What's Bothering You?

[SkyKnight03]

Late spring-early summer (may-june) gives me really bad seasonal depression.

We have a family gathering tomorrow. I just don't feel like it at all. It almost hurts.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

Spoiler

My parents straight-up told me "you need help". Not in a mean way, obviously, but I think they're disheartened by the fact that I don't seem to be getting better. I didn't have the heart to tell them that I was seeing someone, but I haven't been able to see my psychologists for weeks. At that point, I just feel like that there's no help for me and that all my attempts of bettering myself are useless...

Thankfully, my social worker is still there. My 'task' is to write a letter to my mom, about the things I wanted to say to her, then read it with my social worker and burn it afterwards. I guess it's a form of letting go. It just reminded me of something I thought of last year; I planned to visit my mom as an adult and have a serious talk about... Everything. But now it's too late, and I'm just sad that I never got to have that talk with her. I think it would've been good for both of us, but that chance has slipped away.

This is some pretty heavy stuff, so... Sorry. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not doing well, and I'm not getting better. I feel absolutely hopeless about my entire ****ing life. I've been told my adults that, "you have your whole life ahead of you!", but... It doesn't feel that way. I don't know.

 

[oak]

I started to gag during my partners award ceremony so I'm sitting outside trying to get some air. Idk why this keeps happening all month. I'm on a list for a new family doctor so hopefully it doesn't take months. I wasn't feeling good on the way over here but I was trying to ignore it cause it's a special day for my partner. At least I got to see them accept their award and then I got up and left which is probably rude to the other people receiving awards but oh well.

 

[Seastar]

Been feeling unwell every day and I am sick of it. There's not anything I can really do about it, either.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

having trouble sleeping, really missing a special someone right now

 

[Beanz]

delete

 

[Reginald Fairfield]

I think I'm starting to discern the smell of meth on people. On a coworker, with a new mohawk.

 

[Dunquixote]

Spoiler

My best friend finally replied an hour ago, but he didn’t even say happy belated birthday. He just asked why i needed a new switch and what was wrong with the controller i had got other than it being fake. I should be happy he replied at all yet I’m feeling butt hurt and this just killed my mood. I’m starting to have bad thoughts again too :/.

 

[Soigne]

i hate being a nostalgic person because what do you mean i feel sick when i think about 7 years ago.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

Spoiler

I'm thinking about my mom again. I don't know what's gotten into me, but I can't get her out of my mind. I wish we could've spent more time together. Of course, I didn't know that my "next visit" with her would've been in the hospital, and then her grave. I just keep thinking "I wish..." and "this could've happened...", but it's ultimately useless; Dwelling on the past won't bring her back.

I'm also thinking of something that happened a bit ago; Back in March/April, I wrote a memoir about my mom's death for an English assignment. My friend peer-reviewed it, and they told me: "If I were you, I wouldn't be sad about her death, especially with how she treated you". While I understand their point of view, I still think it was an insensitive thing to say. Sure, my mom hurt me... A lot. But I still love her unconditionally. Love is weird, though.

Despite all that, I still have things to do... I can't spend my time thinking about someone who's already long gone. But it also sucks that I have to push my thoughts and emotions aside for a ****ing thesis paper that I don't even want to work on. :x C'est la vie.

 

[Chris]

Snip

Most of us only get one mom. Even if she wasn't always the best mom, she was still your mom. Its normal to think about her often.

 

[Midoriya]

- snip -

As one of the other site members who has lost their mom, I understand the pain you're going through. It can be tough to deal with, and you shouldn't lessen the impact of it because of what anyone else says or does. After all, like Chris mentioned above me, she was your mom.

I'm sending the biggest virtual hug your way right now. Some days it's so hard, dude. But in the end there really are things we still have to focus on as long as we are living. Those are also things we can't take for granted as well.

 

[themysterybidder]

Snip

I can relate to your feelings. Even though my Mum passed back in October 2022, I still think about her every single day. There are days where I get by, and then out of the blue I can't stop crying. Your friend had no right to say that, as no-one has the right to tell you how to feel after losing someone. My DMs are open if you ever want to talk or someone to listen. Thinking of you.

 

[Croconaw]

Spoiler: tw stress vomit

I stressed myself out to the point of vomiting on Wednesday at work. I recently got confirmation that this was actually stress-induced… I also hadn’t eaten anything since Wednesday morning at the time of this post.

I sometimes feel like I’m asking too much or if I’m being inconsiderate of the old guy that’s been working here. There’s really no point in him being here any longer considering he can’t do most of the things his position requires of him… I’m sick of being the person that has to wait for his morning hours when he can’t physically do his job. I’m highkey thinking I need a job that is less stressful, or at least a job that I’ll be less affected by if the person working before me isn’t on his game (ie: Cashier).

I hated having to hear it from people that “this’ll happen at every job you work at” but it won’t. Can’t get ****ed with a workload when all you’re doing is working a register… I hated having people telling me to suck it up because that’s what being an adult is. I hate doing all of this **** he can’t do because everyone helps him. He can’t do his job? Others do it for him and he doesn’t get his hours cut. I’ve been patient waiting for him to either be hurt on the job or for him to quit. But I don’t know if I can do this much longer. I can’t take this. I suppose someone else threatening to quit because of him wasn’t enough of a red flag?

Edit: I’m eating now for the first time since Wednesday…

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

Deleted.

 

[Shawna]

This is one of the reasons why I want to move out and be independent, so I can do most stuff (like chores) at my own pace without my parents dictating what I do.

I feel ya. I still have a long way to go, but I want to get my own place later on down the road for many reasons. One of them mainly boils down to the fact that I tend to clash very severely with my dad and my brother (who I currently live with).

My dad is an early bird; I'm a night owl
My dad and my brother love dogs; I hate them.
My dad and my brother are chaotic; I like my peace.
My dad likes vacations (to some extent); I rather avoid them.

And similar to what you said, I tend to do things at my own peace, and occasionally my dad will rush me.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

Spoiler: ...

I can't ****ing take it anymore. That's all I have to say, really. Everyone's telling me, "it's gonna get better", but it's not. I feel hopeless as ever, and I don't think my mental health is ever gonna improve. And sorry for posting so soon. I think I'm in the middle of a crisis, or something. I don't know what to do with myself.

I feel like I have no one to talk to. My friends become worried or uncomfortable when I vent. My psychologist isn't even there. I don't even want to know how my family would react if they knew I was in this much emotional turmoil. I hate feeling so isolated and alone and I just want to get better.

 

[Dunquixote]

Spoiler

I just woke up from a pretty scary dream and I’m still feeling miserable. After the hide and seek session, I just broke down and cried. I was still hurt because my best friend didn’t wish me a happy belated birthday, and feeling hurt about something else that I thought I had moved on from for the most part. I’m starting to think too that I’m more stressed from the event than I realize. I was happy earlier seeing I’m halfway to being able to get a collectible but at the same time, bummed how long it took me to get just halfway.

Also thinking about my game cartridges again. I really hope I can find them and that my ex didn’t sell them.

I want to play my pokemon violet but I’m feeling so overwhelmed (seeing mass outbreaks on my map but not sure how to reach them, and also all the icons on ny map isn’t help. i don’t know what some of the icons even mean), mostly because I’m stressed and also just not feeling good enough to play.

 

[Reginald Fairfield]

I believe the Sonichu medallion is cursed based on a couple of youtube creators receiving one then going down a bit of a self destructive path. One is idubbz.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

Spoiler: maniaaaaa

I woke up bright an early today, having a lot of energy and feeling enthusiastic and watching funny videos and laughing a lot, and I thought it was all fine and dandy until I realized... I'm dealing with another manic episode.

but I have to give myself credit, because this time around I actually identified it early on. sometimes I go through this for weeks and I don't know what is wrong with me and I feel like an awful person, but then once I come down from mania I realize that those things I was feeling—panic, fear, urgency, anxiety, extreme enthusiasm and energy—are all symptoms of mania for me. if I can't identify it while it's happening then I don't know how to help myself, but now that I have identified it early on, I can take steps to make sure that I don't make it worse, much like how you can't get rid of depression but you can do some basic self-care stuff to make it more bearable.
I started my morning with a lot of stimulation, but I think for the rest of today I'm gonna maintain low auditory stimulation (white noise and videos on low volume), low visual stimulation (keeping window curtains mostly but not entirely closed, dark computer screens), and I'll try to keep other stimulation at a minimum. I'll also try to not let my anxious and panicky thoughts run rampant.

sometimes I think about going through my whole life as a mentally ill person, and it just... it sucks so much. but I'm thankful to have some really amazing people who love me just for who I am, and even though it can be hard for me to love myself when I'm manic (or depressed), I do and I always will.


also random but it blows my mind that some people choose to not be treated for bipolar and they deal with depression so they can have the added "benefit" of dealing with mania. like I get that it gives you a lot of energy and enthusiasm but like, what's the real benefit? I'm almost always miserable when I'm manic. I'd rather be treated for it and not deal with either depression or mania. I wish I had a medication I could take for mania.