What's Bothering You?

I overthink and worry way too much.. but I have this.. almost gut feeling; that something is wrong. I don't want to pressure my bf, but I can sense something is off with him. He was over last night and he was so quiet, not his typical chipper self. He won't talk to me about anything, and.. I guess that'd explain why he's been so distant with me lately. Maybe he just doesn't want to be with me anymore.. :")

I ask for way too much reassurance as it is, so I'm trying to self-soothe and distract myself as best as I can... but.. I still feel very nervous..
 
my housing situation is so unstable. my mom just got her check two days ago, and by late morning it was all gone. my dad got paid today, and now they're over $700 in the hole. our internet might get shut off soon. I don't even know what the hell my dad is doing about out mortgage or other utilities. wouldn't be surprised if we're on the verge of eviction again.

earlier I wondered if, maybe, the reason why I'm freaking out so much about it is because of hypomania, because I so tend to feel a sense of panic and urgency when I'm hypomanic. but at the same time, if someone else were in my situation, living in a nasty house with a dysfunctional family that has no sense of security or stability, then I expect they would react similarly, if not the same. I'm not gonna gaslight myself into thinking it's just my hypomania and there's actually nothing wrong, that I'm just making it up. I'm really not, and I'm really tired of this. I'm not gonna live like this any longer.

now I'm speaking hypothetically, but I  might potentially have a place that I can go to, if I have an intake session and they decide that that would be possible for me. I'm gonna cross my fingers and hope for the best. there's no more room for me to keep my expectations low. this ends now, one way or another.
Post automatically merged:

Mimi Cheems said:
I overthink and worry way too much.. but I have this.. almost gut feeling; that something is wrong. I don't want to pressure my bf, but I can sense something is off with him. He was over last night and he was so quiet, not his typical chipper self. He won't talk to me about anything, and.. I guess that'd explain why he's been so distant with me lately. Maybe he just doesn't want to be with me anymore.. :")

I ask for way too much reassurance as it is, so I'm trying to self-soothe and distract myself as best as I can... but.. I still feel very nervous..
Click to expand...
I definitely understand this feeling, if you want to talk to someone about it you can reach out to me 💗
 
honestly feeling really depressed this morning, I just want to stay in my warm and cozy bed in the dark and do nothing.

I would say "oh it's because I'm bipolar and I deal with depression", and that could possibly be part of it. but I don't think that's it. because I won't lie, I think even a normal healthy person would feel depressed after going through what I've dealt with in the last week.

I just hope something turns around soon. 😔
 
I'm so fed up when someone else messes up they say it's my fault. When I'm not in the same room, it's my fault. When I'm not in the same building, it's my fault. I'm told 'You should have done this, you should have done that'. I'm not perfect and if I get something wrong, I'll admit it, but it feels as if I get blamed for everyone else's mistakes.
 
This is kinda dumb but I was supposed to go to bed around now but I can't because I'm upset. I can never sleep when I'm upset.
I always turned automatic renewal off for my Switch Online subscription because there isn't any money on the account. Makes sense, right? Well, I finally renewed it and went to turn that off, only to see it looks like they decided to change it so you have to cancel your subscription too. I'm so confused? The email I was automatically sent still has the old information saying it won't cancel it... I'm getting mixed messages here. It literally said "Cancel your subscription by turning off automatic renewal" when I went into the settings... I don't remember it being worded this way? Was it always? I think I would remember being confused each time, but who knows...
If it really has changed, this means I have to wait until next year just to turn it off and not find out what happens if I have eShop debt or something. It's all giving me terrible anxiety and that's why I can't sleep yet.
 
Seastar said:
This is kinda dumb but I was supposed to go to bed around now but I can't because I'm upset. I can never sleep when I'm upset.
I always turned automatic renewal off for my Switch Online subscription because there isn't any money on the account. Makes sense, right? Well, I finally renewed it and went to turn that off, only to see it looks like they decided to change it so you have to cancel your subscription too. I'm so confused? The email I was automatically sent still has the old information saying it won't cancel it... I'm getting mixed messages here. It literally said "Cancel your subscription by turning off automatic renewal" when I went into the settings... I don't remember it being worded this way? Was it always? I think I would remember being confused each time, but who knows...
If it really has changed, this means I have to wait until next year just to turn it off and not find out what happens if I have eShop debt or something. It's all giving me terrible anxiety and that's why I can't sleep yet.
Click to expand...
That’s not dumb at all. I always did the same thing even though I don’t have a card connected to my account and always use an E shop card when I renew. I don’t remember it reading that way in the past. It’s really weird that they would change that .
 
I thought I was through with being sick but I'm still having some symptoms. Jesus Christ, won't this **** just go away?

I've been looking forward to the weekend since I had a rough week at school, but my dad and his political ideas are just making me mad. I don't even like politics but he always finds a way to shove it into every conversation. The **** he spews out makes me wanna live in this house (hell, province) even less.

And I just spilled coffee on my keyboard again. ****ing hell.
 
Moving is killing me. I won't have full time employment until after my last clinical in August, and my husband is trying to find a new job in the area we're moving to ASAP. But every place we try to rent through has requirements like 3 months of pay stubs from a local job... how can we provide that if we're not in the area yet??? I just hate moving.
 
My mom bought my nieces Mcdonald’s again. I’m upset since the money is going towards a genocide. She initially said she’d boycott what she can but her excuse that my nieces wanted Mcdonald’s and something about every company doing the same (something equilvalent to that it won’t make a diffference). I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about anything to do with the conflict since I’m dealing with severe depression right now and am trying to hang in there, but any time i hear the certain company names or either country’s names, i get angry.

I had a terrible dream earlier.

I didn’t want to wake up today; was another day that I had to force myself to get up. not sure if my medicine has kicked in yet. I’m hoping it will so I can play genshin or hsr; right now, they’re not helping even though I want to play. I wish Neuvillette’s banner could come early since that would hopefully help lift my mood some considering how long I’ve been waiting for him. really depressed because I’m still waiting for my friend to reply to my response to him and recent message if he got my message. Feeling really hopeless.
 
last night my dad and brother got into a yelling match and started screaming at each other. mind you, if I'm ever in the vicinity of someone who is yelling at another person—or, god forbid, if someone raises their voice at me—it makes me feel really scared and makes me cry. thankfully there was no physical violence (though I wouldn't be surprised if that happened). but it got really bad, to the point where I was trembling and crying alone in my room.

I don't want to overshare, but I just have to say that my dad feels absolutely no compassion for us. he says that he cares, then stomps on our hearts when we pour our feelings out to him. he doesn't care. he got so defensive when my brother called him out on his conditional love, and he acted as if my brother was being rude and ungrateful by saying this. instead of actually taking these things to heart and acknowledging his own faults, my dad wants to play the victim and place the blame on everyone else. and instead of recognizing that he's making us feel miserable and apologizing and taking steps to work on being a better dad, he talks about how his own alcoholic father didn't care about him at all and uses that to justify his own ****ty behaviour.

we have to keep quiet and let him have complete control and let him perpetuate this absolute chaos and dysfunction, or else we suffer emotional abuse and manipulation. I don't know what others think (nor do I really care), but that sounds like a pretty ****ed up way to live.

it's pretty pathetic when you find the courage to tell your dad that his inexcusable and disgusting behaviour makes you not want to live anymore, and he responds by saying "that is so selfish of you."

I'm so tired of being here. I honestly wanted to run away from home last night, I almost did too. I can't do this anymore. I want to leave and never, ever come back. I don't deserve this, none of us do.
 
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