What's Bothering You?

Following AI developments from articles, books, and using them a bit myself over the last several months has made me so terrified for the future.

I don’t think we’re getting “AGI” or “sentience” by 2028 like all the tech CEOs claim, but I do think this technology will continue to rapidly improve and little good will come out of it.

The internet will continue to get worse from bots and AI generated content infesting everything, a lot of jobs are going to be replaced, misinformation and scams are about to become a lot worse, and reading comprehension is about to become less common since a lot of people will just have AI turn everything into bullet points for them.

In just four months Nvidia will release a $3000 PC for the general public with LLMs built into it. We are officially entering the 1970s in terms of AI adoption. Who knows what will happen once these computers become cheaper? Token limits will be a thing of the past. This horrifying technology will be everywhere and it feels like most people don’t see what’s coming.
 
I just sent a lengthy email to my therapist explaining how worthless I feel. I never try to attract attention, but I've become such a bland and uninteresting being that it's resulted in my friends leaving me and my talents mostly going unnoticed. Like, I want to try and make cool things, but the few times I share always results in disappointment feedback-wise. I don't view external positivity the same anymore. It doesn't really make me feel better. Nowadays, it takes a lot of effort and motivation to get a genuine positive emotion out of me. I don't know who or what to blame. It's caused me to end up in an endless anxiety circle where I'm told to take the first step and do something about it, but a random negative thought will always cause me to chicken out. Every. Single. Time.

Why do I always feel like no one is giving me actual, helpful advice on how I can meet new friends? I'm literally by myself at this point. It's essentially me against the world, and everyone wants me to suffer. It doesn't help that I keep hearing about society slowly descending into madness, so who knows if there's anyone left that shows genuine sympathy for my problems. Everyone only cares about themselves, and it really does show with my lack of friends and relationships. It sucks.
 
Super annoyed right now and not going to be able to get sleep anytime soon because of my sensitivity to smoke. My parents had a fire in the backyard (because they love doing that for some reason) and the half of the house where my bedroom is strongly smells like fire. My throat has been sore for hours. It could possibly take all day for the house to air out. I was already struggling with sleep and this is the last thing I should have to deal with. I am sick of living in this stupid house.
 
the psychiatrist I saw yesterday put me on a new medication, and so far it's making me feel worse. I'm so nauseous and so, so anxious. I can't stop yawning, but I can't fall asleep feeling like this. this is gonna be a bad night.
threw up twice yesterday, and I still feel so, so sick. I was able to get in touch with my psychiatrist and he told me to stop taking the med + to come see him on monday, but my god... this is actually the worst thing that could've happened to me right now, I did not need this. I was already struggling.

I've never reacted like this to any medication before, ever, and this is awful. I already have such bad medical anxiety, and now trying to get myself to take any med I'm not familiar with is going to be much harder. I'm terrified now. It's apparently going to take 15 days for this one 5mg pill to leave my body entirely, and it's only been 32 hours.

I still feel so nauseous, and anti-nausea meds aren't helping much. My body is hungry, but I'm not. The thought of eating anything makes me feel worse. I'm able to keep water down so far, and I was able to eat a slice of bread yesterday, but this sucks so bad. My head is killing me, but I don't have any pain meds that are safe to take. I also can't stop trembling.

I don't feel good at all. : (
 
I pre-booked a taxi for this morning. It was late. I waited with two 4.5 month old kittens in -7C weather for an hour. We were over a half hour late to the vet, but thankfully, they were understanding - I kept them updated via phone calls.

Sebastian has had his surgery and is awake. 🥳
Delta is currently having his. 😬

I've been holding my jaw so tense for hours that it actually hurts to eat bread.
 
My sinuses are making my head feel funny still and my cough still hasn’t gone away, though the cough medicine has helped reduce it by a lot.

Struggling a bit with some personal stuff.

Also, more minor. I had some bad customer support again from hoyolab. I feel like in the first reply, they don’t really read the whole context or content I message them about since their response is different especially after I show them a screenshot contradicting what they say.

No comments or dms please.
 
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This morning, I found out that people have been spreading rumors that I made out with three different people, on three different occasions, in the school bathrooms. I don't know who they were/are saying I was doing that with, but I know that none of them were my boyfriend. Speaking of my boyfriend, the same people have been talking about us in group chats and saying we should... I think you all can fill in the rest.

I don't understand what I did to bring this on, and I don't know how and why they came up with that. I am polyamorous, but my boyfriend is well aware and fine with it. I haven't told anyone except him and a few very close friends. I'm hoping that the reason for these rumors isn't because that information got out. It is also important to mention that I'm asexual, and even the thought of making out with my boyfriend, let alone anyone else, makes me sick to my stomach.

All I've done is be openly queer, be friends with the stereotypical "weirdos", and call people out on their BS. I don't see anything wrong with that. My friends did nothing wrong, my boyfriend did nothing wrong, none of us did anything wrong. I usually laugh off their remarks and carry on, but this has gone too far. My best friend's trying to get the admin to address this, but this has been happening for months. The most that anyone's done for us is our gym teacher sending a request to switch us into another P.E. class, back when this was a simpler issue with just two girls harassing our group of four and not the majority of the student body against the whole huge friend group. That email hasn't been answered and it's only been getting worse.

I want to tell my mom, dad, or anyone in my family about this, but I don't know how much I can say without outing myself. I might talk to some trusted teachers on Monday, but I doubt anything will happen. The only good part of this is that we're all graduating this year, so my likelihood of seeing most of them again is slim.
 
There’s a reason why I avoid watching news channels completely. If something bad is talked about consistently, even if it doesn’t affect me, I’ll start feeling anxious and suffer major mood swings. I let it affect my mood on Thursday night, and it darn near affected my mood again tonight. It usually goes away after a few days if I don’t hear about or see a bad topic again, but certain bad events mentioned on a consistent daily basis by pretty much everyone causes me to develop a mixed feeling of annoyance, anger, fear and sickness.

I do not want negative news to give me anxiety attacks, but unfortunately, the same things are still being indirectly mentioned by the outlets I usually turn to in order to avoid hearing about them again. I might start using my phone’s personal do not disturb feature more often if this keeps up.
 

I know this was yesterday, but I just wanted to say that a LOT of your posts have made deep impressions on me, whether you meant to or not. I can relate to you on a lot of things, especially with feeling bland and uninteresting and not having friendships or connections in-real-life. I only have two friends left, one of them is out-of-state and I never get to spend time with him anymore because of it, and the other only ever wants to go to sports games. A lot of other friendships I've had have petered out over time.

I just wanted to say I feel your pain and can understand it, and it makes me more sad than I already was as of writing this. I sat here crying for the past 10-15 minutes, and then started up again after reading your post again.

Believe me when I say you are absolutely not worthless. Just from reading your posts I can sense that you have a great sense of humor, you're good at expressing yourself, and you always have interesting things to talk about. If I was anywhere near where you live I wouldn't mind being your friend at all. You seem like an amazing person and I think it'll just take the right people to notice that in order for you to have new friendships/connections. In the meantime I just hope you're able to have more peace of mind in general. Thank you for being you. 💚

(I know this seems like a really unprompted response, but I felt like I had to say something. Take it or leave it)
 
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