The out of context quotes thread

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Mr. Garrison, seriously, I have to go. Can I please be excused from class?"

"I don't know, Kyle. Did you ask Mr. Hat?"

"I don't wanna ask Mr. Hat, I'm asking you!"

"Oh, I think you should ask Mr. Hat."

"...Mr. Hat, may I please be excused from class?"

"Well, Kyle... NO! You hear me?! You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!"

"Hmm, guess you'll have to take your seat, Kyle."

"Dammit!"

 

[Yoshi155]

Dad, do you think you might have been brainwashed?

I have not been brainwashed. Kill the girl. Kill the girl.

Homer!

What? What did I say?

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"How did those ugly things learn to fly?"

"Dude—Maybe you shouldn't antagonize them!"

 

[QueenCobra]

“Shut your mouth, you mediocre clarinet player.”

“Mediocre?”

“You pretentious, insignificant artist. Your sniveling creations are worth less than a protozoan's waste.”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"There's no chance we can ever be together?"

"Only if you could promise me... You'll never die."

"You know I can't promise that."

"If you did that, I would make love to you right now."

"I promise. I will never die."

 

[Yoshi155]

Smithers, why haven’t I heard of this “The Leader?” He’s as right and wicked as I, but he seems to enjoy tax-exempt status.

Actually, sir, with our creative bookkeeping and corporate loopholes, we only pay $3 a year.

You’re right! We’re getting screwed!

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"As actors, it is our responsibility to read the newspapers, and then say what we read on television like it's our own opinion."

 

[Yoshi155]

I’ll kidnap him for 50, deprogram him for 100, and I’ll kill him for 500.

No, no, no. Just the first two.

All right, I’ll throw in the killing for free.

 

[Suguri]

I'm Purse Lady! Bearer of the Purse! This is Supa-Fang!

*grrrrrr!*

And I'm Chief!

Psst---Don't say your real name! Make up a superhero name!

Oh, yeah! Hmmm...

I'm Chief Man!

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. is down! I repeat, we have no I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.!"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Pirate is ripping off the necklace of a French woman on a ship and she is angry*
“Oooooooo! You horrible brutes!”
*Pirate pulls out a flyer*
“If it makes you feel better, ma’am, 40% of this raid will go to saving the whales and reef protection
*Woman suddenly stops being angry and is touched*
“Really? Awwww that is so nice! Au revoir! Good luck with that!” Waves handkerchief goodbye*

 

[Yoshi155]

If you’re experiencing explosive decompression, please try to avoid staining the seat cushions. Those things are expensive!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Guys, something weird is going on here….”
“Kid, traveling through history is always weird. Weird food, weird accents, stupid languages….”
“Hmmm. It’s true. Something is definitely off.”
*Cut to a window cleaner that is obviously naked yet censored by items close to him*
“I can’t put my finger on it.”
*Jump to two men not wearing any clothes play chess with the table acting as a censor and then to a news boy covering his nudity with newspapers*
“Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Germans march on Poland!”
*Jump back to the Time Squad confused and then Otto becoming horrified*
“OH MY GOSH! EVERYONE’S NAKED!!!!!!!!!!”
*Time Squad scream*

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Okay, a limousine that can fly. Now I have seen everything."

"Really? Have you seen a man eat his own head?"

"No..."

"So then you haven't seen everything."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“This is nuts! You guys are miserable, right?”
*Jump to the British Air Force wearing no clothes*
“Uh no?”
*Other men verbally agree even though they are shivering and they smile*
“It really isn’t all that bad.”
“It’s alright.”
“I quite like it I guess.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Man you’ve got some ego on you.”
“He ain’t no eagle. He’s a cockatiel. How many times do I gotta tell ya?”

 

[Yoshi155]

Next stop: the Sweet Mountain. Enjoying our candy paradise is the perfect way to celebrate your next birthday… or to avoid reaching it.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Candy Mountain Charlie!”
“Yeah! Candy Mountain!”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"He asks what part of the deal you did not understand. He says perhaps his translator did not make it clear to you. He says he should… Fire his translator?" *gets shot*

 

[Yoshi155]

23, 24, 25. Bah! Not nearly enough aliens!

Want us to get more?

…no! I want you to get me a cheeseburger and a shake.

That’ll be easier! Cheeseburgers don’t run as fast as them little alien varmints.