The out of context quotes thread

[Yoshi155]

Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts.

*gets hit by a bus*

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Do you see that thing swimming in the bowl round and round?”
“Yes. Maybe if we reach in we can make it drown!”

 

[Yoshi155]

We must fly to Rome and exhume the body of Saint James!

Didn’t we used to be a delivery company?

To the ship!

 

[Suguri]

If you get out of bed again tonight, you'll probably run into Shel Silverstein in the hallway.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Hey! Where’s Madonna?!”
“Uh we didn’t say Madonna.”
“We said Fuddonna.”
*Jump to outside the door where Elmer Fudd with a blonde ponytail and hat and wearing Madonna’s point chest outfit*
“Hello! *Does his signature laugh*”

 

[Yoshi155]

Okay, everyone, into the fountain.

What are you, senile? I’m not jumping in there.

Hey, look. Coins.

*Bender dives into the fountain*

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Make a wish!”
*Milo blows out the candle in unenthusiastic disappointment*
“I wish I was dead….”
“If you say your wish out loud, it won’t come true.”

 

[Yoshi155]

Never shall I reveal how these wondrous machines fit together!

They fit together?

I said no such thing! And then I died! *pretends to die*

 

[Suguri]

Raspberry plastic tickle bear!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Milo runs his finger on a cake’s frosting and tastes it. He is confused*
“This cake tastes weird.”
“Well we didn’t have any chocolate frosting so I used deviled ham!”

 

[Suguri]

TV: ¡Tengo hambre!

Mom: Tango hamburgers!

 

[Yoshi155]

It’s an honor to meet you, Leonardo. And may I say, you were great in Titanic. The Beach… eh.

That’s Leonardo DiCaprio, you blockhead.

 

[Yoshi155]

Come. Sit down.

Now that I can do. *misses the seat and falls on the floor*

 

[Yoshi155]

You two make me ashamed to call myself an idiot!

 

[Yoshi155]

Hey, kids! I made your favorite cookies! Christmas trees for the girls, and bloody spearheads for Bart.

Aw, thanks, Mom.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Girl raises her hand*
“Why are you so fat?”
*Jump to an annoyed Gru in a curly wig and dressed as a fairy queen*
“Because my house is made out of candy!”

 

[Yoshi155]

Hey, since when is Christmas just about the presents? Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of this day? The birth of Santa?

 

[Suguri]

I heard Greg Heffley has really strong muscles.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Don’t touch the spindle or else you’ll be cursed and fall into a deep slumber!”
“Wrong story there, Pinkie.”
“It’s an enchanted spinning wheel! Where else do you think he got it from?!”

 

[Yoshi155]

The words of a heartbroken mother. For there will be no fire truck for little Bart, no sweater for little Lisa, no Cajun sausage for little Homer.

*Homer cries*