What's Bothering You?

me looking at all my unanswered messages and convos cuz i’ve been unable to find the mental energy to write a sentence for months
IMG_6633.jpeg
 
Ive wanted to sob all day today. Doesnt help that Ive been doing a lot of my activism work today so naturally, Ive watched a lot of harrowing videos today. Im having a hard time holding it in, I just need my partner to come home.
 
i hate spending moneeeeeeyyyyyyy ugh. i just bought a car and i KNOW i needed to get a new one for my own safety, but man :\ having a car payment is a harsh reality i have not had to deal with in years. that + student loans still looming over me. ugh.
i will get over it eventually.
 
I'm not really happy about Father's Day anymore since my father went into a mid-life crisis and moved out of the house back in 2014, it has just been me and my mom living in the house ever since. The situation got so bad that we once ran away to a state fair to escape from our troubles. At least my father is much nicer and he doesn't act hostile anymore, but it still hurts to be reminded about Father's Day and seeing other people around with their fathers to this day.

I'm still in contact with my father, he now lives in a house near mine. Even though I'm not close with him, I still sent him his Father's Day wishes via text messaging.

But my mom has it much worse...her father had MS and died of a heart attack when she was only 8-years-old. It sucks never being able to meet my grandfather.
 
The stress from moving again next week plus having a decent amount of coffee this morning has made me super stressed and anxious. I think I’m going to cut caffeine and just drink decaf until I’m settled in my new place and I’m not stressed anymore.
 
MY GOODNESS some people are exhausting! I am a very positive and fun person and I really enjoy playing games with my friends. Tonight I was gonna play Splatoon with one of my good friends and then a friend from a club at our school. Me and my good friend love playing Splatoon and its always fun but with this other kid..... Wow he has some anger issues. I have never been told to k**l myself, have someone tell me "i'm not a functioning member of society", and then attack my cultural background in a game session. This was too much for me and he had done this many times in the past and I was over it. I blocked him on my phone and defriended him on Switch because I refuse to surround myself with people who can't treat others with basic respect.
 
I'm just an emotional mess right now, so I hope some stuff I say actually makes sense. I just got into an argument with my stepmom (about something minor, no less) and I'm just ****ing done. I don't even have the energy to type it all out. I'm tired of being told by my own family: "Stop crying", "you're acting like a [insert expletive]", "there's something wrong with you", and "you need help". I'm tired of being told my life is perfect and that I have no reason to be upset when my mom's dead, I feel inadequate/unwanted, I'm struggling with my mental health, and I can't even stand the people around me IRL.

Why tell me to look for help when my problems don't get fixed? That ****ing psychologist saw me once and that was it, no matter how many times I scheduled meetings. I poured my heart out about issues I NEVER told anyone and she leaves me in the dust. My family asks me what's wrong and they get mad at me when I tell them. "That's stupid, you shouldn't be upset about that".

I'm embarrassed about how I acted. I sobbed in front of my family and all I get is, "stop ****ing crying and listen to me". I'm done.
 
its that time of the month again where my emotions get super out of wack even more than they already usually are !! fun

ive also been super mentally drained and haven't been wanting to talk to anyone except 1 person so when that 1 person is not around i feel super lonely and i cant get my **** together and just go reach out and talk to them because i feel like they don't want to talk to me or something. i wish my mental issues would just go away im so damn miserable all the time and its even worse now
 
Mr_Keroppi said:
Beepboop
Click to expand...
With friends like that who needs enemies. You did the right thing blocking them. Sometimes you just need to cut ties with horrible people otherwise they will never learn the errors of their way. They probably were brought up that way so most likely the adults in their life aren't any better. I'm sorry you had to deal with that and that it ruined what you wanted to be a peaceful and fun game night. I've had friends like that and other friends that changed so drastically because of the social media that they consumed that they became super hateful.


Hurray my stalker is back. I thought they were gone for good. Filming and watching me at all times and literally staking out in their truck. Trying to call the cops on me all times for stuff that has nothing to do with me. I don't know why they even chose me or why some people are just that petty and miserable. Is your life really that pathetic???
 
My cousin is autistic and loves birthdays. He's always reminding me of my birthday coming up.

...I kinda feel terrible because I'm not going to be home for a few days. It means I won't see him on my birthday.

So I want to give him a gift. I realize the backwards nature in that. (searching a gift for someone else on my own birthday) but I think it would be soothing. Maybe I'll get him a new video game. Or I'll take him to lunch before I leave.

He's actually been on my mind more than I would like to admit. I think I've grown a soft spot for him and the sudden guilt is starting to hit me.
 
not to get too political but Glenn Beck is so ****ing annoying lol
he claims that people are complaining about U-turn signs bc its "homophobic". literally no one is saying that lol. if they are then they're just attention-seeking and potentially trying to make LGBT+ people look bad.
I mean he's not stupid by any means, he knows the value of being true to yourself in regards to politics. but I'm still keeping a very close eye on bias.

also can't understand people who get offended when the US is called a republic, like... it is a republic lol? maybe they equate "republic" to "republican" for some reason, I really don't know. 😅

also also hate when people say things that make them seem unbiased (like when Beck said "don't look for whether someone is R or D, whether they support Trump or Biden, look for the law"), making you think, "oh yeah, hes unbiased, I can trust him", and then go and say some really biased stuff. are you trying to trick people into thinking you're unbiased? that doesn't sit right with me. this is why I don't listen to people talk abt politics.

(please don't quote/reply, I'm not looking to argue opinions, I'm just musing.)

edit: bruh I can't believe my dad listens to this stuff literally all day, like 💀 this is miserable haha
 
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I lost my wallet, are you actually serious right now 🫠

edit: found it, it was in my dad's car. I figured it must've fallen out of my backpack. but I was already so frustrated from this morning, mostly because of the heat wave, and losing my wallet was yet another thing causing me stress. I'm thinking about getting a GPS locator for my wallet so this doesn't happen again.
 
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