I have to do mandatory therapy sessions through my employer's assistance program because my mental health issues are starting to impact my job. so that's... that's fun.
sometimes I wish I wasn't me. I wish I wasn't this absolute broken down mess who can't function like a normal person. I'm constantly suffering and I try so hard to make things better for myself and I just can't. my efforts are never good enough it seems. no matter how hard I try I always mess up somewhere, and now my job and friendships are suffering because of it. I'm so absent-minded and scatterbrained right now, I can't do anything right and I constantly forget things and I can't pay attention at all. I feel like I'm oblivious to everything and everyone around me. I feel like my stupid brain is forcing me to be rude and uncaring and insensitive to others. I feel like I try so hard to be a good person, I try so hard to learn from my mistakes, I try so hard to be an effective and efficient worker... and I just can't right now. my best is not good enough.
trying so, so hard to love myself and be patient with myself right now, I just wish things would get better.