What's Bothering You?

Thank you that it sweet of you to say so, it's really just my name and pants 😅

I'm really mostly interested in changing it because it is my steam/discord name and I'd like something different for here

Well, you do you. Change it if you want, it's not like anyone here is forcing you to change it. If it helps, you could just shorten it to Deana but it's just a suggestion, like I said before, you do you
 
Well, you do you. Change it if you want, it's not like anyone here is forcing you to change it. If it helps, you could just shorten it to Deana but it's just a suggestion, like I said before, you do you

I very well may do that I'm just awful at making decisions 🙈 even not very important ones such as this lol
 
idk if I'm just overreacting but seeing people on Instagram hate white people just for being white really hurts me and I know it's not as bad as racism against poc but it's really been affecting me terribly to the point ive started believing I'm a terrible person for being white and my mental health has already been horrible and I did try blocking the account which has been affecting me but i still feel really bad and plus on top of my mental health already being bad and being sick it's just really not good and I'm not sure those people who say things like that know how badly it can affect people man I'm legitimately crying because of all of it
 

Yeah, unfortunately there seems to be hate on both sides when I wish there wasn’t. :/ I wish there was more love and peace in the world, and friendliness between people. The only thing I or anyone really can do is to set an example by treating everyone with decency and friendliness, without even thinking about discriminating against anyone. I’m sorry that those people made you cry. I hope you feel better soon. 💛 (this is Midoriya btw, lmao)
 
The second moderna knocked me and some coworkers out for a day. Not saying that's bad, just suggesting to people in general not to make plans the day after.
 
thank you so much man ❤️ i really wish that everyone could just love each other and be nice despite skin color too, i feel like people get so caught up in fighting racism that they just end up being racist and hypocritical themselves and try to justify it by saying "oh white people wanna be oppressed so bad reverse racism doesn't exist lol" even if that were the case I don't understand the need to make fun of people for their skin color white or not, i wish everyone could get along
 
I forgot to take my antidepressant again. The withdrawal was awful all day. It doesn’t help my obsessive thoughts, but it generally lessens my negative emotions.

I’ve started to outline a novel idea that’s been in the back of my mind for a while. Without revealing too much, the story about an autistic teenager that is dealing with toxic people in their life. A part of writing it is to cope with the years of trauma, but it’s also to share what being autistic is actually like. There’s always been a huge shortage of characters on the spectrum, especially ones that are three dimensional so I’m more than happy to write one.
 
I can't believe how fragile my nails are. No wonder that I keep biting them to have them super short.
Due to not feeling my fingers a lot lately, I didn't have the urge to bite them, so they grew a bit.. and
with that I mean they are about 0,2mm long.. so not long at all. However, my nails are so freaking fragile
that they are easily bending and today I was cleaning a bit and one of the nails bend so much, that it was
actually bleeding. Don't think I ever had my nail bend that much before. That hurts and now I know for sure
that I will never want long nails ever again. (And yes, I took vitamins to have them stronger, as I was missing
some and doctor told me to take it to make them stronger.. didn't help anything. They are literally as flexible
as a piece of paper)
 
Ontario has a lot of northern forest fires right now. While I’m not near them personally the smoke has made it’s way to the area I live. I was outside for lunch yesterday and it was beautiful and clear out. Later in the afternoon it started to get dark and smoky. I woke up this morning for my 45 min drive to work and it was super dark. The sun was an eerie orange circle that you could easily look at without hurting your eyes and you could see the smoke drift across it. It’s supposed to clear up a bit later today but it really is awful. I drove with my lights on this morning just to be safe.
 
  • Like
Reactions: oak
idk if I'm just overreacting but seeing people on Instagram hate white people just for being white really hurts me and I know it's not as bad as racism against poc but it's really been affecting me terribly to the point ive started believing I'm a terrible person for being white and my mental health has already been horrible and I did try blocking the account which has been affecting me but i still feel really bad and plus on top of my mental health already being bad and being sick it's just really not good and I'm not sure those people who say things like that know how badly it can affect people man I'm legitimately crying because of all of it
Yeah both are as dumb and really, I don't get why communities need to be so polarized and generalized and assuming everyone white is bad cause they're not black etc. Yeah, I had to unfollow a lot of account because they were posting passive-aggressive BLM stuff and god know what more. I've seen the same with a lot of LGBTQ+ people and accounts as well (not gonna repost/cite stuff here for reasons) but yeah they believe it's their right to hate on cis and/or straight people no reason other them, being that. Like how much do they actually know what other things that person might be?
 
So I quit my job when the pandemic started because my dads in the at-risk group for covid and I was a preschool teacher. He’s fully vaccinated now and I will hopefully be vaccinated soon too so now I’m looking for a job again.

The first childcare centre I worked at is hiring again and I’m on the fence about applying. I worked in their before & after school program with school aged kids and did some work within the childcare centre with the little ones as well. I left because I needed a full time job and I thought I might move out west but that didn’t pan out.

I loved the centre and I think it would be really lovely to work their again! But I’m also kind of nervous? I’m basically in the same boat that I was when I last worked there at 19. Which is kind of embarrassing. I still don’t have a degree. I still live at home. I still don’t drive. It just makes me feel a little weird to think about.
 
Ontario has a lot of northern forest fires right now. While I’m not near them personally the smoke has made it’s way to the area I live. I was outside for lunch yesterday and it was beautiful and clear out. Later in the afternoon it started to get dark and smoky. I woke up this morning for my 45 min drive to work and it was super dark. The sun was an eerie orange circle that you could easily look at without hurting your eyes and you could see the smoke drift across it. It’s supposed to clear up a bit later today but it really is awful. I drove with my lights on this morning just to be safe.
You're experiencing this as well, right? I only found out about the forest fires yesterday and it's a little saddening, to be honest. No wonder why I smelled something funny when I left the house and that the skies weren't that clear, even today. Even the air quality has gone bad. I really hope this will pass very soon. I'm not near those forest fires, but the smoke can really go far to the southern part of the province.
 
The lack of rain in my area is causing rivers amd waterfalls fo dry up, but the worst part is livestock farmers are having to put their animals down, because it's so dry...
 
Today was the first day of something I have to be doing for the next two weeks. I’m already so tired from just today, I’m not sure how I’m going to keep making it.
 
Cleaning this place is such a waste of time. I’ve just swept and mopped the floor and there’s bugs already crawling all over it. I hate coming here and I can’t wait to go home and shower.
 
Here twice in one day, sorry about that 😅

I'm so frustrated. My dad's got it in his head that his painkillers are part of why he's not getting better? Like the painkillers are keeping him sore. And sure - if this pain was recent maybe it would be a different story but he's been in pain my whole life. He was in an accident when I was a kid and he never fully healed from it - chronic pain is something he deals with and I know it's hard for him. Obviously the being in pain part is hard but he also struggles with not being able to work and being dependent on disability.

He recently made the decision - without really talking to his doctor - to quit some of his pain medication cold turkey. The plan with the doctor was to get a lower dose of one of the medications and receive a higher quantity of the other one he's on to balance it out until he's weaned off of the first medication. Turns out the lower dose isn't covered by his disability so without consulting his doctor he just... took the higher quantity of the other medication and didn't get the lower dose of the other one.

It's rough. He's been taking his prescription pills, advil, naproxen, this other pain medication he was prescribed years ago, and he's drinking. Not huge amounts but the fact that he'll have taken painkillers and still sometimes have a can of beer isn't okay. But he does it anyways. He's convinced himself that because he isn't out of his prescription pills he's fine - ignoring the fact that he's taking other OTC medications and drinking to get by. And even then he's in terrible shape.

I asked him what the big plan is and he wants to get off both his prescription painkillers because it's "just withdrawals right now I'm not actually sore" when that's not true. It's just not. He's definitely going through withdrawals and the withdrawals are rough but that's not his only problem. He's got nerve damage for God's sake. It's not like he broke an arm, they put him on too strong of a painkiller and he became addicted but now his arm is healed. His nerve damage never went away.

I'm just so tired.
 
Here twice in one day, sorry about that 😅

I'm so frustrated. My dad's got it in his head that his painkillers are part of why he's not getting better? Like the painkillers are keeping him sore. And sure - if this pain was recent maybe it would be a different story but he's been in pain my whole life. He was in an accident when I was a kid and he never fully healed from it - chronic pain is something he deals with and I know it's hard for him. Obviously the being in pain part is hard but he also struggles with not being able to work and being dependent on disability.

He recently made the decision - without really talking to his doctor - to quit some of his pain medication cold turkey. The plan with the doctor was to get a lower dose of one of the medications and receive a higher quantity of the other one he's on to balance it out until he's weaned off of the first medication. Turns out the lower dose isn't covered by his disability so without consulting his doctor he just... took the higher quantity of the other medication and didn't get the lower dose of the other one.

It's rough. He's been taking his prescription pills, advil, naproxen, this other pain medication he was prescribed years ago, and he's drinking. Not huge amounts but the fact that he'll have taken painkillers and still sometimes have a can of beer isn't okay. But he does it anyways. He's convinced himself that because he isn't out of his prescription pills he's fine - ignoring the fact that he's taking other OTC medications and drinking to get by. And even then he's in terrible shape.

I asked him what the big plan is and he wants to get off both his prescription painkillers because it's "just withdrawals right now I'm not actually sore" when that's not true. It's just not. He's definitely going through withdrawals and the withdrawals are rough but that's not his only problem. He's got nerve damage for God's sake. It's not like he broke an arm, they put him on too strong of a painkiller and he became addicted but now his arm is healed. His nerve damage never went away.

I'm just so tired.
If you're looking for any input regarding your father's medications and how they might mix with alcohol, then you're welcome to shoot me a message with the details of them. My word isn't gospel, of course, but I'm knowledgeable on this topic.
 
I went to the dentist today and good news: they may have found the source of my pain. small irritation: “you know it’s that pop you drink.” -.- I know I know. 😔

Also still worried about some of my friends.

Wish something else would just go away permanently.

i hate the highlight text option in twitch.

I am watching a skyward sword stream and am bothered by all the throw the cat comments. i know it is a game but ugh. it just disgusts me. Not really enjoying the stream now :/

So crabby. I can’t remember if I took my medicine after I woke up from nap after the dentist appointment. I thought I did, so I guess I have to go through being crabby for the rest of the day. 😓
 
Last edited:
Back
Top