@ Lady Timpani thank you for that. I have no imaginings on how family can become so hateful of their child because they are ill, mocking, refusing help, I prayed to be let go the next day I met him. Lately my fianc? has been having mood swings and has lashed at me but I understand someone in my mind it is not me. We talked about it, he apologized and he is sweet but young I fear as my mom constantly yells into my ear he won't be able to handle all the issues...What making some appointments, helping me when I am very ill, calling my ins for me things I used to do, driving me doing the grocery thing he has been fine but he is in school stressed not much time. He is all I have, I know if we can make it out of here and I'm still holding on we will be ok. All my real friends well they set sail long ago and wish had made more before became shut in so I don't think he gets when he is here the few hrs he can be or such that's all I've got but I think he will get it. As for being at the mercy of a family who pretty much wants me gone...I feel like I fell into a storybook the beautiful girl in the tower, luckily someone made their way in if he can hang in with me until the emergent complications and issues are fixed but more and more it is hard to do normal things dress drive make the calls. As for the family they could have gotten me help as a child, taken me to a center earlier, but there is a history of under the rug secrets and histories and my sister well I have no family really now just a room am allowed to lay in the dark in. I have to believe I am still here for a greater purpose even if it takes almost dying to find a cause I was just born with this stubborn will to survive. Always be kind even when being traumatized and try to help others.Empathy I used to think was a curse, sensitivity in this world as one ex told me someone like me can't make it alone in this world but luckily I don't think I will have to anymore. One more almost year then one day I hope karma rips through this family like a sword of justice.
For all the girls with relationship issues especially younger a recurring theme I see here, remember to love yourself most, I've had three abusive all different in their own ways relationships and can say sometimes the world will throw that same situation at you again number two was one again but worse to see if you learned your lesson or will try to play his savior and be the one who loses a piece of themselves. Know that there is a soul out there meant for you, kind brings flowers no reason, stops by with gifts, will love you to the point they can't see anyone else. Yes ups and downs will come but know your worth believe your worth being loved and don't settle. I had to give up on all before I found that, it was fated how I know is a strange story but don't lose hope. Do not let others break you.If he is an alcoholic you can't save him, drugs same, he will lie steal call you up at night that's bad guy one, the one who makes you feel like less cuts you down tells you how to dress, he escalates until he's drained you and you have to leave to pull yourself back up, the one who uses force hurts you in ways you may not recognize until later were assault but is a charmer self centered walk away. The right one won't have you in torment, not on purpose, being apart in true lev can be torment but it is always because of obligations not because of not wanting to be there every second he can, he will be a man and admit his fault, and he will likely not be what you have in your mind, you won't see him coming, he's waiting for you to be in the right place. The rest are learning, take the lessons in and become stronger. When I was 18-21 I lived with a 30-33 yr old alcoholic bc I wanted out of here I came home went to school got 3 degrees two MA then was disabled and stuck where I said would never return. I journalized that relationship and many years later wrote out all I had to say to the big three then burnt it spent two years alone gave up stopped looking went for groceries and he found me, guys were always too scared to ask but he said he knew right then I knew too and he didn't give a darn I was disabled he said we were a team he was my protector and would take care of me. Now if we can make it to his first degree and get married it may be a year until he can care for us both and pay for the wedding/honeymoon I deserve that my family doesn't want to see me happy or loved but love always wins. So to guys too don't think she or anyone is out of league just ask...his advice not mine there.
To the girls with the family issues can't be mentioned, I know, write to me if you want you may know what I mean if your one, it never gets easier until you forgive. To the ones struggling with self image it is what you think that matters look in the mirror every morning tell yourself your beautiful as you are and every time a doubt of that comes up learn to replace it with a self confident one. You are unique there is no one better and if anyone especially a guy can't see it toss him back.