I haven't done anything productive in years. It hurts to see everyone I grew up with growing up and driving and having fun and I'm just at home hating myself. I'm essentially a dropout at this point. I've been in and out of public school since 5th grade, and I've never finished an online class. I don't know how my mom pulled it off with me not doing my work but she got me to 9th grade. I'm still technically a freshman because I never finished. Everyone else I grew up with is in 10th grade now. They're graduating in two years and I'm doing absolutely nothing. I don't even know what I want anymore. I can't bring myself to do the schoolwork.I don't even know if I'll be able to pull off getting my GED/other high school equivalency test. I'm not even old enough to try yet. It feels like I've sabotaged myself and that I'm doing everything possible to ruin my own life. The only things that motivate me are my boyfriend and animals. I just want to work with animals, but I can't do that if I never make any attempt to get my diploma or equivalent. I've ruined everything.