What's Bothering You?

[Dunquixote]

Today was a pretty good day. My racing thoughts and feeling a bit oversensitive about something silly got me a bit depressed though in the last couple of minutes. :/

 

[Bruscoe]

So, I recently found out that my job may have shortened money back from me without my knowledge throughout the entire school year. At roughly $20 and change an hour with them shortening me 30 minutes a day (we get paid by the minute by the way), totaling roughly 2 and a half hours per week of work that I never got paid for. If this is true, they may see the last of me very soon. Union is looking into it right now.

 

[Croconaw]

Spoiler: bpd rambles

I wish I didn't rely so much on other people for my emotions. I've done things in the distant past I'm not proud of because of my BPD, and no that isn't an excuse but I've been seen as a bad person in the eyes of others because of it. I've gotten better in terms of not acting impulsively or even wording things poorly, but it hurts to know that those from my past have probably made up their mind about me: that I am a bad person.

I've seen articles online about "how to survive a relationship with someone with BPD" or "how to survive living with someone with BPD" and it's disheartening that these are what people see from an outside perspective. People with BPD are often seen as manipulative or as bad people, when in reality I used to try to avoid forming close bonds with people to avoid hurting them.

I'm gotten better in terms of being more confident in myself as a person. And not in a "I'm attractive or comfortable with how I look" way. It's in a "I'm confident in my interests and not ashamed of the way I am as a person" sort of way. The fact that I'm more confident in what I like means I'm not picking up interests from those around me or getting into things solely because I want to fit in with specific people. I have friends now, and while we don't share all of the same interests, I'm okay with what we do share in common. My friend has gaming sessions with other people for a game I'm not particularly into, and I'm okay with that, because we do our own things together.

I remember a conversation with my therapist from high school that I ended up keeping in contact with. She said that just because your friends are hanging out with other people, it doesn't mean they forgot about you. Outside validation was a big thing for me and I used to rely heavily on other people for my happiness, and most of the time it ended up being one person. When that one person was with other people, I felt internally attacked.

I feel like I've improved a lot as a person despite a few of the struggles I have here and there, but I'm making progress. I just feel like I'm seen as a bad person in the eyes of some people because my actions in the past and there's no way to recover from that. I can better myself as a person, but will it change the way people see me? I don't think so.

 

[Dunquixote]

Sorry for posting again so soon. I’m just really struggling today. Woke up to a dream that reminded me a little of high school (high school was a nightmare for me). Depressed because I miss my best friend. I’m also feeling bad about how I reacted in the past to some things because I misread mood or wasn’t feeling good or something else.

Also still feeling discouraged and a bit oversensitive about silly things.

I can’t get myself to get out of bed; I still need to take my medicine too. I hope once I do I feel a bit better.

 

[Neb]

There's something on my phone that's been absolutely killing my battery. I'm not sure what it is, but my guess is Spotify, since the battery would drain every time I listen to music. I know that the model I have is pretty old, but there's no way my phone should drop by 50% and more in such a short amount of time, even when I'm not using it.

I wish I knew for sure what the issue was. I'd like my phone to be usable past lunch time, thanks. :\

My phone’s having battery issues too and I’ve only had it two years. It’s an iPhone 12 and it drains way faster than when I first bought it. Every time I use it for more than a little while the screen gets super warm. My previous iPhone I kept for around 3 years and it bricked out of nowhere and the person at the Apple Store said I had to get a new one. I’d switch to Android, but I’m too lazy to transfer everything over.

 

[duckvely]

i have my last final for this semester at 8am tomorrow and i have not started studying

 

[Zinnia.]

deleted

 

[Giddy]

No email or message from my tutor.
I gave them one final email, and thats it. I cant keep emailing and not get anything in return. Gonne try some questions. Already tired and stressed.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

Spoiler

called my dad earlier while I was on my way to go somewhere before work, and he told me that my mom's surgery went well (she had a fusion of her left SI joint), but after the surgery she had complications with a collapsed lung and she was put into ICU. so I was already worried about her, but he just called me back a few minutes ago and gave an update. he said that not only did she have two collapsed lungs (not by any fault of the anesthesiologist, rather an underlying medical condition that we're aware of), but apparently her heart stopped for a few seconds?? the doctor said that she's stable now, but they will continue to monitor her over the next 72 hours to see if it may have affected brain activity and kidney functioning at all. so instead of coming home tomorrow, now she's gonna be in ICU for a few days and is slated to come home on Monday (hopefully).

so yeah... I know there's no sense in worrying myself to death but like, good lord.

 

[spawnpoint]

today has been absolutely awful. nothing but family drama all day im sick of it

 

[VernalLapin]

Well, I’m going to an event tonight, which I am happy about. But I’m supposed to dress up which i lowkey ****ing hate in the summer because finding casual dresses is so hard and none of mine fit me anymore, neither do my dress pants which I don’t wanna wear either cause its 80 ****in degrees. I have a maxi skirt but no clean tops that go with it. As I didn’t ****ing hate doing laundry enough, the ****ing washer is broken and beeps errors at me everytime I try to use it I wanna ****ing kick it and smash it and the event’s probably only in like 2 hours

 

[jiny]

reaaaallyy dont wanna work today lol

 

[SkyKnight03]

It hurts when I step down on my foot. I checked and there's nothing visibly wrong with it. I thought I might have found glass in it or something. But there was nothing.

I have to make a doctor's appointment soon anyways. Worst case scenario I just schedule it early.

hm :[

 

[Clock]

Stupid computer decided to update while i was in the middle of something im angry

 

[Bruscoe]

Today, our boss forced several of the drivers (around 10 or so) who finished very early with their routes to sit and do nothing in the lounge for over 30 minutes before they could leave, and none could simply walk out and take no pay. Oh man, were they super angry about that. I left a note for our union representative (who was still driving), and I'd imagine this will get talked about for most of next week.

Surprisingly, it didn't really bother me all that much, but I'd be mad too if I was forced to sit and do nothing at work. I don't care that I'm still getting paid; let everyone who already finished go home and enjoy the weekend.

 

[Dunquixote]

Spoiler

I can’t sleep. I’m restless because I’m anxious about my switch.

I hate how my dad talks to me like I’m stupid. right now I’m not processing anything because i’m tired and anxious. he told me oh did you know you can get a 10% off discount from the repair site if you enter your email? I’m like well.. and he’s like well what. Even if i was more awake, i take a long time to process things and to think of a way to response and when he pressures me to hurry up it makes me freeze up.

i almost want to just say screw it and wait to get it with my mom. I don’t know how to interact with my dad anymore or deal with it.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I woke up at 4:40am feeling so tired and tense and anxious, and I slept off and on for a while but now it's 8:30 so I'll go ahead and get up. I still feel so tense though, every single muscle in my body is tense. I dont think it'll stop until mum comes home.

 

[Zane]

I MISSED MY 10 YEAR TBT ANNIVERSARY !!

T____T

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

Woke up to buzzing sounds and there's a big-ass wasp on my window. How the hell did it get there? Anyway, I came back with a fly swatter, watched it crawl around for a few minutes, then it disappeared... Somewhere. I couldn't kill it 'cause I was too scared; I flinched every time it moved and I ****ing whimpered when I saw it up close?? Really wish I wasn't so scared of bugs (especially wasps) so I could've just dealt with it and be done. I don't think I'm going back to my room for a while. :x

 

[Suguri]

Woke up to buzzing sounds and there's a big-ass wasp on my window. How the hell did it get there? Anyway, I came back with a fly swatter, watched it crawl around for a few minutes, then it disappeared... Somewhere. I couldn't kill it 'cause I was too scared; I flinched every time it moved and I ****ing whimpered when I saw it up close?? Really wish I wasn't so scared of bugs (especially wasps) so I could've just dealt with it and be done. I don't think I'm going back to my room for a while. :x

OMG I feel you... I remember a few weeks ago I walked to my room and I saw this HUGE crane fly zooming around. (They remind me of spiders with wings... I'm arachnophobic) Guess what, I didn't kill it. I asked my family for help and they were useless; they just told me to be brave because I'm 16 years old. Thanks, guys... And then, I came back to my room and the crane fly disappeared. I was pretty scared that it would fly up to my face while I was sleeping for a few days...