction. that's literally it. I keep seeing stereotypes, often perpetuated my aro people themselves, that being aromantic means that one does not feel romantic attraction and thus does not care for romantic relationships at all. which is not only often false, it's a very bad assumption that needs to be stopped.

there are plenty of aros out there who still want a romantic relationship without experiencing romantic attraction. I'm one of those people (cupioromantic). I'm afraid of telling potential partners that I'm aromantic because of the stereotype that all aro people dont want romance, leading them to believe that I'm uninterested. yeah some aros are uninterested but not all of us. it's harmful to generalize a whole community like that, there's a lot if diversity that needs to be celebrated!

(also this applies to asexuality as well!)

Personally I've never heard of that stereotype before. But I've also never heard of aromantic before either.

I don't mean to tell you what to do or how to feel, but I think the best course of action for potential partners when telling them would also be to explain what it means and how you fit in to it.
That way you've told them exactly how you identity and if they can't trust you on it that's on them and you deserve better. Even if you may be far from happy about it.

 

[Lady Timpani]

This is absolutely true. I first knew I wasn't cishet in 2003 and came out in 2006. The terms I have identified with since then have changed a number of times. Even now I'm not 100% certain.

This really makes me feel a lot better about my own path! I first recognized I was questioning in 2009 or so but then kind of repressed it until 2012, when I started identifying as a lesbian. I feel like I never really gave myself a period of actually trying to figure out if there's an identifier that suits me best, though, which is why I'm currently not trying to rush into anything. As a teen/early 20s I was hung up on looking like a fake or whatever for changing my identifier, but now I really don't care.

 

[cornimer]

^^ Thank you both so much for sharing, it made me feel better to hear about two pretty positive experiences! I finally got the confidence today to message my team in our group chat about it, and omg I got like 10 nice replies within 3 minutes! I'm really lucky to have such great colleagues

WELL in what turned out to be a super eventful pride weekend, I (not really by choice) came out about sexuality to my mom today! Long story short my estranged father is apparently playing Nancy Drew and sent her an email about behaviours he noticed on my instagram (e.g. cutting my hair short) saying "the signs are all pointing somewhere" and asking if I've told her anything. So I told her that while his email is very inappropriate and based on stereotypes, yes, I do happen to like girls.....thankfully she was TOTALLY cool about it and didn't give him any info in her reply to his email.

Long story short, my father is but I'm relieved that my mom took it well and now I don't have to hide as much!

 

[Shellzilla_515]

I'd like to ask here, is there such thing as a correct way to call this community? Because sometimes, I see some people call it 'LGBTQ', 'LGBT+', 'LGBTQS2+', or something in between. I'm not trying to cause a fight here. I'm asking a genuine question, especially since there are a lot of terms I haven't previously known before.

 

[Croconaw]

I refer to the community as LGBT+. The “+” indicates all of the additional terms in the community.

 

[cornimer]

I'd like to ask here, is there such thing as a correct way to call this community? Because sometimes, I see some people call it 'LGBTQ', 'LGBT+', 'LGBTQS2+', or something in between. I'm not trying to cause a fight here. I'm asking a genuine question, especially since there are a lot of terms I haven't previously known before.

LGBTQ2S+ (or 2SLGBTQ+, or other variations) is more commonly used in Canada because the 2S is specific to Indigenous Peoples (correct me if I'm wrong non-Canadians, but I've yet to see an American use it). That's what I use and what we use at work too.

Otherwise, different people will have different preferences/use different variations. In my opinion, as long as you use the "+" I don't think most people will mind which variation, because the "+" represents letters not spelled out.

 

[Envy]

Hi everyone. Has anyone gone to Pride this year?

I was hesitant of the thought, even though I really wanted to go and have never been to the one in my city. Hesitant because of COVID, of course. I am vaccinated and have been for quite some time now, but you can never be too careful, especially when you don't know if your immune system can be trusted. But enough preamble! Literally a few days before Pride I reconnected with an old friend from university. She said she was coming into town and going to Pride and invited me. I couldn't say no in the end. I haven't seen her in a few years, and it was a prime opportunity. (I...um...kinda crushed on her in the past - she's not single, so it's irrelevant now, but still.)

We had lots of fun! A lot of the fun was reconnecting, but still Pride was great!

I finally got me a lesbian flag! I'm looking for a place to hang it up in my room. lol. We actually got really lucky with where we parked and we got to watch the parade from inside the car! The parade was full of churches and corporations, but that's okay. It was just so neat to be surrounded by LGBT people regardless. Like I've never actually had quite this experience before.

 

[Chris]

Just walked ten minutes from the train station to my house. In that time a teenager, walking in a large group, yelled out to me, "Are you in the L, G, B, T, Q, or + box?" (commas because he enunciated these really slowly as if he was reading off a list)

Not even wearing my usual pride pin and my tattoo wasn't visible. I mean I know I visibly fit the profile of what people think an LGBT+ person looks like but still that's just rude.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I'd like to ask here, is there such thing as a correct way to call this community? Because sometimes, I see some people call it 'LGBTQ', 'LGBT+', 'LGBTQS2+', or something in between. I'm not trying to cause a fight here. I'm asking a genuine question, especially since there are a lot of terms I haven't previously known before.

the 2S refers to two-spirit. it's not used often in the US, I usually use lgbt+ personally. i've also seen it spelled as lgbtq+ and lgbtqia+.

 

[Croconaw]

Just walked ten minutes from the train station to my house. In that time a teenager, walking in a large group, yelled out to me, "Are you in the L, G, B, T, Q, or + box?" (commas because he enunciated these really slowly as if he was reading off a list)

He was most likely enunciating the letters in a mocking way. It’s best to ignore people like him. People like that are rude.

 

[Chris]

He was most likely enunciating the letters in a mocking way. It’s best to ignore people like him. People like that are rude.

Oh, yes, I have no doubt he was mocking me! I was just venting that it even happened.

 

[Stella-Io]

I'd like to ask here, is there such thing as a correct way to call this community? Because sometimes, I see some people call it 'LGBTQ', 'LGBT+', 'LGBTQS2+', or something in between. I'm not trying to cause a fight here. I'm asking a genuine question, especially since there are a lot of terms I haven't previously known before.

Going off what cornimer said about the S2 thing, I'm in the United States and I have never seen/heard if it before.

I typically use LGBTQ+, sometimes LGBTQIA+ but people generally know what you mean when you add the +. I'm pan so I fit the +, and I've never really see the P added into the name.

 

[Chris]

Does anyone else who is NB find it difficult when people are... more accepting than you expected?

I've been put on the spot several times recently with people asking very considerate questions - but I'm just not in a place where I want to deal with them. My supervisor raised it today because she's writing me a reference for postgraduate study. When I said I'm not fussy on pronouns she kindly launched into an explanation of how it's okay to be more assertive about this. For the record I've been out to her for a long while, so this isn't new, but it's the first time it's being put in writing for someone outside of our team so she insisted she wanted to create the right impression for me in my potential new environment. I said to please use they/them, not out of preference but because it gives me more flexibility later. Likewise, a few days ago, I saw my best friend for the first time in 15 months and she said her partner (whom I've only met once because they started dating shortly before the pandemic hit) asked her to ask me about my pronouns - and until then she'd never overthought it, but him asking had her questioning it. Last weekend, my mother called me "man" or "boy" a few times in a social situation then corrected herself with something more gender-neutral... and I had to explain, it's okay, I'm comfortable being referred to this way.

Do I sound crazy? Is anyone else as passive as I am on these things? I feel like I'm being forced to declare a preference when I don't have one.

 

[.: Meri :.]

Does anyone else who is NB find it difficult when people are... more accepting than you expected?

I've been put on the spot several times recently with people asking very considerate questions - but I'm just not in a place where I want to deal with them. My supervisor raised it today because she's writing me a reference for postgraduate study. When I said I'm not fussy on pronouns she kindly launched into an explanation of how it's okay to be more assertive about this. For the record I've been out to her for a long while, so this isn't new, but it's the first time it's being put in writing for someone outside of our team so she insisted she wanted to create the right impression for me in my potential new environment. I said to please use they/them, not out of preference but because it gives me more flexibility later. Likewise, a few days ago, I saw my best friend for the first time in 15 months and she said her partner (whom I've only met once because they started dating shortly before the pandemic hit) asked her to ask me about my pronouns - and until then she'd never overthought it, but him asking had her questioning it. Last weekend, my mother called me "man" or "boy" a few times in a social situation then corrected herself with something more gender-neutral... and I had to explain, it's okay, I'm comfortable being referred to this way.

Do I sound crazy? Is anyone else as passive as I am on these things? I feel like I'm being forced to declare a preference when I don't have one.

I understand what you mean; I feel pretty similarly. I've also had people correct themselves after referring to me with gendered terms, and have also had to clarify that I don't actually mind them. Likewise, as long as it's being done so respectfully, I'm pretty laid-back about whatever pronouns people use for me, and it's not in a "I don't want to inconvenience people" kind of way. If anything, I feel weird about situations where I'm asked to specify or narrow it down; it feels kinda like I'm leaving information out, I guess? (As an example, I feel a little odd about how Pinterest has implemented pronouns—limited to two sets from a drop-down list of several options, with no option for "any" or "indifferent". I get that it's probably limited to try to prevent people from being jerks, but I'm not quite sure what to do with it.)

 

[Chris]

I understand what you mean; I feel pretty similarly. I've also had people correct themselves after referring to me with gendered terms, and have also had to clarify that I don't actually mind them. Likewise, as long as it's being done so respectfully, I'm pretty laid-back about whatever pronouns people use for me, and it's not in a "I don't want to inconvenience people" kind of way. If anything, I feel weird about situations where I'm asked to specify or narrow it down; it feels kinda like I'm leaving information out, I guess? (As an example, I feel a little odd about how Pinterest has implemented pronouns—limited to two sets from a drop-down list of several options, with no option for "any" or "indifferent". I get that it's probably limited to try to prevent people from being jerks, but I'm not quite sure what to do with it.)

This is it exactly. I generally don't mind what people use as long as they're not purposely disrespecting me. I find that having to specify is more for the other person's comfort than my own. It's the same reason I list pronouns in my signature on here: to make others feel more confident about approaching or referring to me.

I legally changed my name last week. I had been wanting to do so since I stopped going by my birth name in the mid-2000s. After trialling various masculine and feminine names in the past ~15 years I finally settled on something neutral (Christian). This is what has led to people suddenly asking questions. Given I've been out for a long time, it makes me wonder if people have been tiptoeing around this for years and only just now seen an opportunity to directly ask. Or my cynical mind thinks people are only respecting my identity now that it's on a certificate. I'm trying to find a new job and get into postgrad study, so based on these reactions I'm now feeling like I have to make a more specific decision on pronouns ahead of the interview process even though I'd really rather not. I dread the thought that an interviewer might be put off because they feel uncertain when interacting with me.

 

[cornimer]

This is it exactly. I generally don't mind what people use as long as they're not purposely disrespecting me. I find that having to specify is more for the other person's comfort than my own. It's the same reason I list pronouns in my signature on here: to make others feel more confident about approaching or referring to me.

I legally changed my name last week. I had been wanting to do so since I stopped going by my birth name in the mid-2000s. After trialling various masculine and feminine names in the past ~15 years I finally settled on something neutral (Christian). This is what has led to people suddenly asking questions. Given I've been out for a long time, it makes me wonder if people have been tiptoeing around this for years and only just now seen an opportunity to directly ask. Or my cynical mind thinks people are only respecting my identity now that it's on a certificate. I'm trying to find a new job and get into postgrad study, so based on these reactions I'm now feeling like I have to make a more specific decision on pronouns ahead of the interview process even though I'd really rather not. I dread the thought that an interviewer might be put off because they feel uncertain when interacting with me.

It sucks that you have to decide on pronouns for other people's comfort. But I wanted to say congrats on changing your name legally!! I know how freeing/relieving/affirming it must feel, especially after such a long time.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

Does anyone else who is NB find it difficult when people are... more accepting than you expected?

I've been put on the spot several times recently with people asking very considerate questions - but I'm just not in a place where I want to deal with them. My supervisor raised it today because she's writing me a reference for postgraduate study. When I said I'm not fussy on pronouns she kindly launched into an explanation of how it's okay to be more assertive about this. For the record I've been out to her for a long while, so this isn't new, but it's the first time it's being put in writing for someone outside of our team so she insisted she wanted to create the right impression for me in my potential new environment. I said to please use they/them, not out of preference but because it gives me more flexibility later. Likewise, a few days ago, I saw my best friend for the first time in 15 months and she said her partner (whom I've only met once because they started dating shortly before the pandemic hit) asked her to ask me about my pronouns - and until then she'd never overthought it, but him asking had her questioning it. Last weekend, my mother called me "man" or "boy" a few times in a social situation then corrected herself with something more gender-neutral... and I had to explain, it's okay, I'm comfortable being referred to this way.

Do I sound crazy? Is anyone else as passive as I am on these things? I feel like I'm being forced to declare a preference when I don't have one.

I get this a lot, I tell everyone that they can use they/them as well as he/him and as of late they've stuck with using he/him (even though that's partly for flexibility sake, I prefer they over he). I think it's because people are so used to referring to people by one set of pronouns, they're not really comfortable being given an option. I've also had multiple people give me the excuse that they/them is not singular and make a big deal out of it.

personally I often just say "whatever" and brush it off cause they make a bigger hassle out of it than it's worth, though that won't stop me from continuing to challenge their comfort.

 

[Croconaw]

My pronouns are she/her, but I do dress very masculine. I often get mistaken as a young boy. I can’t be bothered to correct people, so I’ll just go along with it, especially if I’m never going to see said person again. I don’t think people mean to misgender, unless of course they do it in a demeaning way. I don’t want to assume someone is using the wrong pronouns on purpose. I feel comfortable using she/her pronouns even though I only have men’s articles of clothing and use men’s products. I also have a guy’s haircut and I wear hats most of the time.

I think a lot of emphasis is put on gender roles. I’ll say identify as you want to identify, and dress how you want to dress. Clothing or interests should never be gender specific. This isn’t 1960.

 

[moo_nieu]

tired of hearing people (mostly family) complain about gender neutral terms. why does the gender binary need to be protected so much d: maybe one day when family doesnt openly mock this, i will come out to them. im tired of keeping it secret though. its super lame and not fair that i should have to pretend to be someone im not. im not sure the freedom will be worth the negative comments though.. also i think its dumb that wanting to go by they/them is considered an annoyance/inconvenience at all :c