What's Bothering You?

I don’t normally post here during passing time, but if I don’t post this now I probably won’t be mad about it later.

Anyway, I have a band class, and normally, I like that class. But these two new kids joined the band, and not only do they have no interest in actually learning, but what they are interested in is trying to piss me off as much as possible. Now, I actively hate the class because of them, because they were always here, but I’ve never actually had to work with them. Now I do, and they just took everything I liked about the class and crushed it into fine, powdery bits. So I have one thing to say to them. Thank you. Thank you for making my life hell. Thank you for making me want to punch into a wall until my fist starts bleeding. I didn’t think it was possible, so thank you for showing me.

There’s a lot more I could say about these two *******s, but I’m not as mad anymore, and also, I don’t want the post to get deleted. But I have the class again on Friday, so maybe then I’ll be reminded about why I hate them.
 
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So apparently there was an error with my student loan account, I rang up to try and sort it today but the amount they told me is incorrect and I won’t know what’s happening for 3-5 business days… I’m so sick and tired of this whole ordeal. This has been going on for 5 (almost 6) months now. I’m tired of worrying about money.
 
It's raining today rather than snowing, so no chilly winter wonderland music...but that also means no having to go out again and clean snow off the car, but still...
 
Several things I guess:
I just feel I need to write it out, and I might feel better.

Despite actively applying to jobs and writing cover letters for them (spare me, I usually use the same cover letter and change a few things around, but I've been feeling lazy); my belief that I could get another job, away from the worst thing imaginable, is increidibly low. My self esteem in myself always hurts when I get an email letting me know, I am not going to the next stage, which I know happens to us all, but I feel as if I have lost myself truly through these cover letters expressing myself, which has always been a hard thing for me to do.
Like no matter how good I can express myself or skills, nothing becomes of it.

And I really,really don't want to work with food or coffee anymore. I just can't take it anymore. Which is annoying because there seemsto be so many places needing that, but I mentally cannot anymore.

And my current job just keeps draining me mentally, physically and emotionally. I am being paid less than minimum wage, but expected to do literally everything by myself, never hardly been told about the good things and all I've done, but only the stuff I haven't done, something that feels near impossible by myself, because despite making sure I put away food, clingflim and everything, the moment smoething has dust, there's complaints. All she does is watch me from the cameras.
And it's like I am not even allowed a break, yet her family members hardly seem to do anything, or give enough motivation to assist the customers. Her family have forgotten to lock the door leading outside too many times, and she never cares when I let her know.

I should really leave, but not when this is my only job. Which is where they've caught me in a web and won't let go. They all have a second job, and think that because I don't, that even on my days off she gave me, I am sometimes asked to come in. As if my life is all about work. (I've even started making a questionnaire that hopefully will be given to our customers to do so we can figure out what they want, because this - I dunno how this shop is running, its been so bad recently)

Being a creative being, and never having much chance to do such things hurts way more.

I also can't get help via benefits because due to this work and said benefits I was on before, either one messed upand I'm having to pay out my own money for overpayments that weren't my fault..

I've got two more mornings of work this week, I'll be off. Thank gawd.

(The amount of people going for the same jobs, when its in the thousands, thats scary. Thats horrible. I then even feel a twing of guilt, like what if someone else needs this more than me.)

I breath a sigh of relief after reading this, and gonna push myself to do something more happy.
 
The combo of doing a purely sedentary university course and having chronic pain in my lower back is agonising - I have to take breaks often enough that I feel like it stops me from doing as much work as I need to. I'm constantly worried that I won't be able to keep up enough to pass my project.
 
Spent some time reading through the last page or so of posts... I'm really sorry that you all are having to deal with the struggles you're dealing with. Sending lots of prayers, love, and hugs your way. 🫂

---

Eh, I'm not really bothered by too much right now except for the fact that I slept late.
 
I am sooooo tired of how quickly my day can become awful because of my mom. How a regular gloomy, quiet day turns into my mother screaming.

She says it’s not fun for her to be like this, but she doesn’t do a single thing to help herself. She hasn’t taken care of herself a day in her life. She hasn’t done the urine or bloodwork tests she’s been supposed to do for months now. It’s insane how often she cancels her remicade appointments, only to complain the next day that her crohn’s is acting up. She hasn’t scheduled an appointment with her dermatologist and never even got the results back from the skin culture they did. She is a child in an adult’s body and I am so, so tired of having to bite my tongue unless I want her to fly off the handles even more and start threatening to move out or leave and not come back.

She constantly says that she can’t bottle up her emotions because they’ll ruin her, and the ironic thing is that’s exactly what I have to do in order to not set her off further. I can’t ever tell her she’s hurt me. I can’t tell her how her fits of rage have honestly traumatized me. I can’t tell her that I can never think clearly because of her and being stuck in this apartment with her and her anger. I can’t tell her how I’m always in fight or flight mode, just listening for her to start yelling about something again. I can’t tell her how the way she speaks to Bonk sometimes makes me sick to my stomach, and yeah you just screamed at her, of course she’s going to bite you. I honestly think my mom hates her because she’s not as forgiving as her other cats have been. She doesn’t like to be yelled at. She retaliates. She deserves so much better and I try to give her the kindness and patience that she deserves, but I know it’s not enough.

I’m just so tired of having to tiptoe around my own house. I‘m so, so tired of having to baby my 56-year-old mother. I’m so tired of her dumping all of her problems on me, and my dad dumping all of his problems on me, and then me having to dump all my problems here because god forbid I actually get to express any of this to the people that it actually concerns!! I have to be quiet all of the time to keep the peace, and I’m so sad. This isn’t the life that I want, or that I deserve. It’s so, so hard to convince myself that I deserve more than this, that life isn’t supposed to be like this, when I feel so trapped.

There’s this quote that says, “When you’re born in a burning house, you think the whole world is on fire. But it’s not,” and I’m just so tired of my house burning. I’m so tired of being a product of it. I don’t know how to put the flames out. I don’t know if I can. The house has been burning for longer than I’ve been alive.
 
I just saw more statements made about Chuggaaconroy on Twitter and now I am just feeling sad about this whole thing. I can no longer support him.
 
jadetine said:
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For what it's worth re: TBT:
The strong language and accusations in the exit post meant that it was going to make the situation a lot bigger/worse if left publicly visible, both for those already involved and for those who were not. The way things were playing out already wasn't great, although had it been worded more constructively, we would genuinely have left the thread where it was.

Given the strong feelings involved, however, we would not want to simply delete and dismiss such a post either. The exit post was instead moved to the Contact The Staff board where we replied to it. If kiwi had decided to return by now, we would have encouraged the thread to be remade in a calmer manner.

Me and the rest of the team had no idea that kiwi's feelings were running this high, or we would have reached out. Seeing that she states feeling ignored or dismissed hurts a lot, as we have never received a direct message or contact the staff thread from her about it before it got to this point. We all wish she would have reached out so that we could have talked about it, to learn the full extent of her concerns so that we may avoid them in the future, instead we are down a valued member with no proper way to talk about it.

If she would ever return she would be more than welcome back, we are more upset at not knowing how kiwi was feeling before she left rather than at the posts she made before she quit. Unfortunately, I don't know how likely we are to get that chance to talk it out.
 
Oh yikes I didn't know that had happened. I noticed recently a handful of members have removed their avatars because they've left. Or at least that's usually what this means. I wonder if a lot of them were for the same reason. That's really a shame if that is the case. I liked seeing all of them on the forum.
 
I cut my thumb while trying to chop a tomato. Luckily I caught it before it turned into a hospital-worthy visit, but it went through both the flesh and my thumbnail.

It made me realise we don't have a first aid kit, or even plasters (US: bandaids), in the house. Prepping one is on my to-do list now.
 
Chris said:
I cut my thumb while trying to chop a tomato. Luckily I caught it before it turned into a hospital-worthy visit, but it went through both the flesh and my thumbnail.

It made me realise we don't have a first aid kit, or even plasters (US: bandaids), in the house. Prepping one is on my to-do list now.
Click to expand...
Yeah first aid with all the essentials is a must. Also a small fire extinguisher. Good thing it didn't turn out as bad as it could. I'm not sure how you cut, but always cut away from yourself.
 
i have to write a small writing assignment for a class and it's asking me "what are your superpowers?" as in what qualities make you special. i absolutely hate questions like that, i cannot think of any definitive qualities that i have personality wise that i could write 200 words about. 🤷‍♀️
 
VernalLapin said:
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- Filed tax return
- I get a whopping $36
- But they want me to pay $40 to file the state return
- Conveniently, the $40 is ****ing taxed, so it's now $42.79
- Also conveniently, the want the money NOW.
- So they have the payment now. While I'm waiting for them to reimburse me the $36.
- But I still owed money this year. $42.79 > $36.00.
- **** the government/IRS/tax companies.
 
My tonsil infection + dry winter air has been giving me a crazy cough and sore throat, and I have been miserable all day. I cannot wait to get over this. I hate being sick.
 
I'm feeling very attacked at work right now. I walk out the door feeling the daggers in my back.
 
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