The out of context quotes thread

[Yoshi155]

"Boys! Boys, have you seen my *****?"

(confused) "...What?"

"My ***** is on the loose! If you see it, just try to catch it with some cheese." *runs away*

"Ow... That hurt my brain."

This was one of the most questionable episodes of the show lmao

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

*Holding a newspaper that reads "JORDANIANS SUE DETHKLOK 16.7 MILLION $ IN DAMAGES"*

"I think it's okay if we hate each other, that's okay with me. But we can't have this happen again, it costs too much!"

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"He's slowly learning how to un-play the guitar."

 

[Suguri]

WARNING:
The following chapter contains graphic scenes showing two boys beating the tar out of a couple of robots.
If you have high blood pressure, or if you faint at the sight of motor oil, we strongly urge you to take better care of yourself and stop being such a baby.

 

[Yoshi155]

When a boy doesn’t want to play catch with his old man, something is seriously wrong.

I’ll play catch with you, son!

Get the hell out!

I’m gone.

 

[Yoshi155]

Look, I knew private school would be expensive, but I was hoping we could get a scholarship of some sort.

Sorry, I don’t have anything to offer you unless you’re a member of a minority group.

¡Excellente! ¡Muchos gracias, señorata!

WARNING:
The following chapter contains graphic scenes showing two boys beating the tar out of a couple of robots.
If you have high blood pressure, or if you faint at the sight of motor oil, we strongly urge you to take better care of yourself and stop being such a baby.

I really like this one:

Warning:

The following chapter contains terribly inappropriate scenes that certainly do not belong in a children’s book.
If you are offended by such senselessness, please put this book down immediately, raise your arms over your head, and run screaming to your nearest shoe store.
When you get there, ask them to make you a cheeseburger.

(Note: this probably won’t help you a bit, but we think it will be funny)

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Just... Do a great job, but don't leave us. I'm gonna get going— Your music sucks and you're an *******! I-I'm having trouble expressing myself."

 

[Yoshi155]

Oh, I know this story! The year is nineteen-aught-six. The president is the divine Miss Sarah Bernhard. And all over America, people were doing a dance called “The Funky Grandpa!” Oh, I’m the- *falls asleep*

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

Aw, don’t blame yourself, Bender.

I don’t blame myself. I blame all of you!

Us? How can you possibly blame us?

It ain’t easy. It just proves how great I am.

"Oh, Fry! I'd give anything to un-murder you!"

 

[Yoshi155]

I cannot believe this! I’m trying to give our daughter a headstart in life and you aren’t helping a bit!

Marge, name one successful person who ever lived without air conditioning.

Balzac.

No need for potty mouth just because you can’t think of one.

But Balzac is his name.

 

[Suguri]

Get out of my way, chimp!

Don't call me "Chimp"!

But you are one.

Oh, yeah.

 

[Yoshi155]

And so, just as things looked their worst-

I realized I could make money selling my medication to deadheads.

Grampa, what are you talking about?

Uh… nothing.

 

[Suguri]

So after that time me and Greg were study partners I asked him how the heck he laid that egg and he told me he can lay any kind of egg he WANTS.

And I said OK then lay an OSTRICH egg, and he said for that he'd need to eat a lot of potato chips and then he took some of mine.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"I'm too depressed for murder and mayhem."

 

[Yoshi155]

Young man, I can assure you my posterior is nothing more than flesh, bone and… that metal plate I got in ‘Nam.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"It sucks, y’know, but… Uh, yeah. I say we kill him."

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Pfft! What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group?"

"Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group."

"That was uncanny."

 

[-Blue-]

“I will not be undermined by creatures created in some laboratory!”
*Gets undermined by creatures created in some laboratory.*

 

[Yoshi155]

Wow. So that’s how Lisa got her sax.

Next I’ll tell you the origin of Maggie’s pacifier.

What origin? We get them for $1.95 down at the Safeway.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't censor me just 'cause I'm an obscenely bad role model!"