I've never had sex. I don't plan to have sex until I'm much, much older. That being said, I can't honestly say I've held back sexually. I've masturbated, I've looked at porn. It's a regular thing for me, and I've never considered it that big of a deal. I can't wait to experience sex, though. It's an inescapable thought for anyone nowadays, I think. It's something I choose to embrace instead of hide from.
LGBTQA - Discussion and support.
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kaitastrophe
Senior Member
Me neither.
I'm very old-fashioned-
I won't have sex until I'm married, and if I do, it's to try for babies.
I'm not planning on doing it on my honeymoon unless we want to have babies as soon as we get married.
I'm very old-fashioned-
I won't have sex until I'm married, and if I do, it's to try for babies.
I'm not planning on doing it on my honeymoon unless we want to have babies as soon as we get married.
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Let me just say...making love to your significant other without the intent to procreate is extremely common in all marriages including "old fashion," marriages, and also for a healthy relationship. You mean to say you will have sex to have a baby, and then not at all unless you want another? That just won't work...I'm sorry. I don't know any adult who would agree for a relationship like that unless they were super religious or something. That's going years without sex...seems unhealthy to be honest. Sex is a beautiful thing two people share with each other.
Just my two cents.
*edit: Nevermind, I went a page back and read that you said you were asexual.
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Ghost Soda
(he him or they them)
Honestly, I never got waiting until marriage. I'm not all that interested in getting married anyway so when I feel I'm ready to have sex, I will. [Though with protection, of course.]
Wittle_Munchkin
Senior Member
I found out I was Asexual after having to deal with many annoying boyfriends. (They motivated me to go to the internet to find out why I experience no sexual attraction. Lol.)
All of them, up until my current one have all tried to pressure me into doing sexual things with them. They gave me stupid 'excuses' to try to justify why I wasn't 'being fair' to them by 'denying them sex'. I made sure they felt like crap after their statements.
"We've been dating for ____ already." And we don't need to date for another ____. 'Kay?
"How else will you show how much you love me?" I dunno. Spending time with you? Giving you presents? Supporting you? Making you happy? Literally every other way besides bumping genitalia together? I guess those aren't enough for you!
"If you don't have sex with me after 6 months, I'll dump you." lol not before i dump you right now bye.
"Everybody's doing it." Funny. We're 15. Statistically speaking, most people our age aren't.
"Give me sex. I'm a guy. I need it or else I'll get blue balls." You don't "give" away sex. Also, you have hands for a reason, a**hole.
I never gave into the pressure. Looking back on it now, I'm glad I didn't.
I've been with my current boyfriend for about 4 years non-stop. Even now, I have no desire to do anything sexual with him. He's fine with it, I'm fine with it, we get along great. *shrugs*
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Dragonqueen0912
Senior Member
I found out I was Asexual after having to deal with many annoying boyfriends. (They motivated me to go to the internet to find out why I experience no sexual attraction. Lol.)
All of them, up until my current one have all tried to pressure me into doing sexual things with them. They gave me stupid 'excuses' to try to justify why I wasn't 'being fair' to them by 'denying them sex'. I made sure they felt like crap after their statements.
"We've been dating for ____ already." And we don't need to date for another ____. 'Kay?
"How else will you show how much you love me?" I dunno. Spending time with you? Giving you presents? Supporting you? Making you happy? Literally every other way besides bumping genitalia together? I guess those aren't enough for you!
"If you don't have sex with me after 6 months, I'll dump you." lol not before i dump you right now bye.
"Everybody's doing it." Funny. We're 15. Statistically speaking, most people our age aren't.
"Give me sex. I'm a guy. I need it or else I'll get blue balls." You don't "give" away sex. Also, you have hands for a reason, a**hole.
I never gave into the pressure. Looking back on it now, I'm glad I didn't.
I've been with my current boyfriend for about 4 years non-stop. Even now, I have no desire to do anything sexual with him. He's fine with it, I'm fine with it, we get along great. *shrugs*
That's so awesome!!! I'm so glad you found someone who's okay with it!! I wish I could meet someone like that haha, he's a keeper ^^ It also made me happy when you said ""How else will you show how much you love me?" I dunno. Spending time with you? Giving you presents? Supporting you? Making you happy? Literally every other way besides bumping genitalia together? I guess those aren't enough for you!"
because that's exactly right, like I said earlier, sex isn't the only thing to show how much I love you. So thank you xD
cannedcommunism
idk man
I hate when people try to push for sex. Like, it's not the only way to express love, especially since it's the second date. But it's fine when both agree to it.
Well, I'm not sure about that. I'll definitely have sex before marriage. For me, it's more just not being mature enough (or legally old enough, actually) to have sex, rather than not wanting it until a particular time. Considering I'm a gay male, it's out of the question whether or not I'll be trying for babies, but you get the idea.
queertactics
Senior Member
im questioning ace too!! holla
idk my thing is that like? while I do have a libido and take care of that sometimes, I never see someone and think "wow, I would have sex with them"? im aesthetically attracted to some people sometimes but cause im aromantic its mostly just like "wow they're cute, I bet they'd be fun to hang out with".
the thing that gets ME all confused is that asexuals can totally be ace and still have sex drive and like. I guess I feel kind of invalid if I have a sex drive but I never want to ACT on it. like does that count still? who knows.
but im Actively Aware that MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE with asexuality is directly related to me being trans (ie dysphoria making me uncomfortable with myself) and with trauma (which im not gonna explain),,,, so,,,,,,,,,,, I feel bad for being like, simultaneously Too Sexual To Be Asexual and also Only Asexual Because Broken
lmao tbh I have a MUCH harder time with asexuality than I did with being transgender
Dragonqueen0912
Senior Member
Well everyone has a sex drive. I've had about a year of wondering if I was really ace just because it's so confusing and I still feel broken and everything, but it doesn't make you any less asexual if you masturbate, get horny, or any of the such because asexuality is the lack of wanting to actually WANT to HAVE sex. You can still think about it, but you don't actually lust after doing it or anything.
If you have no interest in actually having sex then you're asexual. But yes, your sex drive and you don't want to act on it still makes you a asexual, it's unlikely you'll never have those feelings, but just don't actually want to interact like that. YOURE NOT INVALID, DONT WORRY!!! I hope that helps ^^;
queertactics
Senior Member
its gross, right!! in-hate sucks. i guess some of them were created to be useful? but once you examine them they're,, really harmful. like, okay, actually, excellent example because we just got off the asexuality topic: allosexual.
so, allosexual was created to mean someone whose romantic orientiation aligns with their sexual orientation - heterosexual-heteroromantic, bisexual-biromantic, etc etc. the idea was that people who are allosexual don't face the problems that asexuals and aromantics do, etc. ((i never quite figured out of an asexual-aromantic fit the bill for allosexual but that's another discussion))
but sexuality doesn't affect everyone in the same way??
asexuals face oppression in the sense that they're considered immature, prudish, etc.
allosexuals do not face this oppression (or so the theory goes).
BUT, we have to consider intersectionality.
folks with disabilities are assumed to be asexual. you never see like, a sexy ad campaign with a person with a disability. no one ever thinks to give sex ed to kids in special ed. but what if they aren't asexual? what if they're allosexual? aren't they facing the same sort of things that asexuals/aromantics are? how can we lump them in with allosexals?
and what about like, racist assumptions about people? how Black folks are hypersexualized? how Asian women are deemed submissive and Asian men are de-sexualized? how can we assume they aren't facing the same sort of reactions from other people that asexuals/aromantics are?
but sexuality doesn't affect everyone in the same way??
asexuals face oppression in the sense that they're considered immature, prudish, etc.
allosexuals do not face this oppression (or so the theory goes).
BUT, we have to consider intersectionality.
folks with disabilities are assumed to be asexual. you never see like, a sexy ad campaign with a person with a disability. no one ever thinks to give sex ed to kids in special ed. but what if they aren't asexual? what if they're allosexual? aren't they facing the same sort of things that asexuals/aromantics are? how can we lump them in with allosexals?
and what about like, racist assumptions about people? how Black folks are hypersexualized? how Asian women are deemed submissive and Asian men are de-sexualized? how can we assume they aren't facing the same sort of reactions from other people that asexuals/aromantics are?
TL;DR:[/B] I think, for the most part, these sort of terms are created as an attempt to protect ourselves from people who won't understand what we're going through; who'll mock us, bastardize our experiences, undermine our feelings. but once they're widely established, we start to see the problems with them.
i thought allosexual meant someone who wasnt asexual
whatever its an awful term and i roll my eyes whenever i hear people talk as if allosexuals are obsessed with sex. im asexual, but it comes off as very... homophobic. especially when these people are making these posts on tumblr, where y'know...a large population of the site is gay.
like, i get asexuals want to make jokes and all.. but when you verge into the "HAHA ALLOSEXUALS ARE DIRTY FOR HAVING SEX" that can get ... very homophobic.
like i saw this kid make a post that was like "what if there was a disease u could only get from sex and everyone but asexuals died out"
im like that was a thing. theyre called STDs. its called AIDS. you know, that wiped out a majority of the gay population in the 60s.
I dont think these people realize the statements they make are harmful. **** like "haha dirty allosexuals having sex" can resemble what gay ppl hear? "haha dirty gays having sex"
like, gay/lesbian sex is punishable by death... inb4 someone brings up rome and homosexuality, but.. its just very annoying to see the ace community act like this. ive distanced myself from the community bc i find it quite annoying and i dont believe in a majority of the new terms they make up
whatever its an awful term and i roll my eyes whenever i hear people talk as if allosexuals are obsessed with sex. im asexual, but it comes off as very... homophobic. especially when these people are making these posts on tumblr, where y'know...a large population of the site is gay.
like, i get asexuals want to make jokes and all.. but when you verge into the "HAHA ALLOSEXUALS ARE DIRTY FOR HAVING SEX" that can get ... very homophobic.
like i saw this kid make a post that was like "what if there was a disease u could only get from sex and everyone but asexuals died out"
im like that was a thing. theyre called STDs. its called AIDS. you know, that wiped out a majority of the gay population in the 60s.
I dont think these people realize the statements they make are harmful. **** like "haha dirty allosexuals having sex" can resemble what gay ppl hear? "haha dirty gays having sex"
like, gay/lesbian sex is punishable by death... inb4 someone brings up rome and homosexuality, but.. its just very annoying to see the ace community act like this. ive distanced myself from the community bc i find it quite annoying and i dont believe in a majority of the new terms they make up
I'm asexual and most likely aromantic. I'm only out to my parents (very conservative Christians) and they kinda made me coming out as something that doesn't exist. I keep telling them and reminding them so I don't know where they stand anymore. I don't think they realize that being ace means I'm not straight. They don't approve of the lgbtqia+ so I'm not sure if they are in denial that I'm ace or what. For the most part I like being ace/aro because I don't have to worry about dating the much. I'm not sure if l want to get married in the future. I think I would just like to have a super best friend and live with them forever or with another ace person. I don't mind romance or sex but I don't find people sexually or romantically attractive. The only thing that bothers me is that people sometimes say that ace/aro people are not part of the lgbtqia+. I really don't like that because ace and aro people face discrimination like other sexualities do but just in different ways. I'm still not sure when I'm ready to tell my friends I'm ace and aro. My coworkers are really really supportive of all sexualities including ace and aro people but I feel like I can't tell them yet because I just broke up with someone that used to work there. For my other friends I don't want them to think that coming out as ace and aro had to do with anything about being a special snowflake either. I've known for a year that I am ace but I just haven't told anyone besides my parents yet.
I'm a questioning ace and aro. I've been in a relationship for over a year now and while I do love them, just the thought of having sex with them kinda "grosses" me out in a way. I mean, given that I'm still quite young, I just feel like it's something I'm not interested in and I'm kind of concerned if I ever will be. My partner has brought up to me that he wishes we had more sexual contact and while I understand his point of view, I have no desire to touch him in that way. Sure, we've kissed and such before, but I just get really awkward with things like that so I back off. I've told him I'm not ready for anything of the sort anytime soon but I kinda feel like I never will be. I'm kind of scared to bring this up to him because I feel like he'll say I don't truly love him or something which really pisses me off. That being said though, I wish I wasn't so cold when it comes to those types things. I just feel kinda... "off" if that makes any sense.
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Ghost Soda
(he him or they them)
If he does then dump him.
You should discuss with your partner about your thoughts :/ I mean either way it will come up again. It's not your fault for being "cold" or anything. If you two can't meet in the "middle" or come to an understanding then the relationship might as well end. :c
Sexual contact is in a way somewhat important in a relationship, though of course it isn't required. (It's a human thing lol) but I suggest you talk it out c: relationships are about understanding
(LOL I've never even been in one but oh well) hope it goes ok u.u(I don't mean to offend you so hopefully I didn't! > < )
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OMG I had no idea this was a thread here!^___^
Hi everyone!
I'm Gabi and im a lesbian~
Current I am dealing with a lot of issues with others at school. People laugh at me and stuff but I try to not let it get to me.
I try to remain optimistic and happy most of the time but it's nice to get some support every now and then.
Hi everyone!
I'm Gabi and im a lesbian~
Current I am dealing with a lot of issues with others at school. People laugh at me and stuff but I try to not let it get to me.
I try to remain optimistic and happy most of the time but it's nice to get some support every now and then.
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You should discuss with your partner about your thoughts :/ I mean either way it will come up again. It's not your fault for being "cold" or anything. If you two can't meet in the "middle" or come to an understanding then the relationship might as well end. :c
Sexual contact is in a way somewhat important in a relationship, though of course it isn't required. (It's a human thing lol) but I suggest you talk it out c: relationships are about understanding
(I don't mean to offend you so hopefully I didn't! > < )
Nah, you didn't offend me at all. I'm actually really grateful you took the time to reply to me.
I have a sex drive and I do have "fantasies", I guess. But that's all they are. Fantasies. The thought of actually doing them scares me and I don't know why. The thought of him making/doing something romantic for me kinda turns me off. I'm never in the mood for romance. I actually brought it up to my boyfriend but he dismissed it and said he wasn't in the mood to discuss about it. My feelings are, quite obviously, really hurt. But maybe he was right. Maybe I shouldn't have brought it up to him about it because I'm not exactly sure if I'm an ace or aro myself. But even so, I feel very embarrassed.
I have a question concerning asexuality: what's the minimum age for knowing you're ace?? I think I may be one, but when I asked my mom she was like "pffffft you're still young you don't know!!! You're prob going through a phase!"
Uh, okay, but... I'm 14. My best friend is 13 and she's always saying things like "THAT GUY IS SO HOT!! I WANT TO DO IT SOMEDAY WITH THE RIGHT PERSON!! etc etc." and I'm just sitting over here like...ew. No thanks.
So I'm just wondering: would I be considered "too young" to know for sure?
Uh, okay, but... I'm 14. My best friend is 13 and she's always saying things like "THAT GUY IS SO HOT!! I WANT TO DO IT SOMEDAY WITH THE RIGHT PERSON!! etc etc." and I'm just sitting over here like...ew. No thanks.
So I'm just wondering: would I be considered "too young" to know for sure?
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