LGBTQA - Discussion and support.

[Bowie]

Ugh, my Dad was just talking about how he wants to kill all gay people. And he kept misgendering a transgender person who used to live on our street, going on to talk about how he wanted to beat her up. I’m so freaking angry and done. I can’t deal with this anymore, I know he’ll never except me and neither will anyone else in my godforsaken family.

That's horrible.

 

[Mango]

i came out to my mom last month and now she uses she more then she ever used to, but i cant tell my brothers bcs its apparently "too hard and complicated" for them to understand?? (all of my friends and their siblings and parents use my pronouns...) hsould i talk to her about it??

 

[spunkystella]

Coming from a lesbian standpoint (and should be everyone's...):

"Mom, I have to tell you something. I'm... straight."

That would be stupid. Why should we have to tell people that we're gay/trans/anything else? Really. Think about it.

Homophobic: phobia of LGBTQA. Scared of what? Scared of our majestic fabulousness? Thought so.

 

[Moddie]

[Post Removed. Sorry.]

 

[ThomasNLD]

Ugh, my Dad was just talking about how he wants to kill all gay people. And he kept misgendering a transgender person who used to live on our street, going on to talk about how he wanted to beat her up. I?m so freaking angry and done. I can?t deal with this anymore, I know he?ll never except me and neither will anyone else in my godforsaken family.

I had a similar experience with my brother in law. He told me he wanted to shoot all people with certain mental illnesses. He didn`t realise one of the illnesses he mentioned, was part of my daignosis. At first it filled me with dissapointment really, maybe a little anger. But more then anything else, I felt sorry for him, to just dismiss so many people like that.

I hope someday, maybe when you are out of the parental house and on your own, you can look at it like that as well. Its hard not to take it personal, when he is in some regard attacking a part of your identity. However, you can fight your entire life for acceptance of someone, which you might never get. My counselor spent a lot of time getting this across to me, so I could let go of seeking parental approval and instead, move on and give myself a chance to find it elsewhere.

As much as I feel every child deserves a nurturing environment where acceptance is considered common sense, it sadly isn`t the world we live in. Maybe in time your father will see things differently, it happens when bigotry meets knowledge. But maybe he is to set in his ways to change, either way, getting some distance might make it easier for you to stay closer to yourself. Good luck.

 

[Moddie]

I had a similar experience with my brother in law. He told me he wanted to shoot all people with certain mental illnesses. He didn`t realise one of the illnesses he mentioned, was part of my daignosis. At first it filled me with dissapointment really, maybe a little anger. But more then anything else, I felt sorry for him, to just dismiss so many people like that.

I hope someday, maybe when you are out of the parental house and on your own, you can look at it like that as well. Its hard not to take it personal, when he is in some regard attacking a part of your identity. However, you can fight your entire life for acceptance of someone, which you might never get. My counselor spent a lot of time getting this across to me, so I could let go of seeking parental approval and instead, move on and give myself a chance to find it elsewhere.

As much as I feel every child deserves a nurturing environment where acceptance is considered common sense, it sadly isn`t the world we live in. Maybe in time your father will see things differently, it happens when bigotry meets knowledge. But maybe he is to set in his ways to change, either way, getting some distance might make it easier for you to stay closer to yourself. Good luck.

I don't have anything to add. I just wanted to say, your words were helpful, thank you, and that I'm sorry for what you had to go through with your brother-in-law.

 

[ThomasNLD]

My brother in law turned out to be one of those people who got passed his bigotry and allowed gained knowledge to come to a different opinion on the matter. It does happen. We even went to a concert together recently.

Thank you for your concern though.

 

[Moddie]

My brother in law turned out to be one of those people who got passed his bigotry and allowed gained knowledge to come to a different opinion on the matter. It does happen. We even went to a concert together recently.

Thank you for your concern though.

Oh, that's great news! I'm glad that he changed his view point.

 

[pokedude729]

My pastor is actually gay.

 

[Mango]

i came out to my mom last month and now she uses she more then she ever used to, but i cant tell my brothers bcs its apparently "too hard and complicated" for them to understand?? (all of my friends and their siblings and parents use my pronouns...) hsould i talk to her about it??

can someone help me with this

- - - Post Merge - - -

Coming from a lesbian standpoint (and should be everyone's...):

"Mom, I have to tell you something. I'm... straight."

That would be stupid. Why should we have to tell people that we're gay/trans/anything else? Really. Think about it.

Homophobic: phobia of LGBTQA. Scared of what? Scared of our majestic fabulousness? Thought so.

well technically homohpboia is the fear/hatrid of homosexuals, queerphobia is the phobia of lgbtqia+

 

[Idfldnsndt]

i came out to my mom last month and now she uses she more then she ever used to, but i cant tell my brothers bcs its apparently "too hard and complicated" for them to understand?? (all of my friends and their siblings and parents use my pronouns...) hsould i talk to her about it??

I think it would be best to talk with her about it if it is bothering you a lot

 

[Mango]

I think it would be best to talk with her about it if it is bothering you a lot

shes like??// relaly transphobic towards me thougg itd end up in me saying sorry

 

[tofucakes]

i came out to my mom last month and now she uses she more then she ever used to, but i cant tell my brothers bcs its apparently "too hard and complicated" for them to understand?? (all of my friends and their siblings and parents use my pronouns...) hsould i talk to her about it??

Do you think your mom would be receptive to reading links regarding "Trans 101" stuff? I can send you things I think might be helpful if you'd like. Also, in my experience children seem to get it much easier, or at least don't dwell on it much, so this shouldn't be used as an excuse for anyone to misgender you.

 

[zeoli]

My parents really don't have understanding for my views. I prefer male pronouns and being called Oliver. However, my mom told me I was being "selfish" for wanting to use pronouns other than she, and that my birth name will ALWAYS be my name. At the same time though, both of my parents will let me dress as I please.
Also, I'm scared to tell my grandma because she's a total queerphobic. She misgenders this poor woman at her work and constantly belittles her by saying horrible things to my family. I've told her to shut up multiple times and I've left the room on several occasions because I couldn't stand it. It's not right. She's also very angry that I have a sweater that says "My gender is Shut Up" because apparently it'll make people think I'm a "he-she"
pfft grandma, if only you knew XD

 

[Mango]

Do you think your mom would be receptive to reading links regarding "Trans 101" stuff? I can send you things I think might be helpful if you'd like. Also, in my experience children seem to get it much easier, or at least don't dwell on it much, so this shouldn't be used as an excuse for anyone to misgender you.

tht would be great ah

yeah ive noticed that ;_;

 

[shunishu]

just got banned on the nintendo twitch for saying 'I'm old, gay and grumpy'. apparently you arent allowed to acknowledge the word gay or myself.. nintendo is so backwards.. i'm over them.
(edit: i know it's just part of a spam filter, but i'm tired of being considered a slur in 2015)

- - - Post Merge - - -

tht would be great ah

yeah ive noticed that ;_;

till the other links arrive, check out these from wikihow

How to respect a transgender person
How to Show Support to a Transgender Family Member
How to Support a Transgender Friend
How to come out as Transgender
How to come to terms with being transgender as a teen
How to come out as Transgender at Work
How to cope with Gender Dysphoria
How to deal with Transphobia
How to deal with Transphobic Parents
How to deal with bullying when authority figures are unsupportive
How to transition male to female (mtf)
How to transition female to male(ftm)
don't hesitate to show them all of these, so they get a sense of all sides of this topic.
I find these very helpful and on point, might make it easier to articulate yourself about it as well.

there are plenty supports groups out there on the internet & in real life, dont be afraid to reach out.
no matter what your family, friends & immediate surrounding thinks of you and your decisions just know that you are loved and that you live for yourself and there are many people that can love and appreciate you.
even if people dont understand you now, doesn't mean that they'll never come around.. some people need more time. some people react wrong, cause they dont know how to react and mess up.. give them a chance.. but dont put up with everything of course..

good luck to all of you. <3

general advice, if someone misgenders you, educate them and be patient.. dont take it personal every time, cause a lot of people will take ages to get it right and still mess up (even people who care about you), some are very ignorant of course.. you will encounter all sorts of reactions. it's important that you know who you are, are able to demand recognition of course, but also are prepared for all sorts of reactions. which will come. do not accept belittlement and misgendering at work/school in any case.
you can give people you care about an ultimatum to accept you too. turn around the table.. (edit: of course only if you have a support network of friends and the means to move out etc.. don't be too risky.. but you know your people best and how they might react.)
it also can be a good way to find out who actually cares about you, so the people you get in your life will actually be very close friends.
speak up, if you see someone being misgendered.

you are important. being transgender becomes more possible and liveable every day.
if you don't get the recognition you seek, which may (hopefully not) happen, do not let that hold you down, you just have to start doing your thing and not care anymore..

if you are in a trans-/homophobic workplace, you do not have to be strong and prove anything to anyone, if it's too much, don't be afraid to quit if possible. atleast check what other employment possibilites are out there and leave as soon as possible. you dont have to endure any of this and the stress included.

if you don't have access to essentials or are afraid to get them yourself or dont have money to buy things like bras, makeup, something to bind down your chest etc, there are projects that send out free care packages to transgender people! google it I'm sure you find a few.
if you can afford it, you can get these things from amazon or ebay cheap too without anyone other than you having to know.

only you know, when you are ready to be you. don't let anyone push you out, when you're not ready to face your reality.


I'm glad more people know the term gender dysphoria now and understand what it means to deal with it. when I was younger, I didn't even know it, even tho i was going through it, so there wasn't any language or discussion base.


*links fixed

 

[pippy1994]

I had feelings for another girl about 5 years back, was still with my serious bf at the time. It was a little awkward though because she's 5 years younger than me. It's not as if it was a physical feeling I had for her, but more emotional based. Although I would get jealous of her online relationship with another female. We had arguments about it a few times, she even considered dumping her gf to be with me, but I just couldn't do it. I was still attached to my bf at the time and I was scared of what others would think about me in particular. Although my relationship with my bf was very similar, he was 5 years older than me and I knew what people thought about our relationship.

Eventually I came to the conclusion that my feelings for her were more of the big sister/little sister type, caring for her like a sister.

To be honest, I don't know how to classify my own sexuality. I tend to just consider myself straight.

 

[shunishu]

To be honest, I don't know how to classify my own sexuality. I tend to just consider myself straight.

that's ok. you don't have to be anything. sexuality is also very fluid and not that easy to classify. there's lots of inbetweens. you can be whatever you want to be, or you think you are.

 

[zeoli]

speak up, if you see someone being misgendered.

You know, I gotta say, my family is horrible with that. If you saw what I posted earlier about my grandma's co-worker, I have tried in the past to correct my family when they misgender her. I usually get yelled at to shut up and that that poor woman is the opposite of what she is. I've also been pulled aside by my mom and yelled at that I should "stop following what everyone else does and be myself" when it comes to my family. It's like...I am being myself????? You all are just being so ignorant.
Any advice when it comes to that?

 

[shunishu]

It's like...I am being myself????? You all are just being so ignorant.
Any advice when it comes to that?

with the speaking up, i meant more in a public environment. and when you know it's not gonna be risky. but sometimes it can be risky for someone else, if nothing is said.

yeah, that can be very difficult and annoying, when it's in an environment, that you are always in and they are that stubborn. make sure you check out the links i posted, there's some good advice in them.
i'm very shy in person and have problems expressing myself in person and through words anyway, so I'm lucky my parents aren't that bad and very open-minded and interested to learn.

you just can't ever give up on your standpoint. it's good that you make an opposition to their views known and let them know they are wrong, even if they don't understand or accept that. atleast they know that there is another view. and you didn't let that silence you.
some people react badly when receiving opposition after expressing a strong, maybe problematic opinion.. and get more stubborn & intense.
make it clear that you dont support their opinion and that what they are saying is hurtful to others, even if they dont see how.

do you have friends, that you can be open with and vent out your frustration, if you have to? that can help.
also dont let their ignorance get you stressed out.. also in general, dont let your hair get grey over other peoples ignorance.. its not worth it..
(negative stress is toxic.)



also as you posted above .. you are not selfish!
they are selfish for ignoring your request.


these are just my thoughts