The out of context quotes thread

[Midoriya]

"Hey, everybody, it's me, Baby Cakes from China IL! And I'm here today to tell you not to do drugs, kids. Drugs are bad for you. They make you feel weird and all messed up. Instead, why don't you munch on these 150 homemade cookies my granny made instead. Make sure to eat them all or you won't get a heart attack!"

"Ummmm, Steve, I'm sure we wanted a creative direction with this commercial, but this ain't it."

 

[QueenCobra]

“Juror Number 8 is wearing white shoes after Labor Day!”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"So I become ruler of earth?"

"Indeed."

"Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor!"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I told you no more killing people!”
“Oh Alex, it wasn’t a person. It was a guidance counselor.”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Get a room, you two!"

"We're in a room!"

"Well, then lose some weight."

 

[rocketspruggs]

"And then God said, "let there be heat"."

Something I said, because I'll have to deal with a heat wave where I live.

 

[SkyKnight03]

"How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? The world may never know"!

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"To live is to risk it all. Otherwise you're just an inert chunk of randomly-assembled molecules, drifting wherever the universe blows you— Oh, I'm sorry. Jerry, I didn't see you there. How much of that did you hear?"

"All of it. You were looking right at me."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Mr Owl, how many ways are there to skin a cat?”
“Let’s find out.”
*Mr Owl pulls out a cat and a pocketknife. Jump to the kid watching in horror as Mr Owl begins to count and cat skins are thrown in front of him*
“One, twoooo, three….”
“How many ways are there to skin a cat? The world should never know.”
*Cut to credits and after they end cut back to the kid covered in blood looking horrified as Mr Owl continues and starts sounding insane*
“Six! Siiiiix! SIX AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"My arms are broken! I'll never paint again!" *Starts sobbing*

(exasperated) "You can't sue the military."

"Aw, I'm okay then."

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“What a sweet child you are!”
*Evil Witch looks around and bends down and a ripping sound is heard and she comes back up with Red’s hood and hair in her mouth. Jump to Red at a table now bald and angry*
“Hey! GIMME THAT!!!!!!!!!!!”
*Puts hair and hood back on and goes up to the Evil Witch*
“Why don’t you learn some manners, lady?!”
*Red kicks the Evil Witch in her leg and she screams in pain*

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Evil Witch magically puts Red into a cannon which fires and she turns herself into a frog and swallows Red whole and turns back to normal before burping*
“I’m still hungry!”
*Dogs are holding each other shaking in fear*
“We only wanted canned cheese!”
“Excellent idea!”
*Witch snaps her fingers and a can of cheese pops into her hand. Jump to the Dogs drooling with their tongues sticking out*
“Canned cheese!”
*The Witch approaches the Dogs and a hiss is heard before the camera reveals a dollop of canned cheese on top of each Dogs’ head and then fades to black as the Witch laughs evilly. Cut to end title screen of the Dogs and Red sitting inside of the Witch’s stomach*

 

[Suguri]

Remember in second grade how Marty Porter had head lice? Do you really want him touching YOUR money?

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"They're so cute! What are their names?"

"Kids have names?"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Oh, Rocko, don’t you just love my eyes?”
*Mrs Bighead shoves her face directly into Rocko’s*
“Oh yes. They’re lovely.”
“TOUCH THEM!!!!!!!!!”
*Rocko uncomfortably touches her eyes*
“Yes! Oh my! Very soft and veiny!”

 

[QueenCobra]

“You is a lowdown, no-good ham!”

“ARE a lowdown, no-good ham.”

“You ARE a lowdown, no-good ham!”

“That’s fine. That’s fine!”

“You are a lowdown, no-good ham!”

“Perfect! Perfect! That’s perfect!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“When they see us coming
The birdies all try and hide.
But they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide.
The sun’s shining bright!
Everything seems all right
When we’re poisoning pigeons in the park!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“We'll murder them all
Amid laughter and merriment
Except for the few
We take home to experiment.”

 

[QueenCobra]

"Six a.m. and already the boy ain't right."