Several things I guess:
I just feel I need to write it out, and I might feel better.
Despite actively applying to jobs and writing cover letters for them (spare me, I usually use the same cover letter and change a few things around, but I've been feeling lazy); my belief that I could get another job, away from the worst thing imaginable, is increidibly low. My self esteem in myself always hurts when I get an email letting me know, I am not going to the next stage, which I know happens to us all, but I feel as if I have lost myself truly through these cover letters expressing myself, which has always been a hard thing for me to do.
Like no matter how good I can express myself or skills, nothing becomes of it.
And I really,really don't want to work with food or coffee anymore. I just can't take it anymore. Which is annoying because there seemsto be so many places needing that, but I mentally cannot anymore.
And my current job just keeps draining me mentally, physically and emotionally. I am being paid less than minimum wage, but expected to do literally everything by myself, never hardly been told about the good things and all I've done, but only the stuff I haven't done, something that feels near impossible by myself, because despite making sure I put away food, clingflim and everything, the moment smoething has dust, there's complaints. All she does is watch me from the cameras.
And it's like I am not even allowed a break, yet her family members hardly seem to do anything, or give enough motivation to assist the customers. Her family have forgotten to lock the door leading outside too many times, and she never cares when I let her know.
I should really leave, but not when this is my only job. Which is where they've caught me in a web and won't let go. They all have a second job, and think that because I don't, that even on my days off she gave me, I am sometimes asked to come in. As if my life is all about work. (I've even started making a questionnaire that hopefully will be given to our customers to do so we can figure out what they want, because this - I dunno how this shop is running, its been so bad recently)
Being a creative being, and never having much chance to do such things hurts way more.
I also can't get help via benefits because due to this work and said benefits I was on before, either one messed upand I'm having to pay out my own money for overpayments that weren't my fault..
I've got two more mornings of work this week, I'll be off. Thank gawd.
(The amount of people going for the same jobs, when its in the thousands, thats scary. Thats horrible. I then even feel a twing of guilt, like what if someone else needs this more than me.)
I breath a sigh of relief after reading this, and gonna push myself to do something more happy.