Izzy Reincarnated
ボケ！！！！&#
Ｔｈａｔ ｉ’ｍ ｅｎｊｏｙｉｎｇ ｐｅｏｐｌｅ ｂｅｉｎｇ ｓｉｃｋ．
ＭＷＵＡＨＡＨＨＡＡＨＨ
ＭＷＵＡＨＡＨＨＡＡＨＨ
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What's bothering you?
- Thread starter Sanaki
- Start date
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Izzy Reincarnated
ボケ！！！！&#
Ｗｅ ａｒｅ ａｌｌ ａｎｎｏｙｅｄ ｗｉｔｈ ｈｅｒ．
well i hope so
Izzy Reincarnated
ボケ！！！！&#
ｗｅｌｌ ｙｏｕｒ ｈｏｐｅｓ ａｒｅ ｃｏｍｉｎｇ ｔｒｕｅ
Last time A few months back I experienced that recently, It begin with a sore throat and I knew it would turn into that, So I tried my best to fight it and make it less worse but it still turned into the last phase. and I had work and didnt wanna be sick for a whole week... So I dealt with it and would walk into the back when I had too cough. Thats the only sickness I hate. -w-
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Lol it's whatever really :3 The fact that she acts like that literally makes it funnier. Cause we haven't had a conflict for a few months.
And yep, the sicknesses are just too common once school starts.
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Dude that's like every car in my downtown area. lol
emmatheweirdo
my anaconda dont want nun
My sides have been in immobilizing pain all night ;w; This is like the 500th time since last October this has happened. The doctors said I should be better. They can't figure out what's wrong. I had cancer a while back, but that's completely gone. This is something else, but doctors have no clue what. I just don't want to be in pain anymore :c
this happened with a spider earlier today..
Spiders come and go... They don't have commitment to stay in one place. Never date Spiderman.
what about cockroaches though ;n;
marzipanmermaid
*insert Pikmin noises*
Had a great day where I wasn't obsessing or anxious or worrying. Took a shower, somehow triggered myself to remember something that happened to me while I was reading the back of the shampoo bottle, now I'm obsessing over it again (I had been obsessing about it for about 2 months and stopped earlier this month...), and now I'm in tears. I'm tired of my brain. I want this to stop.
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Cockroaches are that group of fedora wearing guys that always linger around you and get friendzoned, and that also get angry when a girl rejects them or thinks them as just a friend and they end up never leaving you alone until you smash them into pieces.
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brb moving
remiaphasia
Senior Member
I know I've posted about this here a ton, but it's the only place where I don't feel like I'll suffer any backlash for doing so. I really wish I could move on from my ex sooner. Emotionally that is. Some days she comes home from work and when I see her, my heart lights up, and I want to kiss and hold her as if things were normal...it's as if my brain forgets the trauma of being lied and cheated on, and being ignored and being blown off...and it's like the wound just opens all over again. I want to scream at her and punch her daily. But I also just want to turn back the clock and lay with her head on my lap, while I pet her and she purrs and pretends to be my kitten.
But none of that is ever going to be again. She traded our relationship, our friendship, everything so that she could have sex with a guy, ultimately. Nevermind I gave her the option to open our relationship. I asked over and over if she wanted that, if she needed something else to tell me, talk to me, be open with me, be honest with me...and she lied every time and continued to instead do things behind my back. She claimed over and over that she loved me while lying and proving that she didn't give a **** about anything but her immediate sexual gratification.
All I want to do is be over it. I want to just forget that I ever loved her, that I ever dreamed of having a future with her, and just be able to pretend that she were any other annoying roommate that I wanted to be rid of. But I can't.
I can't talk to her. I'm trying to forget her. I have only one other friend and he...is showing his true colors I think. Wants me to get over it faster. Also wants me to think of him as more than a friend. Says he's disappointed that I wouldn't consider moving out of my state and leaving my job and what little I have to live with him...who I've never met in real life and have absolutely zero romantic feelings for. I've been firm with him and will continue to be about where I stand on our friendship. But it really paints him in a different light. I very well can't go to him to talk about my heartbreak.
In generally I suppose the quality of my life is improving slightly. I'm not studying as I should, but my classes are going well. I feel confident in them. But I am just constantly alone. Yesterday I was walking home from work and thought, "it would be lovely to call a friend and have lunch with them" but guess what? There's no friend to call. No friend to text, not even a friend on Steam. I go to work, I go to school, and I come home. I go to local meetups. Doesn't matter. I'm invisible wherever I go, no matter how convincing my facade of confidence.
It really kills me inside. I want to have friends, to feel wanted, valued, loved. I want to feel attractive. I haven't felt pretty or attractive or sexy or even particularly wanted in over two years. Not even by my own then lover, now ex (for that reason). And a small part of me is convinced that no matter what I do, no one is ever going to want me in that way. Or any other way, for that matter. I can't even ****ing make platonic friends.
It hurts to know that. It hurts to know that if I were to walk out of my house right this moment and just walk away from everything, no one would even notice. I have no friends to notice that I haven't posted on Facebook in awhile or responded to texts. My ex would not notice or care if I did not come home, she may even be relieved. I have no family. Might employer would notice when I didn't show up for work, but only after about 3-7 days. Even then, they might assume I simply quit, rather than having disappeared from the world entirely. If my body were found somewhere, on the railroad tracks or in the river, there'd be no one to take it to, no one to call, no nothing. I've literally left no imprint on the world around me.
This isn't where I should be saying any of this but I can't help feeling like anywhere else is just a bother to someone.
Anyway, that's what's bothering me right now. That's what's been bothering me for a long time, and what will bother me every night for I don't know how long. It's what will keep me awake and keep me crying at night and keep me wishing that I weren't here, and that's all.
But none of that is ever going to be again. She traded our relationship, our friendship, everything so that she could have sex with a guy, ultimately. Nevermind I gave her the option to open our relationship. I asked over and over if she wanted that, if she needed something else to tell me, talk to me, be open with me, be honest with me...and she lied every time and continued to instead do things behind my back. She claimed over and over that she loved me while lying and proving that she didn't give a **** about anything but her immediate sexual gratification.
All I want to do is be over it. I want to just forget that I ever loved her, that I ever dreamed of having a future with her, and just be able to pretend that she were any other annoying roommate that I wanted to be rid of. But I can't.
I can't talk to her. I'm trying to forget her. I have only one other friend and he...is showing his true colors I think. Wants me to get over it faster. Also wants me to think of him as more than a friend. Says he's disappointed that I wouldn't consider moving out of my state and leaving my job and what little I have to live with him...who I've never met in real life and have absolutely zero romantic feelings for. I've been firm with him and will continue to be about where I stand on our friendship. But it really paints him in a different light. I very well can't go to him to talk about my heartbreak.
In generally I suppose the quality of my life is improving slightly. I'm not studying as I should, but my classes are going well. I feel confident in them. But I am just constantly alone. Yesterday I was walking home from work and thought, "it would be lovely to call a friend and have lunch with them" but guess what? There's no friend to call. No friend to text, not even a friend on Steam. I go to work, I go to school, and I come home. I go to local meetups. Doesn't matter. I'm invisible wherever I go, no matter how convincing my facade of confidence.
It really kills me inside. I want to have friends, to feel wanted, valued, loved. I want to feel attractive. I haven't felt pretty or attractive or sexy or even particularly wanted in over two years. Not even by my own then lover, now ex (for that reason). And a small part of me is convinced that no matter what I do, no one is ever going to want me in that way. Or any other way, for that matter. I can't even ****ing make platonic friends.
It hurts to know that. It hurts to know that if I were to walk out of my house right this moment and just walk away from everything, no one would even notice. I have no friends to notice that I haven't posted on Facebook in awhile or responded to texts. My ex would not notice or care if I did not come home, she may even be relieved. I have no family. Might employer would notice when I didn't show up for work, but only after about 3-7 days. Even then, they might assume I simply quit, rather than having disappeared from the world entirely. If my body were found somewhere, on the railroad tracks or in the river, there'd be no one to take it to, no one to call, no nothing. I've literally left no imprint on the world around me.
This isn't where I should be saying any of this but I can't help feeling like anywhere else is just a bother to someone.
Anyway, that's what's bothering me right now. That's what's been bothering me for a long time, and what will bother me every night for I don't know how long. It's what will keep me awake and keep me crying at night and keep me wishing that I weren't here, and that's all.
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