Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity Support Thread

[Tude]

I had no idea some gender fluid people fluctuate that often! Today I learned.

 

[Suguri]

Guys help, I think I'm having an orientation crisis. T_T

I've identified as omni for the past few weeks but to be honest Neb's post is giving me second thoughts, since at most I've noticed I'm attracted to guys and (more recently) non-binary people. I don't think I'm straight, though. Or am I? I always thought it was for if you're attracted to the opposite binary gender. But then when you're omnisexual, you're attracted to all genders (binary, non-binary, etc.) with a preference for certain others, so...

???

I don't know, man. I'm a teenager so I still have a lot to discover about myself. I don't even know if "omnisexual" is the right term for me or if there is a single word that can describe who I'm attracted to.

Any help would be appreciated, because I'm starting to go bananas thinking about it.

 

[.: Meri :.]

Guys help, I think I'm having an orientation crisis. T_T

I've identified as omni for the past few weeks but to be honest Neb's post is giving me second thoughts, since at most I've noticed I'm attracted to guys and (more recently) non-binary people. I don't think I'm straight, though. Or am I? I always thought it was for if you're attracted to the opposite binary gender. But then when you're omnisexual, you're attracted to all genders (binary, non-binary, etc.) with a preference for certain others, so...

???

I don't know, man. I'm a teenager so I still have a lot to discover about myself. I don't even know if "omnisexual" is the right term for me or if there is a single word that can describe who I'm attracted to.

Any help would be appreciated, because I'm starting to go bananas thinking about it.

Personally, I'd generally consider straightness to be "a binary person solely attracted to the other binary gender". It sounds to me like you're much more comfortable describing yourself as omni, and you have every right to continue to do! c:
Some nonbinary people use straight/gay labels and don't mind their partners doing the same, but if that doesn't feel right to you and your partner, you're under zero obligation to use either.

 

[ribbitribbon]

Spoiler: bit of a vent

i thought i had myself figured out but idk anymore… i thought i was bigender then i thought i was genderfluid; i thought i was pan but idk now if i’m omni. i like being called a boy and i like being called a girl, but sometimes i feel more like one than the other. especially since i have a gf now i feel like a girl, but then when people only use feminine terms for me i get upset thinking “i’m a he too!” my partner is super good with using both but it has me wondering which one is it… i mean sometimes i wouldn’t even mind being nonbinary? then there’s the fact i seem to be more physically attracted to girls which seems more omni than pan, but all in all i find it doesn’t really matter to me what someone is… aaaaa idk man

 

[seliph]

just so you guys know straight people can absolutely be attracted to nonbinary people, especially if said nonbinary person presents themselves a certain way

for example if a straight man is attracted to women + feminine nonbinary people he is still a straight man

 

[xSuperMario64x]

deleted. just please don't invalidate people and tell them that gender shouldn't even be a thing as a way to basically say you don't want to suppose them.

 

[Tude]

I'm sorry your mom is so insensitive to your struggles. I hope you have someone else you can confide in because she's obviously not the support she claims to be.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

wish more people understood that gender identity and gender presentation are two very different things.

I am trans-masc, I use he/him pronouns. I also pretty much only ever dress and present myself androgynously, save for occasions where I look more feminine. I hardly ever actually dress/look masculine. but me wearing dangly earrings and tight colourful shirts and lipstick does not mean that I'm not a guy. and just because I don't dress like guys "should" dress does not mean that I'm not a guy.

you wouldn't believe how often my mum tells me to wear something, and when I decline her she says, "But I thought you wanted to be a guy?" need to briefly say that I don't want to be a guy, I am a guy lol. but clothes should never, ever be indicative of gender. they can be used to give someone more pride in their identity, but they shouldn't tell you from the get-go that that's the wearer's gender.

that's just my opinion though.

 

[Croconaw]

wish more people understood that gender identity and gender presentation are two very different things.

Honestly, yeah.

I'm positive I'm non-binary. Most non-LGBT people only see two genders, so on a daily basis, I'm perceived as either man or woman. Neither feel correct, but if I'm being honest, I feel more comfortable with the latter pronoun if they're used in combination with my chosen name, which happens to be unisex.

I'm going by my chosen name at my job, and people are using she/her pronouns, and tbh I'm alright with it. I still strongly prefer they/them pronouns, but I think the main thing that wasn't suiting me was my deadname. In turn, everyone using my deadname with she/her pronouns felt like they were invalidating my identity. On the other hand, someone using she/her (or better yet, they/them) with my chosen name lets me know they respect me and aren't just seeing me as the gender I was assigned at birth.

No product should have gender assigned to it at all, but that's another thing.

 

[kakapo]

Hey guys, I'm a queer older teen and came out to my very accepting parents a while ago I think when I was 14? I consider myself to have come out at a very young age and haven't really changed my mind on anything.

Either way, I recently noticed that my younger sister (who is 11) right now has a lesbian flag as her lockscreen on her iphone. Obviously, my whole family is accepting of her and she hasn't really said anything about it so I'm not going to really bring it up. And I'm really really trying not to sound bigoted, but is there an age too young for kids to identify with a sexuality? In my mind, she hasn't even gone through puberty yet and always goes through different stages based on what her friends decide is cool. And based on what I do, I know that she looks up to me. Like she has tried around 6 different sports and quit them all. Always changes what games, music artists, food, etc she likes weekly. My parents have spent so much time and effort to get her into a hobby and she always ends up quitting it. Guitar, piano, ballet, softball, archery, etc. I also noticed that since getting her phone she's been watching a lot of youtube and content online and I'm wondering if I should be concerned at all. I know it's normal to go through stages, but should I try to talk to her about sexuality? Obviously I'll accept her if she ends up sticking with her identity or not. Is this a flawed mindset I have when I assume she's too young to know for sure? I guess this isn't an issue or anything, I was just wondering if someone could give me insight from their point of view. And I guess I just wanted to let some things out.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

-Snip!-

This is a very tough question to answer, but I'll try my best to give some insight.

It's hard to speak for others since you don't really know what's going through their mind. If you believe your sister is saying she's any sexuality because of what her friends say/think, then I think it's best to explain the subject to her while trying to be mindful of her feelings.

Puberty shouldn't be the sole determinant when it comes to sexuality. I wasn't very knowledgeable on the topic until my middle school years because most of my friends/family members were either clueless or homophobic, yet I was able to see certain patterns from my younger self. (I won't specify what for personal reasons.) I discovered my sexuality at 13 and came out at 14, but I saw the signs from way before that time.

Also, I would like to point out that interests/hobbies are completely separate. People's tastes change over time, and it usually happens a lot during childhood. With sexuality, it's with you since the beginning of your life and it doesn't change; It's moreso how you discover/express it. So even if your sister changes her mind a lot about her hobbies, it doesn't apply to her sexuality.

Either way, it's your sister's choice at the end of the day to come out if she wishes to.

Take whatever I say with a grain of salt, because I don't know the full story and nuances. I just wanted to throw in my thoughts and advice. If anyone else has something better to say, that'd be much appreciated...

 

[kakapo]

Thank you! I love my sister very much but it can be very hard to understand her thoughts and feelings sometimes, probably due to our age gap, but I also think it's hard for her to communicate with use about her strong emotions. I think that emotional intelligence will be easier for her as she matures. And sometimes I think I don't always have to understand things about her, just accept them.

 

[Chris]

Hey guys, I'm a queer older teen and came out to my very accepting parents a while ago I think when I was 14? I consider myself to have come out at a very young age and haven't really changed my mind on anything.

Either way, I recently noticed that my younger sister (who is 11) right now has a lesbian flag as her lockscreen on her iphone. Obviously, my whole family is accepting of her and she hasn't really said anything about it so I'm not going to really bring it up. And I'm really really trying not to sound bigoted, but is there an age too young for kids to identify with a sexuality? In my mind, she hasn't even gone through puberty yet and always goes through different stages based on what her friends decide is cool. And based on what I do, I know that she looks up to me. Like she has tried around 6 different sports and quit them all. Always changes what games, music artists, food, etc she likes weekly. My parents have spent so much time and effort to get her into a hobby and she always ends up quitting it. Guitar, piano, ballet, softball, archery, etc. I also noticed that since getting her phone she's been watching a lot of youtube and content online and I'm wondering if I should be concerned at all. I know it's normal to go through stages, but should I try to talk to her about sexuality? Obviously I'll accept her if she ends up sticking with her identity or not. Is this a flawed mindset I have when I assume she's too young to know for sure? I guess this isn't an issue or anything, I was just wondering if someone could give me insight from their point of view. And I guess I just wanted to let some things out.

I'd wait for her to come to you / your parents rather than put her on the spot.

 

[wrenbow]

-

Her identifying one way or another isn't doing any harm, so I don't think there's any need to intervene. Even if she does turn out to be wrong, that's something for her to figure out on her own and it's not the end of the world. It's clear that you care about her so I think the best thing you could do is be supportive of her while she's figuring herself out instead of questioning how she feels, and in the future she'll be more grateful that you believed her and stuck up for her, regardless of how she ends up identifying.

Also keep in mind that a lot has changed in recent years and there's a lot more information out there about LGBTQ identities, so I'm not surprised that kids are able to figure themselves out earlier. I think if many of us grew up with access to the same information that's available now then we would also have come out much earlier, which is a good thing.

Hope this doesn't come across as harsh, I think it's great that you came here for advice for your sibling's sake. I hope things go well for both of you.

 

[ribbitribbon]

snip

actually even back in maybe 5th or 6th grade (so i assume 11-12) i had a best friend who did a lot of research on sexuality and had a crush on a girl and figured out she was probably bi. for afabs puberty usually starts around 9-11 even before you get your first period, and ends at 15. i know many people who had crushes and feelings around her age. of course i don’t know her personally as you do, but she definitely could see signs that give valid reason for identifying that way.

even though i’m much older than them i have a friend who is 12 and is a lesbian. they went with bi around 11 and then realized it after. i am also positive that they are correct and i have never doubted that. worst case, your sister realizes she’s wrong, but it’s not going to do her any harm and more likely would help her with her identity in the future.

 

[Tude]

Disclaimer: I'm cishet and my input doesn't matter.

I have a lot of friends who are LGBTQ+ (this doesn't mean I'm an authority on this) and some of them didn't know who they were when they were younger. They arrived to a couple conclusions before they figured it out. Maybe that's the case with your sister, maybe not.

At the risk of sounding ignorant, I wonder if it's easier for straight people to figure out since that's the most common thing, but I knew my sexuality when I was very young. I remember being six years old and liking half the boys in my class. It took everything in me to not run up to them and give them a big kiss! But maybe it's harder for LGBTQ+ kids to figure out at that age since there's not nearly so much representation in the media especially POSITIVE representation.

Anyway, back to the peanut gallery I go. Hope I haven't offended anyone because that's really not what I'm going for. I will always admire people who live life the way THEY want to.

 

[Seastar]

I was aroace for all of my childhood and teenage years but since nobody told me anything about LGBTQ+, I didn't start figuring it out until my mid 20s. Before then I just knew I didn't like people that way (I had no crushes at all during school) but I didn't know why.
I think it likely has to do with the time period. There's more information now and kids use the internet more than they used to, especially social media which I don't remember being that big when I was that age.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I was aroace for all of my childhood and teenage years but since nobody told me anything about LGBTQ+, I didn't start figuring it out until my mid 20s. Before then I just knew I didn't like people that way (I had no crushes at all during school) but I didn't know why.

same here. I knew from a pretty young age that I was aroace, even if I didn't explicitly know those terms, or even much about romantic/sexual orientation in general. I just knew that one of my friends was pretty boy crazy at 10 years old, and at the same time (I was 12) I was telling my mum that I never wanted to get married or have any kids, and I would grow up living alone in a house full of cats.

and I tried to talk to my mum about this when I was a kid/teen, how I was not interested in relationships and I was sex-repulsed. she would respond by telling me that those are very normal things for people to experience, and that I might change my mind someday. despite that, I knew there was nothing wrong with me, yet I couldn't help but feel a little weird. of course, years later I discovered the terms asexual and aromantic, and it described me perfectly. suddenly I didn't feel so weird anymore.

now I know that I'm demi-aroace, but I am still proudly aroace and I'm happy to have had a chance to connect with other aro/ace individuals on this forum.