Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity Support Thread

[Croconaw]

also i think its dumb that wanting to go by they/them is considered an annoyance/inconvenience at all :c

If someone thinks going by they/them is an inconvenience, someone simply doesn’t want to understand. I think close-minded people aren’t open to understanding beliefs that are different from their own. To any person with the least bit respect, I don’t think using someone’s desired pronouns would be a problem. It’s not an inconvenience to use a certain set of words to make someone feel comfortable.

 

[Corrie]

tired of hearing people (mostly family) complain about gender neutral terms. why does the gender binary need to be protected so much d: maybe one day when family doesnt openly mock this, i will come out to them. im tired of keeping it secret though. its super lame and not fair that i should have to pretend to be someone im not. im not sure the freedom will be worth the negative comments though.. also i think its dumb that wanting to go by they/them is considered an annoyance/inconvenience at all :c

In my opinion, those that care will use they/them and won't think it as an annoyance. For example, a friend of mine had recently told me to start referring to them as they/them and I did. It took a bit to get used to since I was so used to referring to them as she/her but everytime I caught myself, I'd fix it and now, I don't even blink an eye. It's not hard to do if you respect/care about that person.

 

[AgentBlade]

I just had a very bad gender dysphoria attack and i can’t do anything because of my transphobic homophobic parents I don’t know what to do if you have any advice please share.

 

[Antonio]

To be honest, I don't feel like I have a gender identify. I feel basically indifferent to any pronouns because I don't feel like I belong under he/him, she/her, or they/them. I feel like there isn't any sort of pronouns that describe my gender identify because I don't feel like I have a gender identify that describes me. I'm just me, ya know.

I don't know how to describe it, is there a term for this? I feel like this falls under non-binary but I don't feel like I fall under they/them pronouns anymore.

 

[Firesquids]

To be honest, I don't feel like I have a gender identify. I feel basically indifferent to any pronouns because I don't feel like I belong under he/him, she/her, or they/them. I feel like there isn't any sort of pronouns that describe my gender identify because I don't feel like I have a gender identify that describes me. I'm just me, ya know.

I don't know how to describe it, is there a term for this? I feel like this falls under non-binary but I don't feel like I fall under they/them pronouns anymore.

I can relate to this in that I'm "bi" but I could be with a gender neutral person too so "bi"sexual doesn't really describe how I feel, it's like a misnomer.

 

[Antonio]

I can relate to this in that I'm "bi" but I could be with a gender neutral person too so "bi"sexual doesn't really describe how I feel, it's like a misnomer.

I feel ya on that like I'm not attractive to a particular gender but a personal attribute, like masculinity.

 

[Foreverfox]

Does anyone else who is NB find it difficult when people are... more accepting than you expected?

I've been put on the spot several times recently with people asking very considerate questions - but I'm just not in a place where I want to deal with them. My supervisor raised it today because she's writing me a reference for postgraduate study. When I said I'm not fussy on pronouns she kindly launched into an explanation of how it's okay to be more assertive about this. For the record I've been out to her for a long while, so this isn't new, but it's the first time it's being put in writing for someone outside of our team so she insisted she wanted to create the right impression for me in my potential new environment. I said to please use they/them, not out of preference but because it gives me more flexibility later. Likewise, a few days ago, I saw my best friend for the first time in 15 months and she said her partner (whom I've only met once because they started dating shortly before the pandemic hit) asked her to ask me about my pronouns - and until then she'd never overthought it, but him asking had her questioning it. Last weekend, my mother called me "man" or "boy" a few times in a social situation then corrected herself with something more gender-neutral... and I had to explain, it's okay, I'm comfortable being referred to this way.

Do I sound crazy? Is anyone else as passive as I am on these things? I feel like I'm being forced to declare a preference when I don't have one.

I know I'm a little late on the reply (for some reason I'm always days behind on a couple threads), but I don't think you sound crazy. My guess is that the people you're encountering who are being extra cautious are just overly sensitive to making sure they don't offend anyone by not asking about pronouns. They would probably rather ask and be told what you're comfortable with than assume, and assume incorrectly. It probably hasn't occurred to them that asking is potentially uncomfortable. Or, they might be going off of their preference - for example, "I like when people ask what my pronouns are, so everyone else probably does too." - that type of thing.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

To be honest, I don't feel like I have a gender identify. I feel basically indifferent to any pronouns because I don't feel like I belong under he/him, she/her, or they/them. I feel like there isn't any sort of pronouns that describe my gender identify because I don't feel like I have a gender identify that describes me. I'm just me, ya know.

I don't know how to describe it, is there a term for this? I feel like this falls under non-binary but I don't feel like I fall under they/them pronouns anymore.

i believe that's called agender (aka lack of gender identity)

Post automatically merged: Jul 13, 2021

I can relate to this in that I'm "bi" but I could be with a gender neutral person too so "bi"sexual doesn't really describe how I feel, it's like a misnomer.

and that sounds like omnisexuality, I don't know a whole lot abt it but it usually refers to having an attraction to 3 or more genders but not all (so not quite pansexuality).

(yes I learned a ton abt gender/sexuality identities during pride month)

Post automatically merged: Jul 13, 2021

of course I'm not trying to force a label onto anyone, sometimes having no label and just being yourself is perfectly fine!! but also don't let yourself be fooled by people who say that having said labels is a bad thing.

 

[cornimer]

To be honest, I don't feel like I have a gender identify. I feel basically indifferent to any pronouns because I don't feel like I belong under he/him, she/her, or they/them. I feel like there isn't any sort of pronouns that describe my gender identify because I don't feel like I have a gender identify that describes me. I'm just me, ya know.

I don't know how to describe it, is there a term for this? I feel like this falls under non-binary but I don't feel like I fall under they/them pronouns anymore.

I feel the same way as you described, and I identify as agender I'm just a person, I don't see why I have to have gender be a part of my identity at all! Here's a resource that really helped me put the words on what I was feeling: https://gender.wikia.org/wiki/Agender

 

[Antonio]

Agender does perfectly describe how I'm feeling, I can finally put it to words, thank you.

 

[tessa grace]

nvm, i think i'm straight. still supporting my friends community though

 

[.: Meri :.]

I thought I would post this because I have been questioning my romantic orientation for a while now, and I need some help understanding.
I feel that I might identify as Uranic/Nofemromantic. However, I've heard online that this is offensive towards people who are non-binary or fall under the agender spectrum. I don't have the intention of offending anyone, but I feel like I am attracted to people who aren't female or fall under that feminine category. And I've also heard that the term Uranic is usually used by enby people, and I'm female. Do I just identify as straight? It's such a small change, and I really don't want to offend people- It feels good to finally find something that works with me, but now I'm so confused because I don't want to offend others. I also hate labels. Personally, I don't want to feel tied to one sexuality. I hid my feelings and finally found out that Uranic exists, and I think thats what I am. I finally feel open about who I am, but I'm not sure if the term works- any advice??

Hi! I did some research into the terms and in short, I think you're fine. While it seems like uranic is more often used by nonbinary people, it wasn't meant to be an exclusive term and anyone can use it. I definitely understand about not wanting to use terms that would hurt anybody, as I've had similar concerns in the past myself, but I wouldn't worry about it with these. I'm nonbinary and I don't see anything wrong with uranic/nofem, and the complaints I did see about them seemed to be based on a misunderstanding of their definition. I'm not sure if this was the same thing you saw, but I saw something that seemed to assume the terms were based on assigned gender at birth rather than gender identity, which doesn't seem the case to me at all. In any case, there doesn't seem to be any widespread controversy over them, and we can't control the genders we're attracted to, or aren't. I'd say if it works for you and either term makes you happy, go ahead and use it.

With that said, since you also said you hated labels, don't feel like you have to use either term just because they're a technical fit. You can use broader umbrella terms if you feel like, or choose not to label yourself at all. There's also a lot of people who consider themselves mostly straight and are happy just going with that, but don't hold yourself back if other identities/not labelling yourself at all speaks to you more. I called myself straight and cisgender for a good while because I was afraid of "overstepping", and uh... that wound up being incorrect in just about every way possible, ahaha.

 

[tessa grace]

Hi! I did some research into the terms and in short, I think you're fine. While it seems like uranic is more often used by nonbinary people, it wasn't meant to be an exclusive term and anyone can use it. I definitely understand about not wanting to use terms that would hurt anybody, as I've had similar concerns in the past myself, but I wouldn't worry about it with these. I'm nonbinary and I don't see anything wrong with uranic/nofem, and the complaints I did see about them seemed to be based on a misunderstanding of their definition. I'm not sure if this was the same thing you saw, but I saw something that seemed to assume the terms were based on assigned gender at birth rather than gender identity, which doesn't seem the case to me at all. In any case, there doesn't seem to be any widespread controversy over them, and we can't control the genders we're attracted to, or aren't. I'd say if it works for you and either term makes you happy, go ahead and use it.

With that said, since you also said you hated labels, don't feel like you have to use either term just because they're a technical fit. You can use broader umbrella terms if you feel like, or choose not to label yourself at all. There's also a lot of people who consider themselves mostly straight and are happy just going with that, but don't hold yourself back if other identities/not labelling yourself at all speaks to you more. I called myself straight and cisgender for a good while because I was afraid of "overstepping", and uh... that wound up being incorrect in just about every way possible, ahaha.

thank you! i feel so validated. hopefully soon i can find out where i fit, this makes me feel so much better though

 

[maria110]

I bought a "no more hate" t-shirt.

 

[Croconaw]

It’s been a minute since I’ve last posted in this thread. I’ve been identifying as lithromantic because that term resonates with me. I’m not ready to openly talk about it with anyone in my real life because I haven’t gotten the best reactions. Lithromantic basically means you feel romantic attraction towards others and also enjoy being in romantic relationships but only in theory. When the feelings are reciprocated, I simply ignore it or run away because I don’t desire the returned affection.

I’ve been told that maybe it’s due to commitment issues or the inability to love yourself, and it’s not a romantic orientation. After discovering this term, I can’t say I’ve resonated with a term more than this one. I honestly think that this is who I truly am. It’s just a struggle because I do feel affection strongly, but when those feelings become the least bit reciprocated, I’m over it. I honestly don’t know if it’s because I’m scared of messing things up, or if it’s my romantic orientation and I’m using the term to justify my being scared? I hope that makes sense. I’d hate for that to be the case though, because I don’t want to use actual identities people have just to cover up insecurities. That wouldn’t be my intention at all. I’m not trying to rush into any identifiers either, and I’m not even looking for a relationship at the moment because I’m focusing on myself. The only thing I do know for sure is I’m a sex-repulsed asexual. Thank you in advance if anyone has words of wisdom or advice!

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I’ve been told that maybe it’s due to commitment issues or the inability to love yourself, and it’s not a romantic orientation. After discovering this term, I can’t say I’ve resonated with a term more than this one. I honestly think that this is who I truly am. It’s just a struggle because I do feel affection strongly, but when those feelings become the least bit reciprocated, I’m over it. I honestly don’t know if it’s because I’m scared of messing things up, or if it’s my romantic orientation and I’m using the term to justify my being scared? I hope that makes sense. I’d hate for that to be the case though, because I don’t want to use actual identities people have just to cover up insecurities. That wouldn’t be my intention at all. I’m not trying to rush into any identifiers either, and I’m not even looking for a relationship at the moment because I’m focusing on myself. The only thing I do know for sure is I’m a sex-repulsed asexual. Thank you in advance if anyone has words of wisdom or advice!

anyone who tries to tell you that your romantic orientation doesn't actually exist is just trying to invalidate you. like when I told my uncle I was ace the first time and he could not wrap his mind around it at all, like he just could not understand how someone who is ace doesn't feel sexual attraction (he prob would've had a heart attack if I told him I was apothisexual lmao). but that doesn't make me any less ace, and likewise people saying you can't be lithromantic and/or that's it's just an excuse to validate your "fear" are just being ignorant. if you are happy identifying as lithromantic then absolutely embrace it!

 

[Lady Timpani]

This is so dumb but I'm gonna post it anyway... how have you guys been able to meet fellow LGBT folks once you left school? When I was in high school I did marching band which is pretty much where I met all my gay friends, but in college I was too shy/ashamed of my sexuality to go to the on-campus LGBT group, and aside from some very visibly LGBT people in my classes I never really met any. One of my coworkers recently came out to me and even though I haven't explicitly told them I'm gay myself I've confirmed their suspicions, and I'd forgotten how nice it is to just openly exist around other LGBT people.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

This is so dumb but I'm gonna post it anyway... how have you guys been able to meet fellow LGBT folks once you left school? When I was in high school I did marching band which is pretty much where I met all my gay friends, but in college I was too shy/ashamed of my sexuality to go to the on-campus LGBT group, and aside from some very visibly LGBT people in my classes I never really met any. One of my coworkers recently came out to me and even though I haven't explicitly told them I'm gay myself I've confirmed their suspicions, and I'd forgotten how nice it is to just openly exist around other LGBT people.

the only time I've really gotten to meet other lgbt+ people is chatting on this forum lol. I'm not very open about my asexuality (cause it's a lack of attraction so like what is there to embrace identity wise lol) and I just came out publicly as nb back in June so im somewhat new on the scene i guess. i have a few lgbt+ friends but I didn't meet them bc they were lgbt+, one of them I actually met by being assigned a dorm room w them.

other than that my only lgbt+ friends are my uncles in Alabama and you guys, kinda afraid to put myself out there bc rampant transphobia and a complete misunderstanding/disbelief of asexuality are things that exist

 

[Chris]

This is so dumb but I'm gonna post it anyway... how have you guys been able to meet fellow LGBT folks once you left school? When I was in high school I did marching band which is pretty much where I met all my gay friends, but in college I was too shy/ashamed of my sexuality to go to the on-campus LGBT group, and aside from some very visibly LGBT people in my classes I never really met any. One of my coworkers recently came out to me and even though I haven't explicitly told them I'm gay myself I've confirmed their suspicions, and I'd forgotten how nice it is to just openly exist around other LGBT people.

Through hobbies and indulging in the nightlife, for the most part! Pre-COVID I went to a lot of gigs, drag shows, LGBT nights, pride events, etc. I also run an LGBT writers group and have met a number of openly LGBT people working in my field.

 

[Croconaw]

This is so dumb but I'm gonna post it anyway... how have you guys been able to meet fellow LGBT folks once you left school? When I was in high school I did marching band which is pretty much where I met all my gay friends, but in college I was too shy/ashamed of my sexuality to go to the on-campus LGBT group, and aside from some very visibly LGBT people in my classes I never really met any. One of my coworkers recently came out to me and even though I haven't explicitly told them I'm gay myself I've confirmed their suspicions, and I'd forgotten how nice it is to just openly exist around other LGBT people.

This probably isn’t the most helpful answer, but I’ve met LGBT just by being out there. I frequently travel and I see a lot of people that are openly and/or visibly LGBT. I’ve met coworkers who are LGBT as well. I think it’s a matter of putting yourself out there and not necessarily go looking for other LGBT people. Although, I completely understand that it’s easy to coexist with those in the community.