What's Bothering You?

So, to those who know me well, know I have ALWAYS ALWAYS loved One Direction. I found out that Liam Payne from 1D passed away today. I am very upset. I have been crying hysterically for the past hour and a half. I need to get off the internet for today because every time I see his face or see another article— I just burst into tears again. He wasn’t my favorite, and I know he’s been problematic in recent years (according to his ex), but I am SO devastated. The little girl in me is so sad.
 
if im being quite honest, i don't know at all. that's the problem. i have no idea why for most of the day these past few days i just feel an overwhelming sadness. ive just been crying randomly out of nowhere. this morning, i attended a virtual appointment at a mental health hospital for OCD/anxiety, where i was diagnosed with OCD and they said they would send the assessment to my doctor to look through. i was smiling throughout the whole appointment. later on in the day, i just felt so so sad for no reason and started crying. i went to call the neurologist right after my appointment and they are currently closed for a week, so i have to wait for that. i don't know what's going on with my anxiety and panic attacks, and if they will be addressed in my next appointment with my doctor. i just want to always feel happy, content, but for some reason my brain won't allow me to feel that way for very long at all recently. i just want to find out the reason because i am so, so tired.
 
My aunt having an alcoholic rage episode on an otherwise uneventful Wednesday.

She gets into these weird delusions about everybody wronging her.

(like, she cites me as being a bad influence on her kids. despite me being normally quiet and never doing anything to her kids).

it is not fun to be around. and it's not fun to be demeaned or used in her drunken rants when I quite literally haven't done anything at all.

oof :c
 
Was called to gave to buy milk for the shop so that caused me to be even longer to work, forgot my umbrella and will be giving then a receipt
He was lucky I saw the message.
I dunno I just don't feel the best of moods today for no reason
My youngest has bothered my ginger cat who has moved from their original spot and I just hope they get the chance to move back
 
I think part of my problem is that I'm basically watching my mum slowly die right in front of me, and there's little to nothing that I can do about it. I feel so helpless, even with all her tests and doctors visits. she might need to have another surgery soon and, realistically thinking about it, she may not come out of it alive. she's already suffered two collapsed lungs from her last surgery and she's had trouble breathing ever since. and it seems like her issues never end, she's basically suffering and she's not living a good quality life because she's constantly being held back by health issues. she has so many surgeries that need to be done and so many underlying issues that have developed over the years. I don't know if she will ever be able to live a decent life again.

and I just have to sit here and watch her suffer. there's nothing I can do.

I don't know what'll happen with her next inevitable surgery. I'm feeling devastated and numb at the same time. I feel like I'm bracing myself for the day when the doctor tells us that we've lost her. I don't know. 😞
 
lowkey scared that i’ll be roasted during critque tomorrow. the assignment was to create something abstract out of the presented still life but what if i made it TOO abstract compared to other people? it’s a tad bit embarrassing to stand up in front all these other students who might be confused by it and they seem like they have more experience than me. i’m praying i get a good grade because i already have a C in that class and painting isn’t my expertise.
 
The Halloween event is tomorrow, but I don't see anything to be happy about. Something happened to my love at that time last year and I won't stop thinking about them. 😞 If you can send them your condolences by then, I would appreciate it. A lot.

And that's not all. School's been weighing down on me, so even if I still want to participate, I won't have time anyway because of my assignments.

This really stinks...
 
Waking up and finding out Liam Payne, who was from One Direction had passed yesterday was not something I'd thought I'd hear.

R.I.P Liam,
His poor family 😢
This has gotten to me too.

I was never a 1D fan. I watched the TV show he arose to fame on, but I was already outside the demographic his band was marketed at when it aired. But it is still shocking news. I heard he'd passed from my mum over lunch today and her first comment was, "He's younger than you." It is devastating for someone that young to die so suddenly like that. :(
 
I think my switch lite died. Not sure what to do. I only play my second island on it so not worth getting a second switch (just bought my new switch in May).

Some other stuff is bothering me. I don’t know what to do about this either. I’m afraid to talk to anyone about it since it might just make things worse and me more stressed and upset than I am.

Please no dms or discord messages or comments.
 
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