What's Bothering You?

I feel like I shouldn’t have to tolerate being deadnamed. Someone asked me if they can call me my deadname because it’s easier for them. I understand because I haven’t said anything to that person until recently, but I feel like I’m making excuses for them. I shouldn’t expect an easy transition after knowing me for so long as a different name, but their response was just?? “Can I call you (insert deadname) because it’s easier for me?”

To be most comfortable at my job of all places regarding my identity feels weird to me. I should feel more comfortable with family, and with people I thought at one point were my friends, but I’m just not. My two best friends that are accepting of me, I met at work. Feels weird.
 
My mental health is floating down in a sewer somewhere. This year just won't stop being awful. I don't understand how so much negative stuff has happened in this three month span and how more bad stuff keeps continuing to happen. It's impressive, terrifying and unprecedented by all the years of life I've had prior to this. Like, seriously, what the hell? You'd think it would let up after a while, but nope.
 
I'm going on a short trip with my family on Friday. These are supposed to be fun. But I've had too many bad experiences with my family not getting along. Either somebody ends up crying or breaks down after a nasty fight. (can we have dinner once without a drunken rage). Being trapped in a restaurant booth in between this is such hell.

Last year I got hit in the face after trying to tell my aunt she shouldn't get behind the wheel intoxicated.

I seriously loathe these trips. They give me a bad knot in my stomach, and overall take a toll on my mental health. I sincerely hope with my entire heart that it could go decently.
 
Noooo! I wanted to update my dream address for my entry in the Adieu, Hellish Home activity, only to find out that the 3DS is undergoing maintenance.
I just got everything in my town up to snuff for my entry too, now I have to wait a while longer to upload my entry.
 
I have a dentist appointment tomorrow. I have trouble with preventing cavities because brushing/flossing is tedious, and because I accumulate plaque very quickly. I just do not want my dad and grandma to get mad at me. I have a fear of getting angered and yelled at.
 
Really really tired of having nightmares / vivid dreams that feel like nightmares. I don't know why I keep having them. I haven't really changed anything in my routine to trigger more of these dreams. It seems to be a reoccurring theme where my boyfriend finds someone else and tells me he loves them, and not me. They're really scary and I end up crying in my sleep? And wake up crying, too. Ugh..
 
I really wish I wasn’t so lazy because I really love this event for New Leaf. I’m planning to do most of the initiatives today when I get home, but I wish I didn’t procrastinate. I also wanna do the picture perfect activity but I literally don’t know what to do. I’ve drawn my mayor but I’m unsure of what else to add. 😭 I hate that I’m so awful at procrastinating
 
Someone peed all over the shopping carts at the store outside and I didn't notice until the end. I touched the pee cart with my bare hands. I was walking around that store like "damn this place smells like piss".
 
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