The out of context quotes thread

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“You’re kinda hot but you’ve got chicken feet.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“So what happened to the alien leader?”
“Oh I’m keeping him in the fridge.”
*Jump to Cyborg holding a plate and licking barbecue sauce off his fingers. The rest of the Titans stare at him in total shock*
“What?”

 

[Suguri]

Wipe my heinie, ploopy!

 

[TN4U]

Hi, Squidward! All done with those errands?

No, I am not, I just remembered; I needed change for this dollar.

Do you want four quarters? Or ten dimes? Or twenty nickels? Or one hundred pennies? Or one quarter, three dimes, seven nickels and ten pennies, oooor if you give me a five dollar bill, your options are-

ALRIGHT! Goodbye.

 

[Yoshi155]

How can I help you?

I’m interested in upgrading my 28.8 kilobaud internet connection to a 1.5 megabit fiber-optic T-1 line. Will you be able to provide an IP router that’s compatible with my token ring Ethernet LAN configuration?

………can I have some money now?

 

[Yoshi155]

Ooh, they have the internet on computers now.

 

[Midoriya]

"W-w-wait, don't go in there. He's doing his podcast."

"Oh, that's cute. Now THAT I like."

*Peter appears on the TV with no clothes on and a pig in front of him*

"What do you think about this, you old bag?!"

"Oh no..."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“How could you bring a child into this world?”
“It was an accident. Must have crawled in during nap time….”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I, myself, once too had a gay best friend. We were roommates and had many fun fruitful years together. He is no longer with us now.”
*Students are in stunned silence*
“What happened to him?”
“Isn’t it obv? He died of the Hiv.”
“What?! God no! He moved to San Francisco with a leather bear. I was talking about my cat Anderson Coo-Purr.”
*Pulls out a photo frame covered with Pom poms and a photo of a cat wearing a shirt collar and necktie *

 

[Yoshi155]

Wow, sometimes I even impress myself. For a second there I wasn’t sure I was going to pull it off. Oh, who am I kidding, we both knew how this would end.

Uh, are you talking to the broken robot who can hear you?

Uh, maybe. That’s between me and the robot. See, the important thing here is the alien planet is free.

Absolutely.

So we can just forget about the whole talking to dead robots thing, right?

Nope.

I knew you’d say that.

 

[Yoshi155]

This exotic aquarium contains many rare and endangered species. Enjoy them with a delicious soy glaze at the Bucket O’Sushi restaurant!

 

[Suguri]

"Well, I saw my cat cleaning herself with her tongue," said the child. "So I said to myself, 'Gee, that looks like it could work on me, too!'"

 

[Yoshi155]

This is like when you stub your toe, and instead of just stubbing it, it gets pulled away from your other toe.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I’m gonna say Gerard Depardieu’s on top.”
*Game buzzer sound indicates wrong answer*
“Sorry, Madeline, you forgot Gerard’s French and therefore a bottom.”

 

[Yoshi155]

To the Science Mobile!

You mean the ship?

Yes, the Science Mobile!

It’s just that… you’ve never called it that before, but okay.

 

[Suguri]

Peace be with you.

No, peas be with you! Hee hee hee!

 

[Yoshi155]

My tux doesn’t fit. Probably because I’ve grown so much since I’ve last worn it. Or “evolved,” as one might say.

One might not say that. Your tux doesn’t fit because you stole it from a boy!

You mean a man. It was his Bar Mitzvah.

 

[Yoshi155]

Whoa. You’re like some kind of dumpster Jedi.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Gluttony has an entire three layered cake in her mouth and is attempting to swallow it whole as Envy watches*
“This is impressive and scary.”

 

[Yoshi155]

I love how Sonic has just no reaction to slamming his entire body into a jar. He’s like “yeah, whatever. Glass, lol, whatever.”