The out of context quotes thread

[Suguri]

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"I feel so sad."

"Here's a song to cheer you up."

*Starts playing low-quality Gangnam Style*

 

[Plainbluetees]

Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning my mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast. A big bowl of sauerkraut, every single morning! It was driving me crazy.
I said to my mom, I said, "Hey mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?"
And my dear, sweet mother, she just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train, and she leaned right down next to me, and she said "IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!"
And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth, and force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty six and a half years old.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Have a seat in that repulsing, vomit-colored chair."

 

[Suguri]

I'm not bald! I've just got fine feathers, that's all!
-Apollo, AC:WW

 

[QueenCobra]

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEACH! Sit down. Can we get a bag? We need a bag. Do you need a bag to breathe in?”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Old McDonald had a farm
Eieioo!
And on that farm he had a bunch of stupid giant balloons!
No cows or pigs!
No crops or work!
Just a bunch of stupid giant balloons!
Old McDonald died a pauper
All because of stupid giant balloons!”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"What's with everyone saying mean things? Why don't they know it's mean to say mean things? Don't they know how people feel when you are mean when you say mean things? Are they aware of the mean things that happened?"

 

[Suguri]

"What's with everyone saying mean things? Why don't they know it's mean to say mean things? Don't they know how people feel when you are mean when you say mean things? Are they aware of the mean things that happened?"

Pretty funny, but the message is still relevant! I agree with this. (Though I have no clue where that came from XD)

Look up in the sky. It's a bird!

It's a plane!

It's a egg-salad sandwich!

No way! I'm Captain Underpants!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Goodness! I taste delicious!”

 

[Midoriya]

"Hey, you ate all my food yesterday! Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

*screen pauses and another guy appears on the screen*

"Guys, THIS is a bro moment. And watch how this bro responds like a champ!"

*scene continues*

"Uhhhhh, the Tsaritsa's benevolence knows no place for transgressors!" *He takes out a hammer and begins running towards the person*

"Ahhhh!!" *They run away*

"John, do you have any idea how late you were for work today? I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to fire you."

"The Tsaritsa's benevolence knows no place for transgressors!" *John charges at them with a hammer again and they run away*

"Hey, EVERYBODY, and welcome back to 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?!' We're here with John today, who just needs to answer one more question correctly in order to win the grand prize. Now, John, how many standard metric quadrants... can the planet Mars be divided into?"

*Camera zooms in on John*

"Oh gosh.... oh geez... uh, THE TSARITSA'S BENEVOLENCE KNOWS NO PLACE FOR TRANSGRESSORS!"

"Well, let's see if you're right.... and you are! CONGRATULATIONS ON WINNING THE MILLION!"

"Oh my ga, I can't believe I did it! I just want to thank my mom, my dad, and the Tsaritsa... for being benevolent and knowing no place for transgressors!"

"Uh-huh, sure. See you all next time!"

 

[SkyKnight03]

"Has anyone ever been hurt in this thing"?

"Of course not! This is the first time I've ever tried it on people".

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I have two people at my party! This is twice as many as last year!”
*Dabney runs off excitedly while Stevie and Malcom stare at each other in stunned silence. Malcom mouths “Twice as many?!”*

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Forbidden words?”
“Magic, wing, feather, oh and mayonnaise!”
“What’s wrong with may-?”
*Izzy silences Hitch by covering his mouth with her hooves*

 

[QueenCobra]

“I, for example, need to keep refilling my waterwheel or I'll power down forever.”

*waterwheel stops*

“Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!”

*runs into the ocean to refill waterwheel, returns as normal*

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“You wouldn’t hit an innocent young woman who was manipulated by an insane criminal mastermind into becoming his sidekick, would you?”
*Batman hesitates and Harley hits him*
“Sucker!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I have a list of my favorite names for the baby if it’s a girl. Which do you like? Jennifer, Michelle, or Treblinka?”
“Are you insane? You can’t name a baby after a concentration camp!”
“Really? It sounds so pretty though. I thought it was the name of one of those cute little fairies from Sleeping Beauty.”
“What kind of idiot thinks about naming a baby after a Nazi death camp?!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Don’t choke my cherub! Don’t you dare choke my cherub!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Moron!”
“I HOPE MY WATER BREAKS ALL OVER YOUR FUR COAT!!!!!!!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Bernice yelling from upstairs*
“Don’t worry about me not having any dinner! I’LL JUST LICK CRUMBS OFF OF THESE DIRTY SHEETS LIKE AN ANIMAL!”