What's Bothering You?

[ZeldaCrossing64]

Spoiler: Might delete later

This past week has been really hard for me, with my mom being in the hospital and all. I woke up 3 hours ago and spent those 3 hours talking with my dad about various problems about many things (too personal to delve into online). I've been the most open about my life literally today. It's hard talking about these things and it's hard seeing my 41-year-old dad cry. I don't know when I'll be back in school because I'm just so tired and drained. I want to crawl under my covers and be away from my troubles for the next month. This is way too ****ing hard for me, and I just don't know what to do or how to feel anymore.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I really want to draw but I've also been awake since 5:40 this morning and I kinda want to go to bed

edit: also love when my parents continually refer to me as she/her with no shame or consequence, because they literally could not give less of a **** about my gender identity it's honestly pretty sad and pathetic at this point.

 

[Zane]

why do i ever get food from tim hortons, it’s gross like every time

 

[Dinosaur]

I played a competitive sport for ~15 years growing up and throughout university. I didnt think I would miss it but I miss it so so SO much.

 

[LuchaSloth]

My brother dropped off three big bags of clothes that he was getting rid of yesterday. I looked through it, had it spread out on my bed...kept some of it, got rid of some of it...woke up this morning...itchy all over. Covered in hives. Seems like too much of a coincidence. Clearly having a reaction to something from that clothes. I washed all my bedding and all the cloths this morning...but, it's obviously too late. I'm super itchy. Splotches all over. Not a fan.

 

[-Raven-]

So this is a little list of stuff that’s been on my mind

Spoiler

• Something is making me sick, probably in my room, still have bumps at the back of my throat. Could be how I swallow food but I can’t chew as much with braces and I thought I did plenty considering. Could be mouthwash? So I’m going to stop that for two weeks.
• My boyfriend still falling asleep, and my neighbour still blasting music.
• My granddad still being in the hospital.
• worried for my boyfriend but not knowing what to do at all
• not being allowed/able to walk to the park, since nobody will come with me.
• My psychologist not having my disability report ready weeks ago, it was expected a month ago.
• The overall feeling that all the stuff I went insane over 5-6 years ago trying to prevent ended up true. It’s not my fault. The crap that set all this in motion. #1 mistake by my parents was not letting me go that stupid drawing model art class - that was my peak bounce-back from trauma and peak energy they just wasted, and the world is a lot worse now
• generally any time i have even a little bounce-back, instead of someone being there and proud of me there is always something to piss me off be it my bf falling asleep on me, neighbours, or bad news. Camp 2023 was a massive bounce-back for me and it feels like its gone to waste since
• ^ tying into these any time i ask for minor help and make it a point to the people i should be closest with they just ignore my warning. I know i was reasonable, and all these things added up, everything is just crashing at once and forcing me back into mindset/pessimism i had years ago
• ^ also it seems like it just doesnt matter what i do in life considering my maximum effort ends up like this
• want to draw but suffering not being where i want, really stupid habits, no teacher, bad environment to study in, past failure
• I don’t know how to stop blaming myself now. Nobody else is going to take responsibility and actually have effective action, but I’m stuffing myself up now too since I’m taking on too much.
• why can i not put aside my ego?? i think having an ego is a trauma response from me to feel good about myself but it sure isn’t working
• it feels like a cruel joke after all this my parents dont argue anymore. That would be the easiest thing for me to put up with rn life just decides on literally everything else
• (just stomaching current aus politics + upcoming weather)
• honestly… soon im just gonna have a break from the whole net. no full return until next year. I still have enough to wrap up here that its annoying, and i know im going to be lonely. But when i did this years ago it was my best focus ever and for my own sake i need to try that again. If the camp era didnt pay off then idk how this will go
• general lack of words to explain everything i used to be so much more articulate

p.s. having an ego does not mean i think im the best. It means in my case i think i should be better because its ME

doing my best, ordered books and im wearing my fav clothes, trying to exercise, trying to draw even though it feels bad

i was so ready for 2023 to be my year and i put my max effort.

it only needed to be a little different to be a good year, and it’s honestly one of the worst years of my life. if i dont get disability support this year it will be absolutely bottom tier. It’s that close

 

[xSuperMario64x]

So this is a little list of stuff that’s been on my mind

snip~

I know we're kinda just random ppl on the internet but we really do care a lot about you here, even if no one else seems to. if you feel like you need a break then that's fine, you know what's best for you. and if you decide to do that, we will patiently await your return. I pray that you find the care and healing that you need, you're amazing and you deserve to be happy


one of my dearest friends is struggling a lot again. I don't usually post about things like these but I really do hope he knows—well, all of you guys too, my lovely friends—how much I love him, and wish him peace and strength to get through the day

 

[Croconaw]

I had an outburst over a week ago about my mom and her using feminine pronouns. She asked what I prefer, and I said “they/them.” She said I’m only one person and I’m not plural. She’s trying to understand and is trying to call me “Blue” which isn’t my chosen name but it’s one of my nicknames. She just doesn’t understand the pronouns thing. I use he/they but 95% of the time I prefer they. My deadname makes me want to barf.

 

[Bluelady]

I’m tired of my dad sending me money to buy birthday presents for my niece and nephew on the day of their birthdays. Stop treating my time as expansible! I don’t have time to get her something today. This is why I sent him the text message last week!!!!!!!

 

[oak]

Dont mind me just rambling

Spoiler

My friend who identified as a transman for 10 years have decided to do a full destransition so all our friends told her we're behind her 100%. It's been a couple months now and not 1 person has said anything bad or unsupportive but she's decided to become a giant terf and has turned against the lgbtq+ community. She said "can't we be friends with different opinions" but there were some anti-trans rallies in canada this week and she was totally supportive. She said non-binary isn't real and we're just looking for attention all my other friends who are trans wanna give her a second chance and try to bridge the divide and then there's me who felt an instant wedge between us. I'm shocked my friends are being so understanding. I went to bed mad af last night. I want to be supportive but she has this air of superiority over us, like she thinks I'm simple minded. Oh lawd this is too much

 

[deana]

Got yelled at by a customer for 30 minutes so that's more than enough human interaction for today but I still have 5 more hours of this shift to endure

 

[moonbyu]

had possibly the most embarrassing and annoying day yesterday i'm not looking forward to school next week at all because of how embarrassed i got

 

[daringred_]

wish i wouldn't have the worst taste in significant others

 

[Zane]

Tera raids are so freaking boring, I hate that it’s the only way to get herba mystica

Post automatically merged: Sep 23, 2023

Doesn’t help that I’m having terrible luck and not getting any

 

[CelesteandtheStars]

Having a hard day dealing with family stuff and I’m really happy it’s fall now and I want to do all the fall things (walks in the woods, apple picking, baking) but no one else cares to join.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

sinus headache

 

[Metal Scorpion]

I love being gaslit by family despite I'm disabled and can't work because of said disability!

 

[kisaker39]

its such a convenience to take comfort in sadness darkness and loneliness.

 

[-Apples-]

Just looking at those rides I designed in Roller Coaster Tycoon Classic remind me of how much I miss Disneyland. That feeling has struck me every day over the last few days. I haven’t gone since March 2019.

 

[VanitasFan26]

Feeling defeated.