The out of context quotes thread

[Suguri]

I shore am glad I wore my helmet.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Uhh... What the **** are you guys doing in his bed?"

"I'd rather not talk about it, okay?"

 

[Yoshi155]

Hey, is that a camera in the ceiling?

No. Go back to sleep.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Alright, listen up! First things first, the conditions down here are repugnant! It's infested with rats, molds, and some strain of flesh-eating virus."

"Pretty metal."

"Pretty metal."

"Oh, is it? Your staff is dying down here. Is that metal?"

"I hate to say it, but yeah."

"Yeah, not to be contradictory, but it's very metal."

"...Is it metal to have your drains clogged with dead, rotting employees?"

"...Yeah. It is, actually."

"Metal."

"Is it metal to have easily-avoidable work-related accidents be the cause of death?!"

"Yeah. Again, metal."

"Is it metal for none of you to care at all?"

"Yeah, it's way more metal if we don't care about it."

"Well... I guess I, uh, didn't know all that stuff was metal."

 

[Yoshi155]

You’re the Geico Gecko. You exist to sell insurance. I don’t care what your backstory is.

 

[Suguri]

Dear Diary,
I sure am glad to have Greg as my best friend because he is always giving me tips about school. Like today he told me the boys' and girls' locker rooms in the gym were labeled wrong.

Well, it turns out Greg got his facts mixed up on that one.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"I'm gonna rip out your spleen and feed it to your husband!"

"Uh-oh. Wouldn't want that."

"Yikes, Morty. We'd better run before it figures out what a husband is."

 

[-Blue-]

I don't think today is a good day to be arrested by frogs.

Aaaand that's a rock fact!

 

[xSuperMario64x]

"it's like the Statue of Liberty but it's just Mario holding a frickin ice cream cone" - me 5 seconds ago

 

[Yoshi155]

These are adult stem cells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells.

 

[Yoshi155]

This is crazy. It’s like I’m looking at an exact robot duplicate of myself.

That is what you’re looking at.

Oh.

 

[Yoshi155]

Shoot her! She’s the robot!

No, shoot her! She’s the human!

But how do I know who’s the human and who’s the robot?

We just told you!

Yeah, you idiot!

 

[Suguri]

Does this have chickpeas in it? Because I'm allergic to chickpeas.

-Heffley

 

[ShadowLelouch97]

Huh. Bloody odd taste in clothes, but at least he's wearing some...

 

[Suguri]

Greg Heffley will not be receiving his diploma due to an inability to skip.

 

[Yoshi155]

He’s going to need a… you know… protection.

Sure. One helmet coming up.

I was thinking more like protection for… down there.

Oh, why didn’t you say so? Knee pads. You got it.

I’m talking about his… personal area…

Aha! Say no more. I read you loud and clear. The old shoulder pads.

 

[Yoshi155]

Who are we?

The Wildcats!

Who are we going to beat?

The Wildcats!

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Wow, I love you guys! Back in the 20th century, I had all five of your albums."

"That was a thousand years ago. Now we got seven."

 

[Suguri]

Hey, look, Greg has a purse!

Actually, it's an embroidered bookbag.

OK, pursie.

 

[QueenCobra]

“So we move to LA. My father gets a job at the palm restaurant, my Uncle Junior works there who was a Jehovah’s Witness. Believe it or not, he went from Catholic to Jehovah. So basically my grandmother wanted us all to switch from Catholic to Jehovah. You know, meanwhile, we’re from Harlem, my father’s doing coke, you know my mother thinks she’s Ann-Margret, she’s teasing the hair with a bottle of vodka. You know, so dysfunctional, cross-addicted family, still cooking pasta on Sundays.”