The out of context quotes thread

[Yoshi155]

In the unlikely event of an emergency, please find the nearest escape pod. For anyone not named Eggman, your escape pod can be found back at the planet still being assembled in the factory.

 

[Yoshi155]

The space sickness you will eventually get is not the responsibility of Eggman’s Incredible Interstellar Amusement Park or its subsidiaries. Send any complaints to the inventor of space. Thank you.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Loading screens are the only thing that stands between me and happiness."

 

[Suguri]

Well, bite my biscuits!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Mrs Oblong, the court records show that you’ve left your daughter alone at the wharf, in a giblets bucket at the slaughterhouse, at the casino, dog racing track, Akron, Ohio….”

 

[QueenCobra]

“I watched a woman get born today. No, not give birth. Get born.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Pickles in the car patting something*
“As soon as we get home, baby, you and Mommy will spend some quality time together.”
*Zoom out to show a 6 pack of vodka with a seat belt securing it in the passenger seat. Pickles then drives off and a cut of Beth being left behind in the parking lot is seen*
“Oh boy….”

 

[xSuperMario64x]

"Jaws of Life, aka, the Jaws. victim's trapped in a car, this baby will peel it like an orange."

"yeah, let's see what it does with a real orange."

 

[Yoshi155]

You can call me Iron Knuckle
Unlike Link, I don’t chuckle

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Listen, I don't think we should let Kyle be a ninja, okay? He said ninjas were gay! He's probably gonna try to turn it around on me, but that's 'cause Kyle knows I heard him."

"You're talking to Kyle right now."

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"If your death wasn't in my hands, this would absolutely be a non-problem for me."

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

♬ "Whenever I see Jesus up on that cross, I can't help but think that he looks kinda hot." ♬

 

[Midoriya]

"Imagine a world where Hitler was still alive..."

"Today on Hitler, we'll be talking with Hollywood hunk, Christian Slater!"

"Now, tell me, in your next movie, we get to see your butt."

"Ahahah, yes-yes you do."

"Can we see it right now?"

"Well, uhhh, alright, Hitler."

"OH! OH! HE'S GOING TO DO IT!"

"If you live in the Los Angeles area and would like tickets to Hitler, call 213-DU WERDEST EINE KRANKENSCHWESTER BRAUCHEN!"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Now we will begin the word association section of the test….”
“Breasts.”
“Mr Duckman, we haven’t even begun!”
“Breasts.”
*Fluffy and Uranus look at each other in confusion*
“Cat.”
“Breasts.”
“Black.”
“Breasts.”
“Cow.”
“Breasts.”
“Tanzania!”
“Breasts.”
“Dolly Parton.”
“Bad hair. Next!”

 

[QueenCobra]

“Not a bit of good. Not a bit. I’d put a stake through her heart and garlic around her neck to make sure she never comes back.”

(R.I.P. Cathy Rutherford)

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"So only three of my ribs were broken by Rosie today. Not the worst."

"Ditto. I just had a fractured femur and a bruised sternum. Life goes on."

 

[QueenCobra]

“We’ve had SEX…rather, six consecutive days of….”

“OK. All right. That was a Freudian slip but we’re gonna pretend like we didn’t hear it.”

 

[Midoriya]

"I was going to tell you the story of what happened. So basically, when I was inside the Uber driver--"

*brief pause while nothing is said*

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

"SORRY, I meant when I was inside the Uber car."

"Hey! Phrasing!"

(my friend and I a year or two ago)

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"I tried doing what you said, but apparently there was a trampoline below from where I was falling, and so I couldn't die."

"That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

 

[Yoshi155]

Please keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times, because there are tiny asteroids travelling at incredible speeds, hurtling through space. Keeping your hands and feet in the car won’t prevent you from being hit, but our lawyers tell us we have to say it anyway.