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What's Bothering You?

Lately, I've been considering giving up on zine making altogether. Ever since I discovered zines you can just look up what a zine is since it's kinda hard for me to explain, I always thought about making some zones of my own. Hell, I even thought about selling my zines to make money as a little side hustle.

The only problem is that I haven't made not one ****ing zine! I've been super busy with work, and I feel like my ideas aren't good enough. Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a zine maker. There's always going to be a zine that's better than mine anyways.
 
I am feeling old (partially because I am). I was ahead of my time in the early days of computers and technology. I knew all of the DOS commands on early home computers, when nobody knew any of that.

But now... I can barely figure out how to navigate all of the games/apps and the basic details like connecting with someone else for a live game of AC or Chess, or anything...

It's depressing.
 
Hey I don't make zines but I know that mindset all too well. It kept me from enjoying my hobby of drawing for so long until recently. 🫂

I understand you may not have enough time because of your job. But when you do have enough to spare, don't let your insecurities stop you from pursuing your ideas. I'm sure there are people out there who'll truly appreciate whatever you make. There is no such thing as a perfect zine. Or a perfect thing, really. Do what you love, and love what you do. It should be all that matters, after all.
 
I kind of just found out something about my psychologist and I shouldn’t have been seeing her for so long at all and if she could just have spoken with me like an adult about it then a lot of pain, both then and in the future could have been avoided. I’m going to be reeling, this is her job and it just reaffirms my distrust in people again.

I was curling up and crying for a while over that. Apparently very real PTSD is just… not enough to have had a clear discussion about where things were going. I don’t feel like I’m good enough for people to respect me.

Also nondescript relationship issues. It should be enough to have each other’s company, I’ve wanted some things for a long time that are not happening because of circumstance and it’s been hurting me a lot. Oh well.
 
Just slightly irritating, but whenever I try and watch the Pokemon crystal walkthrough ive been watching as I play, so some MAD reason, the video is just blurred every-single-time.
I reload, its fine for a few seconds, then goes back to blurred. All my other youtube videos I am on, are not blurring.
I delete cookies of other sites, I turn my laptop off and on again. STILL BLURRY

Its insane, its not the persons video either because unfortunately I would find out via watching it on my switch instead, I say unfortunately because it means thats probably the only way to watch it now.
 
I have a big-ass headache that's bothering me. I get headaches every day anyway, but it's worse than usual. There's nothing more I want to do than sleep it off (especially since I went to bed at 6 AM...), but I'm also trying to fix my sleep schedule so it's only going to worsen that problem. I have to go to the pharmacy to get a renewal for my meds, yet I can't even bring myself to wash the dishes. I'm so tired and my head hurts too much.

I'm also worrying about my future again. I had a talk about it with my parents last night, and I just burst into tears out of pure stress and frustration. No matter what path I choose, I'm going to be stressed and miserable. I don't see the point of life, and I'm scared of growing up. My 18th birthday is less than a month away, but I still feel like a damn kid. I wish I was more sure of myself and didn't stress so easily, especially when the smallest of setbacks could cause me to have a crisis.
 
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