• Guest, can you feel the love in the air? Valentine's Week at The Bell Tree has begun with a new mini-event featuring four activities to enjoy -- new and returning collectibles are up for grabs! Dive in to the love here.

Joke's on You! (Heard any good ones? )

LOL

John visited his 90-year-old grandpa who lived way out in the country. On the first morning of the visit, John's grandpa prepared a breakfast of bacon and eggs. John noticed a film-like substance on his plate, and asked, "Are these plates clean?"

His grandpa replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just go ahead and finish your meal."

For lunch, Grandpa made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to have specks of dried egg on it. "Are you sure these plates are clean?" he asked.

Without looking up, Grandpa said, "I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them!"

Later, as John was leaving, his grandpa's dog started to growl and wouldn't let him pass.

John said, "Grandpa, your dog won't let me get by!"

Grandpa yelled to the dog, "Cold Water, go lie down!"
 
:)

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. "What are these guys in the big suits doing?"

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder.

After the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to translate it. He refused. The NASA PR people brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder's message.

Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. His translation of the old man's message was: "Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land."
 
Last edited:
Animal jokes are the best. ^_^



One day a man with an elephant walks into a movie theater.

?I?m afraid I can?t let your elephant in here, sir,? the manager says.

?Oh, I assure you, he?s very well behaved,? the man says.

?All right then,? the manager says. ?If you?re sure. ??

After the movie, the manager says to the man, ?I?m very surprised! Your elephant was well behaved, and he even seemed to enjoy the movie!?

?Yes, I was surprised, too,? says the man. ?He hated the book.?
 
^_^

Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, "Jes?s is watching you."

He looked around and saw nothing. He kept on creeping and again heard, "Jes?s is watching you."

In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside. The burglar asked the parrot, "Was it you who said Jes?s is watching me" The parrot replied, "Yes."

Relieved, the burglar asked, "What is your name?" The parrot said, "Clarence." The burglar said, "That's a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot answered, "The same idiot that named the rottweiler Jes?s."
 
I gotta step up my A-game, i loved all three of those! XD


What are the best kind of letters to read in hot weather?
- Fan mail.

What happens when you play a country song backwards?
- You get a new truck, a new wife, and a new dog.

What happens when you make peanuts laugh?
- They crack up.
 
MarzipanDragyn said:
I gotta step up my A-game, i loved all three of those! XD


What are the best kind of letters to read in hot weather?
- Fan mail.

What happens when you play a country song backwards?
- You get a new truck, a new wife, and a new dog.

What happens when you make peanuts laugh?
- They crack up.
Click to expand...

Loved them all! ^_^


A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.

So the couple produce photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple's care.

The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills."

Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.

This time the wife explains, "Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet."

The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"

The husband says, "It doesn't really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon."
 
Last edited:
MarzipanDragyn said:
Oh my XD
Click to expand...

^_^ Made me laugh.

An ant knocked on the door of a house.
The house owner opened the door.

โ€œI want a place to stay,โ€ said the ant.

โ€œI have a vacant room which you can occupy for freeโ€ said the owner.

Thankful, the ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.

After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested the owner, โ€œCan you please allow this fellow ant to stay with me?โ€

โ€œOh sure, you can do so without paying any rent,โ€ said the owner.

After some days the ant brought a third ant and requested the owner to allow it to stay with them.

The owner agreed to it without asking for any rent.

This went on as the ant brought in more and more ants and the owner agreed to let them stay without any rent.

One fine day, the ant brought in the tenth ant and requested the owner to allow it to stay with them all.

The owner said, โ€œOK, you can all stay here but now you all need to pay rentโ€ฆ

You are now tenantsโ€. :)
 
Last edited:
Nice one! ^_^


It?s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty.

He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. "No", says the neighbour. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible", said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?"

The neighbour says, "Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven?t been to together since we got married."

"Oh, I?m so sorry to hear that. That?s terrible?. But couldn?t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbour to take her seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No", he says. "They?re all at the funeral."
 
And that's how the fight started.

How do potatoes solve arguments?
- They hash it out.

What do eagles say before hunting?
- "Let us prey."

What do you call a twitchy cow?
- Beef jerky.



I'm thankful for corny jokes; I think they're a-maize-ing!
Happy Turkey Day! :D
 
LOL!

A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.

The guy sitting next to him can?t believe what he just saw. He?s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.

The astonished onlooker asks, ?How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we?re hundreds of feet above the ground!?

The jumper responds by slurring, ?Well, I don?t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.? He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.

The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.

The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn?t slow down at all. SPLAT!

The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. ?You?re really an ******* when you?re drunk, Superman.?
 
This one is kinda CYOOT! ^_^

A man comes home after a hard day?s work and opens the refrigerator
to get a soda. Inside, he sees a squirrel taking a nap.

?What are you doing in my fridge?? the man asks.

The squirrel opens one sleepy eye and says, ?Isn?t this a Westinghouse??

?Um, yes,? the man replies. ?It is."

?Well then,? the squirrel says, shutting his eyes again, ?I am twying to west.?
 
Hehehe :)

This guy is dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there's a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table. He's been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn't have the courage to start talking to her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. His reflexes kick in and he reaches out, plucks it out of the air, and hands it back to her.

The redhead is mortified. "Oh my, I am so sorry," she says as she pops her eye back into place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you."

So he joins her table and they enjoy a wonderful meal together. Afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks at a bar. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap. He says yes and they return to her place.

He ends up staying the night. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed at how everything has been so perfect and how incredible this woman is. He can't believe his luck. "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye."
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Duchess
Good Morrow!
Replies
11
Views
144
Hat'
Hat'
GreenTeaHarbor1297
Castlevania Games: Do you prefer Classic-vania or Metroid-vania?
Replies
2
Views
106
Psydye
Psydye
SkyKnight03
Do you like any unpopular music?
2
Replies
30
Views
914
cornimer
cornimer
Oshie
Any good Cottagecore villagers? Quick tips appreciated! <3
Replies
2
Views
410
QueenCobra
QueenCobra
Suguri
Fanfiction? ๐Ÿ“–
2
Replies
38
Views
842
VernalLapin
VernalLapin
Back
Top