What's Bothering You?

I fell asleep and i had another dream about my best friend. I was feeling hopeless and sad in my dream and I feel even worse now and really sad. I don’t want to deal with this anymore. I wish i could wake up from this and everything be a bad dream and not had happened

also my mom is making me vote; she said if i want to keep living here she wants me to vote. i hate this. none of our candidates appeal to me; none are going to change our foreign policy or our behavior in the world, none are going to stand up to certain interest groups that don’t let certain bills pass that should pass but don’t.
 
ZeldaCrossing64 said:
I also get in this weird cycle where I feel tired when I'm on my phone, but feel restless and unable to sleep when I put it away. :\ I'm so hyperactive at night that it's making it even harder to sleep.
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"They" say that bright lights and stimulation right before bed, like being on your phone or watching TV for example, can make you restless and hard to fall asleep. I am not an expert, but it sounds like it might be a possibility for you, since you feel tired while on your phone but can't fall asleep right after?

Or maybe it's something else, who knows. But it might be worth a try to stay off of your phone for a bit before trying to sleep?
 
It's going to be a long day.

Screenshot_20240722_070322.jpg
 
Chris said:
It's going to be a long day.

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Happier follow up: managed to get a short course of sedatives from the pharmacist after explaining I've not been sleeping for almost three weeks.

And my boss let me book this afternoon and tomorrow off so I could get try and get some rest. Thankfully timed well with the construction workers putting down new lino outside my office.
 
i got banned again on ''withthewill'' forum... (which is a digimon forum)

for complaining to a staff member....

i don't care... but it's getting lifted on the 28th...


i'm not posting on there anymore, ... i'll look... but i'm not posting anymore.... at least i don't think so :cautious: i don't care anymore right now....
i'm mad about it but not too mad:cautious:


...
i gotta take my mind off it....

edit at 12:50 pm on 24/7/24 - i don't go on there often anyway... but that's not the point....
 
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I'm still not feeling great about my potential new diagnosis of a schizophrenia spectrum disorder. My therapist believes it's schizoaffective disorder - depressive subtype, but until I'm screened again I don't know for sure. I know for sure it's going to affect how people treat me for the rest of my life even if I'm self aware of my symptoms and have done a lot of good things like volunteer work. Public perception about these disorders is almost completely negative. I'm very lucky all of the people I've opened to about it recently have been kind. I know for sure if people knew about it back in school I would've been bullied even worse.

Portrayals of us in fiction is almost completely negative. That's why I'm glad the novel I've been planning depicts a schizophrenia spectrum person in a more humane and understanding way. It'll show the character doing good things throughout the story and what it's actually like to experience hallucinations and psychosis. The way it's usually depicted in fiction isn't accurate at all and I want to change that. My biological grandmother on my sperm donor's side was a published author, so the writer blood runs in my genes. I was also always told to become a writer by almost every English teacher I had since they said I was talented. It'll also help me process and accept some of my own experiences from the past. It'll also feature what it's like to be autistic and nonbinary.

One of my past therapists said I could be published in a year. There are other books that present the illness in this way so it's my odds aren't zero. My only concern is that I've never written long form fiction before and have only written a few stories in the last ten years. I'm a person who gets story ideas every now and then, but feels daunted and ends up losing interest in writing it unless it's an assignment. If I want to actually get this story out I need to take my finished outline, sit, and actually write it.
 
Neb said:
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You can do it, Neb. I believe in you. The most difficult part of any task is getting past the procrastination and actually working on it, but once you do it becomes a lot easier. It'd be amazing if you got it published and helped change people's perspectives on the illnesses. I'm skilled at writing myself and wanted to write a series of fictional books based on an original concept, but am so busy these days that I can't find the time for it. Your topic is even more interesting though because it deals with a subject a lot of people have to deal with every day. If you ever want to bounce ideas off of me or want me to hold you accountable for writing it, let me know!
 
ended up being ten minutes late to work today because of traffic, and when I got here I really felt like I wanted to cry. I hate being late for work. I probably should've taken the day off honestly, I'm so exhausted.

also psoriasis is flaring up really bad again, hopefully I'll get a call soon to set up an appointment with a dermatologist but in the meantime I guess I'll just suffer :,,,,,,)
 
My dad made fun of me when I came downstairs and asked something. My mom just tells me to ignore it. It is always just ignore it, to me which is like saying it is okay that he makes fun of me. :/

I’m not feeling much better than I have been the last few days. There have been little things that cheer me up here and there but even then it is still a struggle.
 
I'm tired of thinking that my problems feelings don't matter. The things is, they probably don't. I should just keep my ****ing mouth shut because nothing ever gets solved. I just get told "shut up, that's stupid" when I voice my concerns and I'm expected to be okay with it.

I'm just really annoyed right now since my family is getting on my nerves. I wanted to shower, but there's too many people and I'm uncomfortable showering when there's company over. It's too loud and I can hear everything from my room.
 
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Sorry for double-posting, but... I'm a little shaken.
I was basically forced into a video call with my grandma (on my mom's side), and it was super obvious that she was drunk. I really don't like talking to people who are inebriated, especially my family. It reminds me too much of my mom. Speaking of, my grandma mentioned that my mom's birthday would've been next week, and that she was gonna go decorate her grave. That just felt like a punch in the gut. How could she just casually say that when her death is still fresh on my mind...

Needless to say, the call made me feel even worse. I just can't deal with this.
 
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