What's Bothering You?

doing dishes is really hard when my psoriasis is flaring up bc the heat from the hot water makes my hands itch/hurt 😞
I at least got about half of them done, thank goodness. I'll have to do the other half tomorrow.
 
I had a specialist appointment this morning over the phone and I said to him that I had been to another specialist in between times and he seemed kinda offended lol. It never crossed my mind that I should’ve asked for a phone consult since he lives in a different city but I kinda wish I did because the two specialists I’ve seen have opposite opinions.
 
My weekend that I was looking forward to? Wasted and ruined. Hopefully next weekend will be better. But it won't be, because that's when the funeral is scheduled..... Also, my back hurts A LOT.
 
I had a sore throat the past two days so I took a covid test and tested positive :/ I'm glad my only symptom is a sore throat but this is terrible timing with stuff going on with school to have to quarantine...
 
I had a sore throat the past two days so I took a covid test and tested positive :/ I'm glad my only symptom is a sore throat but this is terrible timing with stuff going on with school to have to quarantine...
Oh no get well soon! Keeping you in my thoughts over here <3
 
My parents think everything i say to my younger brother is "mean." he was upset about something, so i told him that it wasn't a big deal. i said it casually with no attitude or rudeness in my tone. my mom then says, "don't be mean to him." how was that mean?! i swear she babies him because he's the youngest. everything i do or say is always "rude."

edit because forgot to add this: i went into his room to explain what i meant, and he was just like, "i don't know why you're still talking." i explained why i didn't want to play the game he wanted to play, and he goes, "ok bye." extremely rude. i feel like no one in my family takes me seriously or gives me any respect. I'm a human too, i have feelings. being spoken to rudely hurts me.
 
I tried texting my mom for Mother’s Day, but the message didn’t go through. ._.

According to my dad, she was having issues with her phone. I just hope my mom understands, and realize it’s these issues fault.

She can be very high maintenance and ***** about me not giving her enough attention. -_- ;-;
 
The sudden urge to watch Poofesure is strong, but I don't have enough time to do that right now. 🙃 It really sucks, because I was so busy this weekend I didn't have much time to do that. Guess I'm pulling an all-nighter like I did a few days ago. 🤷‍♀️
Also, I cannot stand my family. For once, I'm kinda excited for school so I can stay away from them, at least for a quarter of my day.
Something happened between me and my brother earlier, I don't wanna go into too much detail, but we fought physically...
 

Hey, I just wanted to say that that's a really cool dream you have with weight-lifting and everything. Don't let what others say keep you from achieving that. Just keep at it and don't give up. If you develop your muscles pretty well you'll be ahead of even me to be honest. One of the most important things I learned from my trainer in the brief time I spent with him working out last year is to not give up when lifting weights until your muscles fail, as that's how you build them. Lift, have them fail, put the weights down, finish your workout, consume protein (even from a vegetarian diet), and repeat. You can do this. I believe in you.

---

I'm just crying again because I miss my mom.
 
I think I figured out why the inside of my ankle has been sore ever since I had surgery. I saw the xray of my ankle today and the screw goes right through my fibula and tibia, so much so that breaks through to the inside of my ankle. The screw poking through is probably the pain that I've been feeling in that area lmao
 
i made myself a nest on my floor while i wait for my mattress cover to dry and I'm underneath my comforter thats still warm from the dryer and I'm stuck. I cant move because its just too comfortable. one of my rabbits have come to sit on top of me and i just don't care. I've worked 50 hours this week and i didn't take my meds today which makes me feel extra sleepy.
 
Sometimes, I think that my whole existence or life is just a dream. Like this is just a dream of a person or whatever. I don't know... I just feel that... Unexpected things happened to me recently...
 
Tenosynovitis flare-up. I've so much paperwork to do today and my body responds with pain before we even begin.

Also, petty complaint, but it's raining. Today is the one day I needed it to be dry weather! The mohawk cannot survive this volume of rain and humidity. I've a public event to go to tonight where I need to make a good impression. Higher-ups I've not personally spoken to yet will be there, including people from the team I'm joining this week. I also invited the girl I've been seeing recently as my date and she let me know we are likely to run into her flatmate tonight too because it turns out they work in one of our labs. The pressure is on and my ability to resist the bar will be tested. Having to wear my hair flat will impact my confidence, as bizarre as it might sound! Hm, after writing it all out like this maybe the rain is not really the reason I'm anxious after all.
 
may 9th and it's 49 degrees outside. I'm so disappointed in ohio rn.

my dad wasn't kidding when he said the weather will suddenly flip like a switch: it'll be cold the first half of May and then suddenly it's 86 degrees and 100% humidity every single day 😒
 
i decided to pick up a shift on wednesday because i have almost nothing to do in school but like. i'm busy with being mentally ill so i'm low key like "i should not pick up more shifts bc i gotta do x disordered behavior for hours every day" BUT i also need money and work is a good distraction and keeps me on my feet and things like that. so idk. i'm a little Ambivalent abt it all.
 
I know it's terrible to start the day off complaining, but last night was hellish. 9PM: My poor lil girl tripped and fell on her teeth running in the hallway and we had to rush to the ER (they think her mouth is fine, but her teeth are definitely not in the same alignment and I am dreading the dental visit this morning). This is after we had driven for 3 hours to get home, so we were already tired. My son was freaking out, too, and didn't get any positive attention because we spent so much of the day admonishing him for bad behavior. Everyone was dragged to bed after midnight on a school night! On top of everything, the smoke alarms decided to go off at 4AM.
I am so drained and I just want everyone on Earth to be happy and healthy. 😭😭😭
(And all that on my birthday sheesh).
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So, I got an e-mail response from Dutch customs.... Guess what it was some copy-paste crap about me needing to contact the courier, which the store I purchased from already did, and the courier replied to store that I had to contact customs myself. So yeah I did, it just goes around like that. I honestly lost all hope of ever getting that package honestly and if it doesn't move soon I'll have to contact that store, again.
 
My co worker called in sick and my work asked if I can help out today with her client and my response was to stomp my foot like a little kid. I'm exhausted and she needs a lot more care than I can give. I ignored the text while i drove to work. when I got there they sent a message saying they are sending someone which the client doesn't like, but its for the best. I feel over worked as it is. I already work from 8-6:30 and my entire body feels like its protesting. Someone else can deal with all of that work it feels bad saying that, but I'm just done.

i feel nauseas now. My breakfast isnt settling in my stomach.
 
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